Turninganewleaf

I am scared that I will end up relapsing again. Because of the freezing tempatures Im scared I will get hypothermia stumbling home from the bar or liquor store. The only option will be to drive but I fear the local law will be on the look out after I parked on the sidewalk of the village hall. I guess the real question is do I really want to stop? I think I just want the negative consequences to stop. I don't know if I care enough about myself to stop. I struggle with dark moods during the winter season.

Dee74

You really get out of your recovery what you put in I think.
Most of us are ambivalent for a while...but you know not drinking is the better choice.

feed that side of you...find support...commit to this.

I guarantee you look back and be glad you did

D

Turninganewleaf

Thank you, but I have to be honest. I've been told I need to be 100% committed to sobriety. A little voice tells me to wait until Spring when the holidays are over and the weather is nicer to start my sobriety journey. But my other voice is telling me to do it now. It's been about 9 days sober so I guess it's a start.

EndGameNYC

When deciding not to drink, I doubt anyone is "100% committed" to it, just as when we attempt to change other habitual behaviors that are in some ways rewarding, even when those rewards provoke unwanted and adverse consequences.

Your alcoholic thinking is telling you that, since you're not "100% committed to sobriety," it's best to wait until you are. That's the lie. The truth is that this day may never come, and there's no good reason to believe that you'll "be ready" when the flowers start blooming.

Being "100% committed to sobriety" is not a decision or an action; it's a process. You can only begin that process by making a commitment not to drink, no matter what. The time is now.

Dee74

I wasn't 100% committed for a long time either...but I knew something had to change...and I knew I couldn't put it off any longer, cos things were bad and getting worse by the week....

at least one of your inner voices is telling you the same thing.
Listen to it

D

FourSeasons

Hey Turninganewleaf! Welcome to SR!!

Why would you ever want the negative consequences to stop? You were very lucky you did not get a DWI or hurt anyone the other night. Consider that a blessing and a teaching moment!

Besides, what you describe above sounds awful .. being scared and full of fear??? Those are all very strong negative emotions and your anxiety level seems over the top.

You know none of that has to happen. You are in control of not having any of that happen. Take your recent "good fortune and luck" as an omen. Don't Drink. The Consequences are truly not worth and if they did happen then you would become UBER, DUBER depressed...

Speaking of... seasonal depression (aka SAD) is quite common. Have you thought about getting a sun lamp? ... as opposed to drinking them blues away??

KateL

Yes, but then winter comes along again. I hate winter but try to cheer myself up with cosy nights watching a film and stuff. In fact, I like it when you can put pretty lights up for Christmas. So much so, I leave them up all year Well done on 9 days

Deckard

But then you'll want to celebrate the onset of Spring. Can't stop then. And then Fourth of July is right around the corner. Can't stop then. Etc. etc.

You will always be able to convince yourself that some day in the near future, probably a few months away, would really be the ideal time to stop. Problem is, that date keeps rolling forward!

There is no time like the present . . .

awuh1

I drank in part to cope with those dark moods also. I also remember those winters in the north. They can be brutal. Perhaps your drinking is an attempt to cope with a mood disorder. Perhaps it’s depression, or as Fourseasons suggested, a seasonal affective disorder (aka SAD). There is actually lots you can do to combat the mood problem short of using alcohol. Exercise, dietary supplements, the sun lamp. Then there is the option of having it assessed with a mental health professional. These are long term solutions that I believe will be better for you than the one you have been using.

Consider also an AA meeting. There are a lot of folks in those meetings who know what it’s like for you now and can provide a lot of support.

All the best to you.

Raider

Dear Turning, ten below in East Anchorage right now. I understand the cold and dark. Good luck!

diffingo911

I can TOTALLY relate-Mostly about the loss of Daylight and the Long, Long Nights-Seems so Desolate and Unrelenting-Really plays on the Psyche, for sure....

newme2day

Turning, i know what you mean about winter weather. I often wonder why i continue to live on PA when i only really love warm weather. . .but please dont use that as a reason to drink. Keep on with your sobriety. . .a lot can happen if you choose to drink again. Unfortunately, spring won't be here for a few months. You don't want to go back to the darkness of drinking. Push through this. Find some things that make you happy. Treat yourself to something fun!! This too will pass.

George3334

Congrats on getting started. A quote that helped me get started went something like "Tomorrow will always be today" That's why I really like the 24-hour commitment thread on SR. When I commit to just today, then over time I look back and see that those one day commitments have accumulated into a week, a month, and now 4-months of sobriety.

Threshold

You have NOTHING to lose by quitting now and staying quit. You have a potentially lot to lose by waiting to quit until a later date.

Awesome on 9 days..why give THAT up for another several months/years/or lifetime of roulette?