"Scared" to do certain things sober?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
"Scared" to do certain things sober?
I have been doing more "stuff" lately, including socializing and even hosting guests this holiday season. So far, so good. This is a process I've been easing myself into in sobriety. I spent the first few months in a very peaceful, safe environment and have been gradually "getting back out there" into the real world.
Anyway, the topic came up this afternoon with some neighbors who are interested in going to see this show in Chicago. This is kind of a weird show, not like a regular theater performance, but more of a Cirq de Solei type of deal. But darker. I was told it was "Weird. Like, people in masks walking around in really high shoes". That was pretty much enough for me to think I didn't want to see that! LOL.
I thought to myself: I'm not sure if I can handle that kind of weird stuff sober. You know, like clowns dressed up all scary and waddling across the stage on stilts...jeepers! In the past I'd have had a few drinks and enjoyed the kookiness. But, my sober self seems to be wary of kooky things.
Have I become a nervous nelly or what? Anyone else kinda freaked out by stuff they would have perhaps enjoyed during their drinking days?
Anyway, the topic came up this afternoon with some neighbors who are interested in going to see this show in Chicago. This is kind of a weird show, not like a regular theater performance, but more of a Cirq de Solei type of deal. But darker. I was told it was "Weird. Like, people in masks walking around in really high shoes". That was pretty much enough for me to think I didn't want to see that! LOL.
I thought to myself: I'm not sure if I can handle that kind of weird stuff sober. You know, like clowns dressed up all scary and waddling across the stage on stilts...jeepers! In the past I'd have had a few drinks and enjoyed the kookiness. But, my sober self seems to be wary of kooky things.
Have I become a nervous nelly or what? Anyone else kinda freaked out by stuff they would have perhaps enjoyed during their drinking days?
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
I'm kind of with foolsgold66.My first year,I was VERY careful where I went or things I did. But I also realized a lot of the stuff I used to do was no longer appealing.
I'm not being much help here either,but I will say I lost my patience for just "going along for the ride". I do know a lot of the things I used to do were for the sole purpose of getting drunk. And since I don't get drunk anymore I have set my sights quite a bit higher on the things that will get me out and about.
Fred
I'm not being much help here either,but I will say I lost my patience for just "going along for the ride". I do know a lot of the things I used to do were for the sole purpose of getting drunk. And since I don't get drunk anymore I have set my sights quite a bit higher on the things that will get me out and about.
Fred
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
All true. I guess I'm just getting old, too. I suppose that sometimes my maturity surprises me. I used to be "down for anything". Now....I'm just not, frankly. I think a lot of the stuff I did was really going along for the ride. It's nice to be marching to the beat of my own drum now. I like the power of being able to choose what I do these days.
I guess it's just a new experience for me having this much control over my own life. I have a steady job and some sober time under my belt, both of which were huge steps for me. I've rebuilt trust with my family. Now I'm exploring the social side of life again - this time alcohol free - and I'm finding that I still have a lot of questions.
I guess it's just a new experience for me having this much control over my own life. I have a steady job and some sober time under my belt, both of which were huge steps for me. I've rebuilt trust with my family. Now I'm exploring the social side of life again - this time alcohol free - and I'm finding that I still have a lot of questions.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,344
If you needed a few drinks to appreciate it, chances are it's not really your thing Big S.
I take far less risks than I used to - but then I danced on a razor wire in the middle of a hurricane for 20 years. I really enjoy solid ground now
D
I take far less risks than I used to - but then I danced on a razor wire in the middle of a hurricane for 20 years. I really enjoy solid ground now
D
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: California
Posts: 101
I'm definitely a little more careful on what things I participate in, but i'll also test the waters sometimes so to speak. What I have noticed is I've become pretty indecisive when deciding to "go out"- something will sound appealing initially, then once it gets close i'll typically flake. Therefore, I try not to commit to anything in the first place, till the day of if possible so I don't end of backing out on people who are expecting me.
To me, in my sobriety, I honestly feel it's good to test the waters and boundaries in a rational way. Sure going to a club, party, lounge or whatever isn't always ideal, I also don't feel this is something I should refrain from for the rest of my life. I enjoy socializing and being around people, even though there is the risk of people getting drunk. My thing is to go to wherever I want to go and once I feel things are getting sloppy or the night is going south, I'm out.
As far as the show you were invited to. I've been to something very similar, it actually might be the same thing. It was hosted by Cirq de Solei and it had clowns and everything, but it was actually a pretty amazing show. Some of the clown skits were pretty lame, but the others acrobatics stuff made up for it. I say give it a shot.
To me, in my sobriety, I honestly feel it's good to test the waters and boundaries in a rational way. Sure going to a club, party, lounge or whatever isn't always ideal, I also don't feel this is something I should refrain from for the rest of my life. I enjoy socializing and being around people, even though there is the risk of people getting drunk. My thing is to go to wherever I want to go and once I feel things are getting sloppy or the night is going south, I'm out.
As far as the show you were invited to. I've been to something very similar, it actually might be the same thing. It was hosted by Cirq de Solei and it had clowns and everything, but it was actually a pretty amazing show. Some of the clown skits were pretty lame, but the others acrobatics stuff made up for it. I say give it a shot.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne, Victoria Australia
Posts: 1,202
As ever, Big, a wonderfully reflective post.
I've had NO social life / events - well, less than I could count on one hand - since seriously trying for recovery 2 years ago. Even in the longer periods of sobriety (which were all last year), I sometimes paid for something in advance such as a big concert to go to with an old friend. But then bailed out every time. It pee'd off my friend big time and was actually quite stressful too for me: we had to muck about with her or me trying to find someone to buy my ticket and so on. On some occasions if I remember rightly, I simply didn't go and forfeited a couple of hundred bucks. Madness.
