oak

I knew I might be as a teenager, because I was drinking a lot when I drank (but that was only occasionally) and both my parents drank a lot. I stopped drinking for 16 years. When I tried alcohol after 16 years sober, I was immediately obsessed and craving and could see how compulsively I drank. That confirmed for me that I definitely had a problem.

TopFlight

I never really thought of myself as an alcoholic, until I quit. Now in hindsight there was no doubt. Sad thing was there were a lot of things that should of opened my eyes to this sooner.

Kingtarquin

I too relapse again and again thinking there is no problem until I decide to quit again. I quit 6 months ago and in the last month find myself drinking because I am bored. I feel like I keep letting myself down but then rationalizing having a few cocktails. I never hit rock bottom but I have noticed I don't like having just one beverage. I like to power drink to get that buzz. It's all or nothing for me and I prefer nothing except for the buzz. Vicious cycle!!!

foodie1

When I was driving down the street one day "praying" out to the universe to please, please make me stop drinking. I did that for another few years before I had the notion to quit.

LadyBlue0527

I knew that I was one long before I acknowledged it. To acknowledge it meant that I had to do something about it.

soberhawk

I am not sure I have ever called myself an alcoholic, it is a rather loaded word for me.

It was a slow process over months that I saw it was either or with alcohol and me. I could not control it, I had to stop it or it controlled me and it was not leading the right direction when it controlled me.

140 days sober today – I do not miss it.

newme2day

I'm not sure how this sounds, but I have always thought I could be an alcoholic, but when I was younger I thought an alcoholic was someone who drank 24/7, with the shakes, etc. Now that I am older MY definition has changed. WHEN I crossed the line into alcoholism, I'm not sure . . .the tendency was always there . . .I'm sure of it. Only recently have I admitted it to myself.

diffingo911

For Me the realization was when I thought of how many days/hours/years I spent consuming. I also calculated that I probably had about 10,000 beers in my career.
That number may even be a conservative amount too...

spryte

I finally ACKNOWLEGED that I was an alcoholic when I realized that drinking was going to destroy my life - it was going to destroy my mental health, my liver, and my ability to earn an income. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but in the future - with a certainty - alcohol was going to ruin my life. I was an alcoholic.

GracieLou

I acknowledged it a long time ago but hid behind the "functional alcoholic" curtain. Since I was functional, I didn't really have to do anything about it.

Then came the time I was not so functional. It was my bottom and every one has a different one. That is when I finally realized I had to do something. That was my moment of clarity. On the edge of not functioning is when the curtain fell.

Ncognito13

When I realized I didn't get sick when I drank, but when I didn't. Getting fired for drinking at work. Getting a DUI. Waking up and realizing that I had gone to the store while blacked out to get more beer. Choosing to be drunk alone rather than out with a friend sober.

Mind you these are not revelations that happened recently. This is over years. I knew I had a problem, but in a certain way I didn't care.

mfanch

The first time I drank. I knew it the next morning. I was 15.

I got sober at 38.

Dan Dare

I thought it was my destiny. Killed my Grandparents, my sibling, two of my best friends, a few of my heroes.
I always thought it was cool.
It ain't cool anymore.
I want to try the other alternative.
Took a long, long time to seriously consider it, even after all the misery I have seen come from it.
Amazing how powerful it is.
I've come to respect it like I respect getting an electric shock.

Kingtarquin

I am coming to terms with the thought of admittance of being a true alcoholic. 30 days again sober. Back questioning why am I sober. I've realized why it's tough for me! I have not made a point to change my life except for abstaining from the hooch. That's why I am not happy is because my life is just the same just no booze. When I mean just the same, that means I am still not happy.the only energy I generate during most days is when I know I have to go to work. I work a 10 hour day come home watch TV go to bed and wake up and do it again. I have no energy or wanting to get up early and do something else productive. For some reason I just don't care to do anything but lay in bed until I literally need to do something. For eg: Go to work. Get something to eat. Or an errand I must run just to keep my life rolling. I tell myself dude you gotta get out and do something but then a voice will come and tell me about the anxieties in public settings. I get nervous and just want to stay at home in bed. It's a pathetic existence but I can't find the inner trigger to change it. Even after writing this post I know my mind knows what I need to try to do. However when the time comes to get motivated for a change in life habits I don't change. What's wrong with me? Do I have a social disorder or a fear of public situations excluding work? I don't know! That's why once again I am reaching out for some sort of tutorial or voice of enlightenment. Where do I find desire and passion for something's again. Or did I ever have passion for anything. I can't remember. Now I'm just rambling! Aloha

KT

Misc72

Have you tried looking at rational recovery? google it.

We have all been there...stay sober at all costs! It's so worth it. There is a book I love geared for guys, "Living sober sucks, living drunk sucks more". Try different things till you find something you vibe with. Don't become a mental loafer and stagnant. Keep your mind occupied even from bed. READ As much as you can on life after being a drunk. There are more than one way to skin a cat so be open minded to all types of inspiration and help. You can do it!

GracieLou

Your post reminds me of me. I was the exact same way. You pretty much described my life before I stopped drinking.

My anxiety was very high. I didn't want people to see me and I didn't want to see them. I wanted to live in a cave and I did. If I was not at work I was home in isolation with the curtains drawn. The thought of interacting with people made my heart race. Even going to work was difficult. I was scared to death to drive to and from work. I would cry and grip the steering wheel all the way there and back and if it was raining or snowing I would call off. I was scared to death. I didn't want to die but I didn't know how to live the way I was anymore.

I decided to quit and I called AA. I was anxious. They sent a woman to my home and she took me to a meeting. I have been sober and attending meetings every since.

The anxiety is gone, I am sober, I am happy and my curtains are open.

If you have not tried AA I would give it some thought. It does not happen overnight and that work on yourself you spoke of has to be done but it was worth it.

I drank for 25 years and I am sober almost two. These last two have been that best years of my life.

MelindaFlowers

I realized in a few ways:

I didn't just enjoy drinking in the evening. I craved it.
I drank to get buzzed. Seriously buzzed. My tolerance kept going up so my intake kept going up.
I continued drinking despite feeling worse and worse every morning.
I didn't think anything, including a work night at home (alone), was complete without drinking.
I continued to drink despite weight gain.
I continued to drink despite a red, flushed complexion.
I continued to drink despite daily severe headaches.
One drink caused me to crave more and more.
I had no off switch. I didn't want an off switch.
I continued drinking after scary and abhorrent blackout episodes.
Three beers in the fridge caused panic rather than relief. 12 in the fridge was a relief.

These are the big ones:

I would wake up (every day) and say "never again" and drink again that night.
I continued to drink in spite of a medical diagnosis caused by drinking.

Wholesome

I knew for years but I still enjoyed it and didn't want to quit. I mean I tried to control it and the better part of me, my higher self wanted to stop but I wasn't ready or just hadn't suffered enough. It was this October that I said out loud to my bf that I was sick and needed to stop because it was starting to actually kill me. I was starting to physically fall apart and the hangovers were getting worse and worse. I'd also started drinking in the mornings which was a new and troubling behaviour. I had a false start, went back to it after a few weeks and really tried to moderate. But I think that once it reaches a certain level there is no going back. Maybe years ago I could of but not anymore.

Wholesome

Melinda you took the words out of my mouth. I can relate to all of what you said.

jlf

when I said drink socially only and on special occasions but every once on a while had black ups and realized that didn't always control the amount of my drinking