hideous Four Horsemen - "Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair."
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hideous Four Horsemen - "Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair."
His language became positively evangelical as he warmed to his subject, a phenomenon common to all the alcoholics I spoke to for this article, and to the A.A. literature I was given to read. In the A.A. Bible, Alcoholics Anonymous (or the Big Book as insiders call it, after it was printed on thicker-than-average paper to reassure tight-fisted alcoholics that they were getting value for money), Bill W. summarizes the alcoholic nightmare in apocalyptic style. "The less people tolerated US," he recalls, "the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol , shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding, companionship and approval. Momentarily we did. Then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair." In his subsequent book, Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Bill W. suggests A.A. members approach the quasi-confessional Step Four by taking "a universally recognized list of major human failings - the Seven Deadly Sins of pride, greed, lust, anger, gluttony, envy and sloth."
taken from the AA Big Book
taken from the AA Big Book
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Originally Posted by Music 
Thank God I haven't met up with those Four Horsemen in a long time.
I hear you with that one
but, I still don't forget them
truly was - a living hell
MB
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"Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end."
Alcoholics Anonymous pp 151-152
MMB,
The paragraph you quoted and the paragraph I quoted (which follows your paragraph in the book) had the most profound impact on me when coming to terms with my alcoholism. It described my state of mind at the end of my drinking perfectly. When I reached the point where I couldn't imagine life either with or without alcohol I was in a special spot in hell that is hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been there.
Alcoholics Anonymous pp 151-152
MMB,
The paragraph you quoted and the paragraph I quoted (which follows your paragraph in the book) had the most profound impact on me when coming to terms with my alcoholism. It described my state of mind at the end of my drinking perfectly. When I reached the point where I couldn't imagine life either with or without alcohol I was in a special spot in hell that is hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been there.
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Originally Posted by Grungehead
When I reached the point where I couldn't imagine life either with or without alcohol I was in a special spot in hell that is hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been there.
I have done my best many different times
to try and explain the place in which you are talking about
one thing for sure
I would not wish to meet my maker in that condition
MountainmanBob
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Originally Posted by Grungehead
"Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end."
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TODAY: WALL-LESS COCOON
Some of the important people in my life told me that I would be a fine person if I did not drink alcohol or do any violence. When I came into the Program I did stop drinking alcohol and I stopped the outward expression of violence. I was not a fine person just stopping anything. Actually I felt a deeper anger, which later turned out to be fear. I never let myself consciously admit I was fearful, in my family showing fear was forbidden. Of course at first I did not have the tools to address the conditions and causes of my disease. Plus I no longer had my "medicine" alcohol to keep me from feeling and caring; I felt there was no way out. The last year of my drinking I became well acquainted with the hideous Four Horseman – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair (page 151 of the Big Book).
I genuinely thought I would be free with just stopping bad things, but I was not free, in fact I felt still bound. I found that I did not know how to live unbound within my personal "reality" drunk or sober. I was imprisoned in a Wall-less Cocoon, I spun from my illusions under the pretence I was protecting myself from enemies of my own making out of nightmares and sick fantasies.
Yes it became clear that the absence of bad stuff does not equal a loving, fulfilling way of life, but it is a good start.
QUESTIONS
Did you buy into the idea that all you had to do was to stop a few bad things, and you would be just fine?
How had you imprisoned yourself?
This is not an official Alcoholics Anonymous Web-Site.
089 Day 30 of a 40-Day Practice 12 Step Workbook
Some of the important people in my life told me that I would be a fine person if I did not drink alcohol or do any violence. When I came into the Program I did stop drinking alcohol and I stopped the outward expression of violence. I was not a fine person just stopping anything. Actually I felt a deeper anger, which later turned out to be fear. I never let myself consciously admit I was fearful, in my family showing fear was forbidden. Of course at first I did not have the tools to address the conditions and causes of my disease. Plus I no longer had my "medicine" alcohol to keep me from feeling and caring; I felt there was no way out. The last year of my drinking I became well acquainted with the hideous Four Horseman – Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair (page 151 of the Big Book).
