Brian316

I think I agree with Jazzfish and Thepatman's definitions best. I would just say simply the inability to control one's drinking. Although as we know it is so much more than that.

KyrieEleison

For me it's the inability to stop drinking when I need to stop drinking.

It's the inability to stay sober once I have stopped drinking.

It's a return to drinking no matter how great the necessity or wish to remain sober.

It's the lack of control over how much I drink, once I start to drink.

It's the delusion I can drink safely.

Dan Dare

I've had no alcohol in three days, and I have already had dreams about drinking.

I'd call that an obsession...

Raider

True alcoholism......a true alcoholic....well I guess that would be me, sadly....but the good news is, 12 days sober.

flutter

I feel like I crossed the 'invisible line' when I would drink despite negative consequences, whether that was from my actions, missed work, relationships neglected, etc.

Reboswon

Wow Flutter,

Sober 5 years and 3 months. Well done and congratulations. What's it like after all this time?

TucTee

This, plus obsessing over drinking. I suspect that anyone who obsesses about it has a problem with moderation unlike a "non" alcoholic. While I liked who I became--in some respects--when I drank, the worse part about drinking for me was the constant planning and scheming for that next drinking session. It was mentally exhausting and I don't miss that aspect of life at all.

Johnston

^^^ this. I turn into an irritating loudmouth when I pick up.

Grungehead

I can relate to pretty much every post in this thread of how they would define alcoholism. I think there is a lot of different ways to describe it and they all ring true for me. These two statements by Dr. Silkworth in the BB have always rang true in describing how my alcoholism manifested itself.

"They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks-drinks which they see others taking with impunity."

When I was sober I was not comfortable in my own skin, and I knew the cure was having a few drinks.

"All these, and many others, have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking without developing the phenomenon of craving."

Once I took that first drink I had no control how many I would drink...it could be 3 or it could be 30, there was no way to predict what would happen.

It was the cycle of the mental obsession to drink followed by the physical craving once I took a drink that I believe defined my alcoholism. Once I was able to rid myself of the mental obsession I was able to break the cycle.

KyrieEleison

I would also like to share something I have learned. It may apply for someone.

It stems from the AA program.

It is said that my alcoholism is rooted in selfishness.

I want to love and care about others, and even profess that I do, but at some point I get drunk.

"Don't keep saying sorry!", one sponsor said to me..."If you were sorry you would change!"

Selfishness. I want to drink. I want to drink and it comes before anything at certain times.

I want to change the way I feel. I am consumed with anger, or self-pity, fear, and resentments; or I have delusion I can drink safely.

I want.

I...leaves no room for anyone else, and how I hurt them....

Carlotta

For me, it means that I have a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol and can never drink safely again.

quitter13

your not alone there. I'm finishing day 5 and I dreamt about it last night. definitely obsessive. some other minor every day things triggered thoughts tonight. but I'm going to sleep sober and Iook forward to waking up feeling great and rested

Boleo

For me it's simple: I can not drink in safety nor can I not-drink in safety. Not-drinking does not treat my type of alcoholism.

IMO a true alcoholic is one who is trapped in cognitive dissonance in such a way that both drinking and not-drinking are uncomfortable. Drinking will lead to more alcohol-issues. Not drinking will lead to more alcohol-ISM. The ISM component of alcoholism causes me suffering even when I am not-drinking.

If I don't take some action to attract equanimity into my life, not-drinking will drive me crazy.

flutter

@Reboswon, just 5 years. I joined in September, but didn't finally quit until December of that year. I had a few 'false starts' as CarolD used to say.

And how is it? It's great, better than I could have imagined

quitter13

While I relate to everyone's definitions this one also rings more true for me. There were days in recent months when my wife was at school until 9pm. All I could think was that gave me a 3 hour window after I got off work at 6pm so of course I ran right to the store after work. I would usually get 2 24oz cans of beer and think this will be enough to satisfy me and not get too drunk to where it will cause a huge problem when the wife gets home. Like clockwork an hour later I would have finished both cans and be running out to a different store to get more because I was not satisfied even though I was drunk. Then it was a race to get as much as I could before she got home. Then I would be obnoxious to her the rest of the night. Then feel like crap the next morning. It's definitely a compulsion for me

Reboswon

Hi Quiter13,
Reading your post reminded me of exactly the same experiences I had encountered. I suppose the only difference was that I tried to pre empt the times my wife would be out and have a stash hidden somewhere. I had quite a few spots. Like you, even knowing she would be home soon I would have the extra few gulps (in my case it was vodka)
Also like you, I tried my best to remain as normal (what is normal when I was doing these sorts of things) but my wife always questioned me which made it harder.

Eventually this did not work any more. I always thought to myself, the only way I will ever escape this dreadful situation would be if something terrible happens. Sure enough it did. The continuous self denial and constant lying led to a deep depressive build up of guilt. A guilt that I could not ignore. The one black horrible Sunday afternoon when I ran inside after my wife and I were washing the car and she was packing away the hose. I opened the cupboard to take a couple of vodka shots, I noticed a note stuck on the bottle. it read, " please, I beg of you! Stop what you are doing to your life, family and marriage"

I lost it, then when my wife went to pick up the kids, I hit the bottle hard and called her to say good bye. She knew what I meant and rushed home to find me laying on the kitchen
floor with 5 deep abdominal wounds. I had lost over one third of my blood supply.

I ended up in ICU for 2 days and told I was a few millimetres away from the place of no return.

The hospital episode is another story. Here I am today stronger than I ever have been. The one thing I can say (this is in my case) only I could eventually help myself , as my denial would not allow me to listen to anyone else.

gaffo

If you manage to stop drinking for a while and you notice that your life gets MUCH better you are probably a true alcoholic.

Nevertheless

Bottom line for me,was I didn't want to drink anymore. But I kept drinking anyway.

Fred

laurie6781

Chiming in a bit late here, lol

For me it obviously was when my life started to totally revolve alcohol:

How much did I have left?
Where could I get more?

Invited to someone's home (before I became a 'street person')will they have alcohol there or do I bring my own.

etc I was OCD about alcohol and needed it daily all day long. I was a practicing alcohol. I lived the streets of Hollywood the last 18 months of my drinking.

I found a way to stay stopped and then a way to live sober daily. All has been better for a long time now, all the ups and downs.

Now I wonder, since I have become OCD about the Belgian Sheep Dog and in particular the Belgian Malinois and my life in retirement totally revolves around my Belgians do I now have Belgianism??? lol I am obsessed with them and my life pretty much revolves around my fur kids.

I will take Belgianism any day over Alcoholism. Am I an alcoholic? You bet I am, I just don't drink TODAY. And that is how I started not drinking, Just For Today. I did it One Day At A Time, and really relied on, leaned on, and clung to the sober folks in AA. For me it worked. I found that the 12 steps are not only a way to live a spiritual life they are a blueprint for living sober, and yes I have learned how to LIVE SOBER.

Alcoholism has different meanings for different folks. But admitting that one is an alcoholic is a really GREAT way to start recovery.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

diffingo911

The way I look at this word DISEASE, when applied to alcoholism is this:

I am NOT at Ease-I am at Dis-Ease...