How do i choose a sponsor??
 

I think for the first time in my short 34 days of sobriety and attending 1-3 AA meetings a week I am ready to go all in. I've typically sat in the back of meetings and left abruptly upon completion of the meeting. I'm not the most social person upon first meeting people. I've relapsed quite a few times after attempting to quit. I really want it to stick this time. I see the change it makes in people's lives and that is the change I'm looking for. I want to quit feeling sorry for myself that I can't drink anymore. I want to quit resenting my wife because she's a ' normie ' and I'm really quitting for her and my kids. I want the urge to drink everyday to go away and become a better father and husband. My question is how to go about picking a sponsor. How do I know I'm picking the right person. And typically in the past once things have started going better I stop leaning on anyone who has helped me get to that point. Any suggestions would help. Thnx. MB8.

I never had a sponsor personally. But I do have many virtual sponsors on SR :-)
What I like about that is that I take little prices of wisdom that fit me. It like a wisdom buffet!! LOL

Do you work the 12 steps at all or have you needed to. I can't get to step 1 although I am trying. I needed a little coaxing and convincing. MB8

Best way I've found to decide on a sponsor is to go to meetings and watch. Find a few guys who seem to have what you want. When you find some, talk to each of them and maybe you can figure out from there which one you would feel comfortable with as a sponsor, then ask them.

Here is the official AA pamphlet on sponsorship. I hope it will be helpful.
http://www.aa.org/pdf/products/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

A sponsor will guide you through the steps, but a sponsor won't "coax and convince" you to complete a step.

Listen to people at the meetings, and ask a person whom you respect. If he cannot be your sponsor, maybe that person can help you find a sponsor.

Thank you. MB8

I work the steps. What you might find useful is to put in writing in two columns
as in a balance sheet
Assets: The positive aspects of my drinking
Liabilities: The negatives
Then you will have a visual of how the negatives far outweigh the positives.

Second, powerlessness:
Write down (you don't have to go in long details) all the bad things which happened to you in which alcohol was involved.
Write down what generally happens when you set out to have just one. Can you stop at one? Does it end up in a binge?
Write down if you have tried quitting before what led you back to picking up again. Were you obsessing over drinking while sober? Did you decide that you could just have one?

It s a little bit of footwork but once it is on paper, it should help you get a clearer picture of your relationship with alcohol and how problematic it is for you.

Wow. Thnx Carlotta. All those questions that you posed I had nothing but Negative answers. I don't think I've ever had just one in 20 years. Never. Never anything good has happened. Well I did get up the courage to go up and talk to my future wife at the beach. Lol. But these are the questions that a new person like myself needs to be asked b4 I realize that I truly may be powerless over alcohol. That's why I'm leaning towards getting a sponsor b4 my alcoholic mind convinces me that maybe my problem wasn't that bad after all and I go right back. It's happened many times. Thanks for your time and caring. MB8.

I am Alanon -- not AA -- just a declaration.

Just acknowledge you can't know, or control or . . . THAT is the basis of Step 1.

I would suggest that FIRST -- you Pray about this. AND then during the "open to the floor" portion of your favorite AA meeting . . . you speak and say near exact what you posted here. Bet you will not leave the door without a New Sponsor.

That will get you started, and you can upgrade, if you need. Progress, Not Perfection.

Remember --

God could and would if He were sought. AND

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

CLAIM those Promises. They are Promises.

What does it mean to you to be an alcoholic?

Do you think the steps would help you?

Are you willing to believe there may be a power greater than you?

It really helps if you can relate to them. I just got one myself. He's around the same age, 6 years sober, great house and starting a family, has the job he wants. Personally, I just look at him thinking that I want what he has, and he's offering to bring me through what has helped him to attain and maintain it(if I drink, there's NO WAY I can make any significant changes). Like cold fusion said, they definitely won't force you or make you do anything, they leave the work up to you if you want. I've enjoyed the experience do far.

Do you have a home group?

My Sponsor has what I want. Watch, observe your prospect In their daily life at home or work. I trust my sponsor. My Sponsor has earned the right to hear my story.

Reading Chapter 3 "More about Alcoholism"--and more importantly, really thinking about what is written--helped me with Step 1. After one particularly painful hangover, the first two paragraphs finally made me understand and accept that I am a man "who has lost the ability to control" my drinking. I am powerless once I start.

I suggest reading Chapter 3 if you haven't, or reading it again if you have.

Just ask! Great posts on this thread BTW. Listen for someone (same Sex) that has something you want, not material, but sounds like their sobriety is working for them and they can share how they did it with you. Ask a couple people. AA folks only keep what they have by giving it away. Glad you are here!

Hey MB8

You can usually get a temporary sponsor and see how the relationship works. Personally I went with someone who had long term sobriety and I could relate to. Like any relationship , sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't. If you find the situation isn't working you can try another sponsor. I have been lucky to have a great sponsor who actually went out this summer in a big way after a series of issues. He remains my sponsor as I accept he is an alcoholic just like me and his disease flared up. We simply help each other through things.

I noted you say your quitting for your wife and your kids. I can only relate my story and I found I could not quit for anyone or anything other than myself. I am not saying that the motivation of others is not a good thing , it is , but from my time in AA , most people who stick came in when they were ready to change for themselves. I could not quit for my wife and kids but losing them left me with one person to quit for , myself and that's when I got serious and stuck.


Step 1 has two parts , the powerless over alcohol and the unmanageable present life situation. Some peopel have it when they arrive , it was a gift and a start on the steps. Others seems to take some time and more experiments with trying to control their drinking.There are lots of good ways to see the truth of those two conditions. Most people have an idea when they get to AA that once they start drinking they never know when it might stop , how much they might drink or what might happen even after repeated proof things go poorly.

The unmanageable part is much more than stopping drinking usually. For me it was about the resentments , anger , self loathing , perfectionism , terror , bewilderment , and despair stemming from a corrupt way of thinking and a lack of any spiritual basis in my life. This drove emotions and thoughts that were nowhere close to sanity. Step 2 and 3 started the process or restoration of sanity.

SR is a great resource and glad you are here.