I genuinely thought I would be free with just stopping bad things, but I was not free, in fact I felt still bound. I found that I did not know how to live unbound within my personal "reality" drunk or sober. I was imprisoned in a Wall-less Cocoon, I spun from my illusions under the pretence I was protecting myself from enemies of my own making out of nightmares and sick fantasies.
Yes it became clear that the absence of bad stuff does not equal a loving, fulfilling way of life, but it is a good start.
QUESTIONS
Did you buy into the idea that all you had to do was to stop a few bad things, and you would be just fine?
How had you imprisoned yourself?
This is not an official Alcoholics Anonymous Web-Site.
089 Day 30 of a 40-Day Practice 12 Step Workbook
Psalm 118:24
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Funny this post popped up. Watched the movie now you see me and there were a group going by that name.
I researched it and had forgotten it was from the bible.
151 made more sense to me then anything else first reading it sober.
So glad to no longer being on the ledge
I researched it and had forgotten it was from the bible.
151 made more sense to me then anything else first reading it sober.
So glad to no longer being on the ledge
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Originally Posted by Brian316
Unfortunately I know them well. Truly grateful they haven't visited me in over 4 months.
when my Sponsor took me to that part of the AA Big Book
I so related to them
Mountainman
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question for myself on this sober morning
what would happen if I forgot about the rough life in my drinking past ?
would I in time drink again ?
the thought of that is terrifying today
I remember well the day in which my Sponsor pointed out to me in the Big Book
hideous Four Horsemen - "Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair."
oh yes I could relate to those
I hope that I never forget how it was it my drinking past
how easily man (or woman) can deceive themselves
Mountainmanbob
what would happen if I forgot about the rough life in my drinking past ?
would I in time drink again ?
the thought of that is terrifying today
I remember well the day in which my Sponsor pointed out to me in the Big Book
hideous Four Horsemen - "Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair."
oh yes I could relate to those
I hope that I never forget how it was it my drinking past
how easily man (or woman) can deceive themselves
Mountainmanbob
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hideous Four Horsemen - "Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair."
hideous Four Horsemen - "Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair."
Just ran across this old thread.
There was a time in which I seemed to be married to the Four Horsemen.
Each day of drinking was filled with some of that.
Amazing how our lives change -- if we just stay away from the liquid devil.
M-Bob
Just ran across this old thread.
There was a time in which I seemed to be married to the Four Horsemen.
Each day of drinking was filled with some of that.
Amazing how our lives change -- if we just stay away from the liquid devil.
M-Bob
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hideous Four Horsemen - "Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration and Despair."
The first time in which my Sponsor took me to the page in the Book Book and had me read the above -- what else could I say -- except -- yes, I relate to that. For yes, that is exactly when I had been.
MB
The first time in which my Sponsor took me to the page in the Book Book and had me read the above -- what else could I say -- except -- yes, I relate to that. For yes, that is exactly when I had been.
MB
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Originally Posted by Grungehead
"Now and then a serious drinker, being dry at the moment says, "I don't miss it at all. Feel better. Work better. Having a better time." As ex-problem drinkers, we smile at such a sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits. He fools himself. Inwardly he would give anything to take half a dozen drinks and get away with them. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end."
Alcoholics Anonymous pp 151-152
MMB,
The paragraph you quoted and the paragraph I quoted (which follows your paragraph in the book) had the most profound impact on me when coming to terms with my alcoholism. It described my state of mind at the end of my drinking perfectly. When I reached the point where I couldn't imagine life either with or without alcohol I was in a special spot in hell that is hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been there.
Alcoholics Anonymous pp 151-152
MMB,
The paragraph you quoted and the paragraph I quoted (which follows your paragraph in the book) had the most profound impact on me when coming to terms with my alcoholism. It described my state of mind at the end of my drinking perfectly. When I reached the point where I couldn't imagine life either with or without alcohol I was in a special spot in hell that is hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been there.
That describes me perfectly as well, when I stopped drinking.
I couldn't picture a life without alcohol but I couldn't imagine a life with it.
The hangovers became intolerable.
But I did know one thing for sure. Life without alcohol couldn't possibly be any worse than life with it.
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