"I was only an alcoholic for a little while"
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"I was only an alcoholic for a little while"
"I was only an alcoholic for a little while"....
Does anyone else ever think this to themselves? I suppose these thoughts start hitting folks after you get a couple of years sober under your belt. I have to admit my AV has been whispering that to me lately.
I drank for 19 years. I started as a binge drinker at my university, and by the time I was 26 I was drinking at least 5 nights per week. From age 27-30, I slowed down a bit. Sure I still drank every night, but only had a couple. Then I sped up again, drinking beers at "networking events" after work with clients when I got promoted. I'd have downed several beers before my clients even finished their first drink, then I went home and drank some more. I began drinking when I traveled, sometimes losing an entire week-long vacation to alcohol. Around age 34 I found vodka, and it was a quick slide downhill. I quit my job at 36 and drank myself into a serious health crisis and lost all meaningful relationships. I was unemployed, sick, and alone and finally hit rock bottom.
I've only been sober for a year and a half. Yet sometimes, my AV starts talking to me: "You're still young, dude! You were only an alcoholic there towards the end. You've learned your lesson, and you've done a good job. Now you know how to drink responsibly."
I am glad I know this is a trick. I've shown signs of alcoholism since I took my first drink. Is this the type of internal voice that got some of you to "go back out"? Has anyone else experienced this?
Does anyone else ever think this to themselves? I suppose these thoughts start hitting folks after you get a couple of years sober under your belt. I have to admit my AV has been whispering that to me lately.
I drank for 19 years. I started as a binge drinker at my university, and by the time I was 26 I was drinking at least 5 nights per week. From age 27-30, I slowed down a bit. Sure I still drank every night, but only had a couple. Then I sped up again, drinking beers at "networking events" after work with clients when I got promoted. I'd have downed several beers before my clients even finished their first drink, then I went home and drank some more. I began drinking when I traveled, sometimes losing an entire week-long vacation to alcohol. Around age 34 I found vodka, and it was a quick slide downhill. I quit my job at 36 and drank myself into a serious health crisis and lost all meaningful relationships. I was unemployed, sick, and alone and finally hit rock bottom.
I've only been sober for a year and a half. Yet sometimes, my AV starts talking to me: "You're still young, dude! You were only an alcoholic there towards the end. You've learned your lesson, and you've done a good job. Now you know how to drink responsibly."
I am glad I know this is a trick. I've shown signs of alcoholism since I took my first drink. Is this the type of internal voice that got some of you to "go back out"? Has anyone else experienced this?
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
For me, no. My AV doesn't toss that one my way, because I didn't quit drinking because I decided that I was an alcoholic. I drank for a long time knowing that, and I think there are lots of folks that use that self assessment to continue drinking, not stop drinking. "Of course I drink all day, every day. I'm an alcoholic." What better reason could there be?
I am no longer dependent on alcohol in any way so I don't now consider myself an alcoholic, but that still has nothing to do with my sobriety. There is no condition that I could find myself in that would lead me to drinking again, so this idea means absolutely zip to me.
If this idea that you might not now be an alcoholic is one that would lead you to drink again, then it is an AV type thought. You would do best to recognize it as such, separate from it, and accept it for what it is. Onward!
I am no longer dependent on alcohol in any way so I don't now consider myself an alcoholic, but that still has nothing to do with my sobriety. There is no condition that I could find myself in that would lead me to drinking again, so this idea means absolutely zip to me.
If this idea that you might not now be an alcoholic is one that would lead you to drink again, then it is an AV type thought. You would do best to recognize it as such, separate from it, and accept it for what it is. Onward!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I've often toyed with the fact that it was only really bad towards the final three years or so. Still, I had quit enough times previously to know what happens each time I go back to it. I pick up right where I left off and it takes less time to end up in the pit. Situations that occurred from the prior times are far escalated. It scares me to think of what this next time would be.
