This won't be all that enjoyable
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 98
I'm a hypocrite. I raised those boys in a sober house, while the one true love of my life was a fkn bottle of ethanol and water.
I showed them the downsides of drinking, yet i do it myself.
I guess i'm just not the guy they think I am. Or maybe grunge is right and they always knew and just saw the bright side.
Oh man. I'm going to be in my late 50s when these new kids go off to college. If i'm in their life they'll be those kids with the creepy old dad. The boys had a young handsome dad, I've little in the way of aesthetics to offer the world anymore.
I showed them the downsides of drinking, yet i do it myself.
I guess i'm just not the guy they think I am. Or maybe grunge is right and they always knew and just saw the bright side.
Oh man. I'm going to be in my late 50s when these new kids go off to college. If i'm in their life they'll be those kids with the creepy old dad. The boys had a young handsome dad, I've little in the way of aesthetics to offer the world anymore.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Old or young inabadway doesn't matter.
It's being there for your kids and what's in your heart that really matters.
My father and mother split before I was born and were divorced by the time
I was three weeks old. He was drunk with PTSD and chased her, 8 months on with me,
into the yard with a butcher knife saying he was going to deliver me via ceserian section.
I grew up without him, minimal child support, no emotional support or even help
with college expenses when I grew up. Now I'm carrying almost 100 grand in student loans since my working mother who was a schoolteacher
and alcoholic in her turn could not afford to help me. I paid for it all myselfand he refused to help though he could easily afford it.
His parents paid for him to attend Northwestern with no obligation but to study.
I'm a educator now and with my whopping 55 grand salary, even with a BA, two MAs and a PHD it is likely I'm a debt slave for life.
Do you really want to wish that kind of struggle on your twins? I doubt it.
So be there for your kids emotionally and financially since you can.
You've clearly got a good heart under the brash and bravado and are capable
of being a fine father. Look at your boys. You are proud of them and you should be
That's a good part your doing, and not just that first shot in the dark.
Feck aesthetics--we all get old. Get wise and then get wiser.
Be kind, be honest (you've got a good start there already)
and treat everyone, especially yourself, with real compassion.
Nobody will notice the packaging if the goods inside are pure gold.
It's being there for your kids and what's in your heart that really matters.
My father and mother split before I was born and were divorced by the time
I was three weeks old. He was drunk with PTSD and chased her, 8 months on with me,
into the yard with a butcher knife saying he was going to deliver me via ceserian section.
I grew up without him, minimal child support, no emotional support or even help
with college expenses when I grew up. Now I'm carrying almost 100 grand in student loans since my working mother who was a schoolteacher
and alcoholic in her turn could not afford to help me. I paid for it all myselfand he refused to help though he could easily afford it.
His parents paid for him to attend Northwestern with no obligation but to study.
I'm a educator now and with my whopping 55 grand salary, even with a BA, two MAs and a PHD it is likely I'm a debt slave for life.
Do you really want to wish that kind of struggle on your twins? I doubt it.
So be there for your kids emotionally and financially since you can.
You've clearly got a good heart under the brash and bravado and are capable
of being a fine father. Look at your boys. You are proud of them and you should be
That's a good part your doing, and not just that first shot in the dark.
Feck aesthetics--we all get old. Get wise and then get wiser.
Be kind, be honest (you've got a good start there already)
and treat everyone, especially yourself, with real compassion.
Nobody will notice the packaging if the goods inside are pure gold.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 98
Wall Street and everything related is evil, Hawkeye. The crimes committed against humans by the debt givers is beyond all others. There is absolutely no decency on Wall Street. i truly do appreciate what you are saying here. I am sorry, which I suppose sounds lame, but ... oh that is one bad industry. They took over college and turned it from something that educates and empowers into a debt machine. Its horrible what they have done.
I appreciate your comments, I appreciate EVERYBODIES comments here. I can't even believe people have been this kind to such a crappy guy.
I remember in 3rd grade, I would go over to the school and have lunch with my son, he liked that. This girl said I was "a babe", some 10 year old. Absolutely nobody will ever say that about me again, time has taken a toll. I was the best player at community softball. I could ride bike farther and easier than any of the other dads, every time. I won't be anymore. I'll be an old fart. I hate that, I hate the weathering. I think I thought I would live forever, once. I think I thought my dad got old, but I couldn't. So great was me. Man is time humbling, like nothing else.
I guess, tho, maybe you are right. Maybe the new kids could still be proud of me. I suppose kids really just need to be cared for. And that person doing it is their hero. In retrospect, I can see all my dads flaws. To me, as a kid, he was my hero. The guy was special forces, we were poor, he was cranky all the time, but man I NEVER felt unsafe around that man. I was the kid who warned creepy strangers at kmart that they should probably go bother some other kid, you have no idea what is sitting at the door with his hat over his eyes sleeping.
I do not possess his powers, but I guess I can provide some things.
I appreciate your comments, I appreciate EVERYBODIES comments here. I can't even believe people have been this kind to such a crappy guy.
