BarbieKen

I had to try a few different meetings to find a room where I felt ok. That ok feeling grew to much, much more in the year I've been sober. My Recovery world also includes a non-specific 12 Step Big Book Study, and I also attend 2 C.A. Meetings a week. I see the friends I made in my original home meeting, at other 12 Step Meetings, Marathons, social events, each other's houses etc. This is a HUGE deal for me. I literally stayed in my kitchen drinking each night, till I moved to our bedroom to finish the job and pass out. I'm learning how to speak in public again. As you can tell by reading my comments, the 12 Step Fellowships have actually been an important tool in my Recovery. . Bobbi

bigsombrero

So let me get this straight:

You have been engaged to this heavy-drinking alcoholic for 3 years. He has been drinking throughout. A few days ago, he lost his job. He stopped drinking for these few days, and went to an AA meeting. He then instantly claims that he is going to do "90/90". The next day, he comes home and says he does not like AA anymore.

This is classic alcoholic behavior. Lots of big talk and big promises that he goes back on almost immediately and does a complete 180.

Your finance needs a lot of work. You simply can't just "fix" this condition by going to a few meetings, then doing a 90/90. That would be like going to a karate lesson and then assuming you can take the black belt test the next day. It sounds like your finance is a bit delusional about how bad his problem is. And that's all okay. We've all been there. Heck, I made some outlandish promises to more than one girlfriend - especially when it looked like I might lose them. Boy, I would sure put on a show then. Too bad I never kept my word.

This is not about AA, or 90-90. This is about him, "quacking" as they say, and running around making promises that he won't keep. You sound like you are pretty enamored with this guy, and I'm sure you have your reasons...but you've been engaged for 3 years. Something tells me he's made promises in the past to you that haven't exactly materialized yet. And this whole AA deal sounds like another one to add to the list. Sorry...

Johno1967

Spot on Big Sombrero.

So what if he doesn't like AA?
The important thing is does he want to get sober bad enough that's he's willing to give it am honest go?
Time to grow up, suit up, show up and shut up.

Mountainmanbob

I still wonder what I'm doing at meetings sometimes
then a thought comes to mind that keeps me humble
grateful to be sober - right
well - keep doing what you have been doing that helped to get you sober

Mountainman

Croissant

Hi Jessica. Like others have said, if he wants to stop, he will find a way to stop.

I hope this really has been a fright for him and he finds a An AA group that works for him, or at least sticks at keeping sober.

I would be great to predict what he's going to do! You know that's not possible. But what IS possible is for him to stay sober. And I hope he does.

Best of luck.

flutter

I like to hear that he knows he needs to do "something". I did the same thing, I mean AA is well known, free, all over the place and I just thought it's what I had to do, or what I was supposed to do. I went to a lot of meetings while on the sidelines I researched getting a good counselor for some one on one work and support. Once I found my therapist, I stopped meetings. It wasn't for me, but like him I knew I couldn't treat myself by myself. I commend AA for being available, in person, and many other things, but it is not a requirement for recovery.

There are lots of options out there for getting support and guidance, I hope that he seeks out something that will truly provide the instruction, support and wellness that he's looking for.

flutter

Oh, and don't feel bad about crossing over to 'our' side I think if more of us talked together we could really provide a lot of great support to each other!!