This last time before I quit in May it was apparent what it was doing to me physically. The hangovers were brutal, sometimes lasting more than an entire day. When I was purchasing alcohol it was no longer a soothing thought of how soon I would be sitting around being happy and merry, it was a grinding feeling to get to where I needed to be so I could get it into me. That last part really scared me the most. The act of drinking was leaving a "want" status and becoming a need.
I am so thankful for SR because as painful as it is to read the posts from those who have long term sobriety and slip it keeps me mindful. My heart goes out to them. It's proof positive that the cravings may go away and we might be settled into our new and sober life but that AV will always be lurking. I keep my tapes fresh in my mind and plan on doing that forever.
This last time before I quit in May it was apparent what it was doing to me physically. The hangovers were brutal, sometimes lasting more than an entire day. When I was purchasing alcohol it was no longer a soothing thought of how soon I would be sitting around being happy and merry, it was a grinding feeling to get to where I needed to be so I could get it into me. That last part really scared me the most. The act of drinking was leaving a "want" status and becoming a need.
I am so thankful for SR because as painful as it is to read the posts from those who have long term sobriety and slip it keeps me mindful. My heart goes out to them. It's proof positive that the cravings may go away and we might be settled into our new and sober life but that AV will always be lurking. I keep my tapes fresh in my mind and plan on doing that forever.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
I do think that as i was only drinking heavy for 2 and half years. I did however drink heavy as many did when the first went to college(before my initial alcoholism). I somehow fail to figure that into the equation because it didn't cause any major problems for me. It did however set the mindset that I could handle massive amounts of booze without consequences and that it was a valid recreational activity
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
My AV doesn't tell me that because I'm not so young anymore. I started drinking like a fish when I was around 28 whereas before that I abused alcohol when I did drink. At 28 I drank every night and heavily. Kept that up for almost another twenty years. Never really did try to stop until I was 39. Went to out patient treatment and stayed sober when pregnant with my son. Went back out and then stayed sober when pregnant with my daughter. Did inpatient treatment and stayed sober for 10.5 months, relapsed and am now thirty days sober. I just turned 49.
The alcoholism doesn't get any better even if you are an alcoholic for only a short while. It comes roaring back full force once you give in and surrender to the AV. It doesn't care how old you are. It just wants you. Twenty years of my life, enslaved to a bottle of booze. You only get one go 'round in life. I choose not to spend what time I have left, pickled.
The alcoholism doesn't get any better even if you are an alcoholic for only a short while. It comes roaring back full force once you give in and surrender to the AV. It doesn't care how old you are. It just wants you. Twenty years of my life, enslaved to a bottle of booze. You only get one go 'round in life. I choose not to spend what time I have left, pickled.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Christchurch
Posts: 451
My alcoholism has cost me relationships, self respect, the respect of my colleagues and any advancement in my career. Yet tonight I lie here trying to convince myself that a few wines on Xmas day and at my sister in laws wedding will be ok. The AV is an evil seductive beast that wants us dead.
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I don't consider myself an active alcoholic anymore, but I know I still wouldn't be able to drink normally, so don't even go there. I just consider myself a non-drinker because it does me no good at all. (I never forget that)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
Yes, I relate to your post. For me, when I let the concept of being cured into my brain then it grows and the obsessions return. I use AA so I have to go back to my steps.
Based on the AV terminology, it looks like you are using RR for your recovery. Freshstart is the expert here and the concept of fixing this thought process is different. Like he says, separate and move forward.