I remember in 3rd grade, I would go over to the school and have lunch with my son, he liked that. This girl said I was "a babe", some 10 year old. Absolutely nobody will ever say that about me again, time has taken a toll. I was the best player at community softball. I could ride bike farther and easier than any of the other dads, every time. I won't be anymore. I'll be an old fart. I hate that, I hate the weathering. I think I thought I would live forever, once. I think I thought my dad got old, but I couldn't. So great was me. Man is time humbling, like nothing else.
I guess, tho, maybe you are right. Maybe the new kids could still be proud of me. I suppose kids really just need to be cared for. And that person doing it is their hero. In retrospect, I can see all my dads flaws. To me, as a kid, he was my hero. The guy was special forces, we were poor, he was cranky all the time, but man I NEVER felt unsafe around that man. I was the kid who warned creepy strangers at kmart that they should probably go bother some other kid, you have no idea what is sitting at the door with his hat over his eyes sleeping.
I do not possess his powers, but I guess I can provide some things.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,949
Originally Posted by inabadway 
I am terribly glad your dad didn't hurt you. Terribly glad.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 98
more than anything else here is what I've realized.
I'm just a person. I get all old, I get all crappy, my hair falls out.
My struggle is a god complex, so to speak. That infinite confidence, which, by the way, only exists because I'm so willing to fail. That, folks, is what confidence really is. Knowing you CAN fail and knowing you'll live through it. Ultimate confidence is just being fully prepared for the possibility of failing BUT doing your best to not.
The only possible form of optimism is realism. THE ONLY.
I have had almost not believable successes. I have also failed more than any other man I have ever met.
At every single thing. Thats how I got good at them.
Man I just hope, I just truly hope, I don't fail at parenthood. And here's teh thing, you can try business again, you can flirt with some girl and if you mess those things up you can just try again. Parenthood is a one time deal, if you mess that up, you CAN'T just call a do-over.
Its the one thing you should fear failing. you cannot even imagine how much I've failed. I embrace that I can and do, and that has been my power in business since I learned it.
I'm just a person. I get all old, I get all crappy, my hair falls out.
My struggle is a god complex, so to speak. That infinite confidence, which, by the way, only exists because I'm so willing to fail. That, folks, is what confidence really is. Knowing you CAN fail and knowing you'll live through it. Ultimate confidence is just being fully prepared for the possibility of failing BUT doing your best to not.
The only possible form of optimism is realism. THE ONLY.
I have had almost not believable successes. I have also failed more than any other man I have ever met.
At every single thing. Thats how I got good at them.
Man I just hope, I just truly hope, I don't fail at parenthood. And here's teh thing, you can try business again, you can flirt with some girl and if you mess those things up you can just try again. Parenthood is a one time deal, if you mess that up, you CAN'T just call a do-over.
Its the one thing you should fear failing. you cannot even imagine how much I've failed. I embrace that I can and do, and that has been my power in business since I learned it.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by inabadway
more than anything else here is what I've realized.
I'm just a person. I get all old, I get all crappy, my hair falls out.
My struggle is a god complex, so to speak. That infinite confidence, which, by the way, only exists because I'm so willing to fail. That, folks, is what confidence really is. Knowing you CAN fail and knowing you'll live through it. Ultimate confidence is just being fully prepared for the possibility of failing BUT doing your best to not.
The only possible form of optimism is realism. THE ONLY.
I have had almost not believable successes. I have also failed more than any other man I have ever met.
At every single thing. Thats how I got good at them.
Man I just hope, I just truly hope, I don't fail at parenthood. And here's teh thing, you can try business again, you can flirt with some girl and if you mess those things up you can just try again. Parenthood is a one time deal, if you mess that up, you CAN'T just call a do-over.
Its the one thing you should fear failing. you cannot even imagine how much I've failed. I embrace that I can and do, and that has been my power in business since I learned it.
I'm just a person. I get all old, I get all crappy, my hair falls out.
My struggle is a god complex, so to speak. That infinite confidence, which, by the way, only exists because I'm so willing to fail. That, folks, is what confidence really is. Knowing you CAN fail and knowing you'll live through it. Ultimate confidence is just being fully prepared for the possibility of failing BUT doing your best to not.
The only possible form of optimism is realism. THE ONLY.
I have had almost not believable successes. I have also failed more than any other man I have ever met.
At every single thing. Thats how I got good at them.
Man I just hope, I just truly hope, I don't fail at parenthood. And here's teh thing, you can try business again, you can flirt with some girl and if you mess those things up you can just try again. Parenthood is a one time deal, if you mess that up, you CAN'T just call a do-over.
Its the one thing you should fear failing. you cannot even imagine how much I've failed. I embrace that I can and do, and that has been my power in business since I learned it.
Have you ever read the book of Eclesiastes? You and the writer sound a lot alike, and maybe at similar junctions in your life. He is all about reality. I've always identified alot with that guy.
Truly, no matter how much you think you've succeeded or failed, or how you speculate your twins will one day look at your or feel about you..you're not unique. Sorry.
Like I said, welcome to the human race. Reality is the great leveler. Our details differ but the human condition remains the same.