I believe that yes, indeed, some of it IS down to changing as we age - as Dee and a few others have alluded to. I sometimes check this kind of thing out with another non-alkie old friend of 35 years. She loves going out to things, but is MUCH more selective about where, what and when - and with whom. Some of it, too, I believe is simply our tastes changing as we age too. e.g. a movie I would've loved to go see even a few years ago, just doesn't float my boat now
And then, of course, when we have our sober hats on - mine is only sometimes on these days, but I don't give up: stuff that just doesn't resonate - or might trigger us with old associations etc - has to be looked at, and a decision made. I find that part of sobriety to be really hard, mainly because I've realised how many things I do AT HOME are associated with drinking over so many years. It's hard to escape from them!
Each of us has to think about each arising circumstance, I guess, and work out what the benefits for it might be, and what the downsides might be. If you feel odd about, say, going to the Cirque thing right now....it doesn't mean you'll always feel odd about it next time they come to town. Maybe just go with how you feel about it NOW?
I've had NO social life / events - well, less than I could count on one hand - since seriously trying for recovery 2 years ago. Even in the longer periods of sobriety (which were all last year), I sometimes paid for something in advance such as a big concert to go to with an old friend. But then bailed out every time. It pee'd off my friend big time and was actually quite stressful too for me: we had to muck about with her or me trying to find someone to buy my ticket and so on. On some occasions if I remember rightly, I simply didn't go and forfeited a couple of hundred bucks. Madness.
I believe that yes, indeed, some of it IS down to changing as we age - as Dee and a few others have alluded to. I sometimes check this kind of thing out with another non-alkie old friend of 35 years. She loves going out to things, but is MUCH more selective about where, what and when - and with whom. Some of it, too, I believe is simply our tastes changing as we age too. e.g. a movie I would've loved to go see even a few years ago, just doesn't float my boat now
And then, of course, when we have our sober hats on - mine is only sometimes on these days, but I don't give up: stuff that just doesn't resonate - or might trigger us with old associations etc - has to be looked at, and a decision made. I find that part of sobriety to be really hard, mainly because I've realised how many things I do AT HOME are associated with drinking over so many years. It's hard to escape from them!
Each of us has to think about each arising circumstance, I guess, and work out what the benefits for it might be, and what the downsides might be. If you feel odd about, say, going to the Cirque thing right now....it doesn't mean you'll always feel odd about it next time they come to town. Maybe just go with how you feel about it NOW?
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
This post really made me think. It's funny how we move through these stages in sobriety.
I was that annoying person who always dropped out of events just before they happened. The reality was that I would go along with everybody else's plans so as to be 'part of the gang' even when they were the last thing I actually wanted to do. Then when the day drew nearer I would more often or not back out. I had a million excuses. I used to think this was just social anxiety, and maybe some if it was, but in truth it was because I really didn't want to go in the first place.
With sobriety has come confidence in my case. It really is ok to say no if I don't want to do something. It is also ok for ME to do the arranging, rather than drift along with somebody else's plans. My friendship group has narrowed but become more solid.
I hadn't really thought about this before your post BigS, but that social awkwardness I always had has become far less for me since I have the confidence and courage to do what's right for me and not everyone else.
I was that annoying person who always dropped out of events just before they happened. The reality was that I would go along with everybody else's plans so as to be 'part of the gang' even when they were the last thing I actually wanted to do. Then when the day drew nearer I would more often or not back out. I had a million excuses. I used to think this was just social anxiety, and maybe some if it was, but in truth it was because I really didn't want to go in the first place.
With sobriety has come confidence in my case. It really is ok to say no if I don't want to do something. It is also ok for ME to do the arranging, rather than drift along with somebody else's plans. My friendship group has narrowed but become more solid.
I hadn't really thought about this before your post BigS, but that social awkwardness I always had has become far less for me since I have the confidence and courage to do what's right for me and not everyone else.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
It does not sound like fear is the issue here but I know it is the first thing I think of when I don't want to do something.
I, like others, have grown a bit and it is becoming clearer to me what I like and don't like as an individual. I find when it comes to recovery I have to be open and willing to try new things but when it comes to my personal life and choices then I can say yes or no depending on those personal likes or dislikes.
That does not mean I am not willing, it just means I don't care for that or it does not fit my idea of fun.
One thing I have learned is not to let the pressure of others sway me in my personal life or personal decisions that I feel are best for me. Sometimes going along with the crowd is not in my best interest. I think that shows growth if I can really look at something and say "that is just not me or who I am today".
I, like others, have grown a bit and it is becoming clearer to me what I like and don't like as an individual. I find when it comes to recovery I have to be open and willing to try new things but when it comes to my personal life and choices then I can say yes or no depending on those personal likes or dislikes.
That does not mean I am not willing, it just means I don't care for that or it does not fit my idea of fun.
One thing I have learned is not to let the pressure of others sway me in my personal life or personal decisions that I feel are best for me. Sometimes going along with the crowd is not in my best interest. I think that shows growth if I can really look at something and say "that is just not me or who I am today".
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I think my boundaries are both firmer and wider now. If I don't want to go, I won't, and I won't be changing my mind about it. On the other hand, I am more open to new experiences now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
Alcohol robbed me almost completely of any inhibitions. I'd take drastic risks, and it's amazing I actually survived them. I've done so many stupid things while drunk, it's really a miracle that something more severe didn't happen to me (although severe things certainly did happen).
That being said, the things that I would not do now that I'm sober are the things that were dangerous, so all in all it's a very positive thing.
That being said, the things that I would not do now that I'm sober are the things that were dangerous, so all in all it's a very positive thing.
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