Based on the AV terminology, it looks like you are using RR for your recovery. Freshstart is the expert here and the concept of fixing this thought process is different. Like he says, separate and move forward.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
I haven't had a drink in six years, and I still have those kinds of thoughts. Mine come from the fact that my drinking career was in short little bursts. I also never had "fun" while drinking. I never partied, and I can count the times I drank in a bar on one hand, because I couldn't control myself when I started drinking. I had three 3-6 month periods where my drinking was crazy, and I was only 24 when I sobered up. Outside of those, I never drank at all (so was I really attempting to quit/control my drinking without really making a conscious decision?). But those brief stints cost me a lot. The second one cost me grad school and the third almost cost me my job. And I lost who I was in the process. The very first time I ever had a drink, I got drunk. I am one of those people who, having had one, just can't stop. I would go from absolutely no drinking to daily drinking for hours alone in my room (so no one would know, I couldn't hurt or embarrass myself, and I couldn't drive) within the span of a few weeks. That's a hell of a rapid progression. I hate to think what would have happened to me if I had continued drinking.
But I still think, hey it wasn't that bad, was it? Maybe if I can find that magical tipping point where you go from one night a week to out of control, then I could just do that. Unfortunately, I have to admit that my tipping point is one drink. I cannot predict what will happen after I have just one, so I'd better not take that first drink.
But I still think, hey it wasn't that bad, was it? Maybe if I can find that magical tipping point where you go from one night a week to out of control, then I could just do that. Unfortunately, I have to admit that my tipping point is one drink. I cannot predict what will happen after I have just one, so I'd better not take that first drink.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
"I was only an alcoholic for a little while"....
Does anyone else ever think this to themselves? I suppose these thoughts start hitting folks after you get a couple of years sober under your belt.
no, i've not ever thought that in my few years sober now.
for me, the moment of KNOWING i AM an alcoholic was the moment i quit drinking. it's what i mean when i say i'm an alcoholic: that i know i AM. period. regardless of whether i drink or not. it's not a time-related condition. there is no going back to NOT being one.
so no, those thoughts have not hit me.
if they ever did, they'd entirely contradict my understanding of what it is for me to be an alcoholic.
Does anyone else ever think this to themselves? I suppose these thoughts start hitting folks after you get a couple of years sober under your belt.
no, i've not ever thought that in my few years sober now.
for me, the moment of KNOWING i AM an alcoholic was the moment i quit drinking. it's what i mean when i say i'm an alcoholic: that i know i AM. period. regardless of whether i drink or not. it's not a time-related condition. there is no going back to NOT being one.
so no, those thoughts have not hit me.
if they ever did, they'd entirely contradict my understanding of what it is for me to be an alcoholic.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: London
Posts: 369
My AV has been giving me that line for a while. I'm only 20 and have inly drunk alcoholically for 18 months. In fact in the last 14 months I have only drank 2 months out of them, the remaining 12 months I have spent 100% sober. The problem was , when I did drink it would completely derail me and knock me for six. I'd drink for two weeks at a time in pretty large amounts (maybe a 750ml of vodka a day) and it would just destroy my self esteem as well as give my liver a good kicking. However, everytime I sober up I bounce back so quickly and within a month or two of being sober my confidence and self esteem has sky rocketed, my relationships are great and I feel physically fantastic. So my AV says " you're not an alcoholic , you're a young healthy man wo should be able to drink from time to time. Yes you binged but you were just in a bad place at the time. This time will be different ". Total rubbish of course but I think I have learned my lesson once and for all... Me + alcohol = total disaster!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Boston
Posts: 304
Originally Posted by bigsombrero 
"I was only an alcoholic for a little while"....
Does anyone else ever think this to themselves? I suppose these thoughts start hitting folks after you get a couple of years sober under your belt. I have to admit my AV has been whispering that to me lately.
I drank for 19 years. I started as a binge drinker at my university, and by the time I was 26 I was drinking at least 5 nights per week. From age 27-30, I slowed down a bit. Sure I still drank every night, but only had a couple. Then I sped up again, drinking beers at "networking events" after work with clients when I got promoted. I'd have downed several beers before my clients even finished their first drink, then I went home and drank some more. I began drinking when I traveled, sometimes losing an entire week-long vacation to alcohol. Around age 34 I found vodka, and it was a quick slide downhill. I quit my job at 36 and drank myself into a serious health crisis and lost all meaningful relationships. I was unemployed, sick, and alone and finally hit rock bottom.