Honesty is a real asset in recovery. True humility, being just as we are, neither making ourselves out to be better or worse. We learn and are able to be honest in degrees and stages. It's a process. We learn to see, and address life and ourselves just as it is.
Glad to have you on board.
True statement...you don't have to impress anyone here. You dont' have to be better, or worse, or more guilty, or smarter, or dumber, etc etc than anyone. Just be you. No one is keeping score. Heck, no one even cares. We care that we are all in recovery, that's it. We care that we all do the next right thing and don't fall back into active addiction.
You're doing a good thing for your kids, the boys you aleardy know, and the twins yet to be born, by getting sober.
The rest will fall into place.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Yes and work on staying sober.
Self pity and whining will only get you one thing: drunk.
You have a chance here, there is tremendous support from people who are also alcoholics and have nothing to gain from you (meaning we are unimpressed by your money and won't kiss your butt), This is really a great opportunity for you to get some truly honest and genuine feedback and support. Make the most of it.
Have you started exploring recovery options? Do you have a plan for after your detox?
Self pity and whining will only get you one thing: drunk.
You have a chance here, there is tremendous support from people who are also alcoholics and have nothing to gain from you (meaning we are unimpressed by your money and won't kiss your butt), This is really a great opportunity for you to get some truly honest and genuine feedback and support. Make the most of it.
Have you started exploring recovery options? Do you have a plan for after your detox?
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Canberra ACT Australia
Posts: 5
you're not alone. i think I used "achievements" as a cover for what was going on underneath the surface. my approach is to try not to think about all the stupid and humiliating stuff i've done, including sleeping with all manner of inappropriate men, and to focus on 'peeling back the layers of the onion', in the hope that if sober for long enough, i might find something nice. not just the bad stuff. If i think too much about the bad stuff it just encourages the cycle of self abuse one way or another. I also like to think that it is possible that on soul level perfection is the starting point not the goal. just need to be clear headed enough to be able to see it. I'm a long way off that, but it gives me a glimmer of hope...
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by inabadway
Well maybe I'll write my story. I suppose if I just tell the truth it'll be far weirder than fiction. Maybe thats a horrible plan. Then all 5 kids will know
Here is a sticky with some of the options available out there
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
When I was drinking, I thought I was unique. I thought I was special. I had an excuse for everything. I was the victim. My story was different, and if people only knew it, they'd understand why I had to drink. I've since discovered that all that is crap. Circumstances don't matter to alcoholism, and they don't matter to the people on this board or in the rooms of AA if that's what you choose to do. It doesn't matter if I'm rich, in Mensa, successful, famous, influential, or in any other way exceptional. Bottom line is that I'm a drunk - a selfish, lying, drunk. The people on here are drunks too, and I can learn from them if I want to. Or I can keep being unique.
As an aside, it's also been my experience that kids don't really care what excuses their parents had. So explaining the whys to them may make you feel better, but it doesn't really mean anything. As an example, I had a twelve year old student tell me yesterday that his grandfather drank and so that's why his dad is mean to him. All he cared about is that his dad is mean to him. All kids know is whether their parents were there for them or not; they don't really care why.
As an aside, it's also been my experience that kids don't really care what excuses their parents had. So explaining the whys to them may make you feel better, but it doesn't really mean anything. As an example, I had a twelve year old student tell me yesterday that his grandfather drank and so that's why his dad is mean to him. All he cared about is that his dad is mean to him. All kids know is whether their parents were there for them or not; they don't really care why.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Gal220
When I was drinking, I thought I was unique. I thought I was special. I had an excuse for everything. I was the victim. My story was different, and if people only knew it, they'd understand why I had to drink. I've since discovered that all that is crap. Circumstances don't matter to alcoholism, and they don't matter to the people on this board or in the rooms of AA if that's what you choose to do. It doesn't matter if I'm rich, in Mensa, successful, famous, influential, or in any other way exceptional. Bottom line is that I'm a drunk - a selfish, lying, drunk. The people on here are drunks too, and I can learn from them if I want to. Or I can keep being unique.
As an aside, it's also been my experience that kids don't really care what excuses their parents had. So explaining the whys to them may make you feel better, but it doesn't really mean anything. As an example, I had a twelve year old student tell me yesterday that his grandfather drank and so that's why his dad is mean to him. All he cared about is that his dad is mean to him. All kids know is whether their parents were there for them or not; they don't really care why.
As an aside, it's also been my experience that kids don't really care what excuses their parents had. So explaining the whys to them may make you feel better, but it doesn't really mean anything. As an example, I had a twelve year old student tell me yesterday that his grandfather drank and so that's why his dad is mean to him. All he cared about is that his dad is mean to him. All kids know is whether their parents were there for them or not; they don't really care why.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 98
Originally Posted by Carlotta
I meant, are you thinking of going to AA? SMART recovery? Ordering the Rational Recovery book? Going to private therapy? Trying with only SR as a support group and see what happens?
Here is a sticky with some of the options available out there
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Here is a sticky with some of the options available out there
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 370
Originally Posted by inabadway
i suppose in the end i'll just have to man up
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