I've only been sober for a year and a half. Yet sometimes, my AV starts talking to me: "You're still young, dude! You were only an alcoholic there towards the end. You've learned your lesson, and you've done a good job. Now you know how to drink responsibly."
I am glad I know this is a trick. I've shown signs of alcoholism since I took my first drink. Is this the type of internal voice that got some of you to "go back out"? Has anyone else experienced this?
Does anyone else ever think this to themselves? I suppose these thoughts start hitting folks after you get a couple of years sober under your belt. I have to admit my AV has been whispering that to me lately.
I drank for 19 years. I started as a binge drinker at my university, and by the time I was 26 I was drinking at least 5 nights per week. From age 27-30, I slowed down a bit. Sure I still drank every night, but only had a couple. Then I sped up again, drinking beers at "networking events" after work with clients when I got promoted. I'd have downed several beers before my clients even finished their first drink, then I went home and drank some more. I began drinking when I traveled, sometimes losing an entire week-long vacation to alcohol. Around age 34 I found vodka, and it was a quick slide downhill. I quit my job at 36 and drank myself into a serious health crisis and lost all meaningful relationships. I was unemployed, sick, and alone and finally hit rock bottom.
I've only been sober for a year and a half. Yet sometimes, my AV starts talking to me: "You're still young, dude! You were only an alcoholic there towards the end. You've learned your lesson, and you've done a good job. Now you know how to drink responsibly."
I am glad I know this is a trick. I've shown signs of alcoholism since I took my first drink. Is this the type of internal voice that got some of you to "go back out"? Has anyone else experienced this?
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I suppose this is why AA meetings often start with: "I'm bigsombrero, and I'm an alcoholic". There's something about reaffirming that, verbally, that is extremely important. I haven't been to a meeting in a while, maybe I'll hit one up.
For the record, I'm not thinking of drinking - never would. Just want to stamp down that naughty little voice whenever it peeps up. Good to hear I'm not the only one that has that floating around sometimes.
Gal220 said it best: "Unfortunately, I have to admit that my tipping point is one drink."
That's me, also. I could never drink just one. And if I somehow succeeded in drinking just one, it would not be long before I'd be drunk all the time. That's just my nature. Thanks folks for the insight and opinions.
For the record, I'm not thinking of drinking - never would. Just want to stamp down that naughty little voice whenever it peeps up. Good to hear I'm not the only one that has that floating around sometimes.
Gal220 said it best: "Unfortunately, I have to admit that my tipping point is one drink."
That's me, also. I could never drink just one. And if I somehow succeeded in drinking just one, it would not be long before I'd be drunk all the time. That's just my nature. Thanks folks for the insight and opinions.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Daytona Beach, FL
Posts: 425
Just tell yourself you can have a drink tomorrow - just that alone is enough to get me to tomorrow - and of course I'll tell myself the same thing tomorrow. Getting sober sucked so bad (the relapses were not fun) that it's enough to KEEP me sober. Never regretted not drinking the next morning. If you're an alcoholic you should not drink at all - if you're NOT an alcoholic - why does it matter? You don't even think about it or have this conversation. Don't put fuel on that little spark that keeps lighting - it will burn you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
Originally Posted by KateL
I don't consider myself an active alcoholic anymore, but I know I still wouldn't be able to drink normally, so don't even go there. I just consider myself a non-drinker because it does me no good at all. (I never forget that)
As a (former) weekend binge drinker I'm not very surprised I haven't had any real desire to drink since quitting. But I know very well my ability to stop is unpredictable at best. Whatever mechanism that causes normal people to stop before losing control just doesn't exist in me, it's like a broken governor.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
BigSombrero, what would it be like to say, "Hi, I'm BigSombrero, and I am never drinking again, and never changing my mind"? And just stopped trying to decide if you fit some label or other? It seems that you won't drink IF you are an alcoholic. What happens if you make this unconditional?
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Thanks for the topic Bigsombrero. I think that what you highlight points to the different ways people think about the problem. Those in the rational recovery camp tend to see the problem in the light of an ‘addictive voice’. This is, in part, what AA refers to as “stinkin thinkin”.
Like you, I also find the term alcoholic usefull (as applied to myself). The term points to my inability to just have one drink. My body processes alcohol differently than 90% of the population. Though I could drink moderately at one point in the past, I have passed a point of no return when it comes to drinking alcohol. I know I cannot limit myself to one drink. I know I will never be able to drink like a normal person. Normal meaning typical. This defines my alcoholism. It’s an important thing for me to keep in mind in order to help me with my stinkin thinkin.
Like you, I also find the term alcoholic usefull (as applied to myself). The term points to my inability to just have one drink. My body processes alcohol differently than 90% of the population. Though I could drink moderately at one point in the past, I have passed a point of no return when it comes to drinking alcohol. I know I cannot limit myself to one drink. I know I will never be able to drink like a normal person. Normal meaning typical. This defines my alcoholism. It’s an important thing for me to keep in mind in order to help me with my stinkin thinkin.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
Originally Posted by awuh1
Thanks for the topic Bigsombrero. I think that what you highlight points to the different ways people think about the problem. Those in the rational recovery camp tend to see the problem in the light of an ‘addictive voice’. This is, in part, what AA refers to as “stinkin thinkin”.
Like you, I also find the term alcoholic usefull (as applied to myself). The term points to my inability to just have one drink. My body processes alcohol differently than 90% of the population. Though I could drink moderately at one point in the past, I have passed a point of no return when it comes to drinking alcohol. I know I cannot limit myself to one drink. I know I will never be able to drink like a normal person. Normal meaning typical. This defines my alcoholism. It’s an important thing for me to keep in mind in order to help me with my stinkin thinkin.
Like you, I also find the term alcoholic usefull (as applied to myself). The term points to my inability to just have one drink. My body processes alcohol differently than 90% of the population. Though I could drink moderately at one point in the past, I have passed a point of no return when it comes to drinking alcohol. I know I cannot limit myself to one drink. I know I will never be able to drink like a normal person. Normal meaning typical. This defines my alcoholism. It’s an important thing for me to keep in mind in order to help me with my stinkin thinkin.
I never understood why anyone would have 1-2 drinks, stop, and say "whao, I'm starting to feel that". In my deranged mind, that's like stopping after 60 seconds of sex because I was "losing control". Haha
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I guess I just used the term "AV" because I see it a lot on the board. Call it what you will - "AV", "stinkin' thinking", "drinking thinking", I believe we all deal with it to some degree. Sometimes it manifests itself as anger, frustration, and in other ways. It's alcoholic thinking, really.
I agree with most of the points made on the topic, thanks again for the feedback. For those that expressed a mild concern, I'm never drinking again, I've said that and I mean it and I'm not in any danger here folks. However...I am not going to start getting too smart for my own good. When I have these thoughts, it's best that I share them. Whether that's in a meeting, online, or with a close friend. I know that leaving myself alone with my own brain has proven unhealthy in the past, that's for sure...
Good thing SR is here, even before work on a Monday morning! Thanks all.
I agree with most of the points made on the topic, thanks again for the feedback. For those that expressed a mild concern, I'm never drinking again, I've said that and I mean it and I'm not in any danger here folks. However...I am not going to start getting too smart for my own good. When I have these thoughts, it's best that I share them. Whether that's in a meeting, online, or with a close friend. I know that leaving myself alone with my own brain has proven unhealthy in the past, that's for sure...
Good thing SR is here, even before work on a Monday morning! Thanks all.
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