Bit taken aback
 

As some of you know, I am on holiday at the moment and really enjoying it. I find I am becoming more sociable since I stopped drinking. I make some small talk with people at the buffet table - "the chicken is not good", "the fish is excellent" etc :) This sounds small but it is a big deal for me as I am quite shy. I have met some interesting people. Yesterday I met a nice couple from Finland and last night I was chatting to a man who told me about his student days when he got deported from the US for transporting draft dodgers across the border to Canada during the Vietnam war. Some people have very colourful lives.

Anyway, I never tell anyone about my private life except for very close friends and family. Anyway tonight we were in the restaurant and the couple at the next table invited us to join them for a drink. The three others ordered a bottle of wine and I asked for a sprite. I noticed the guy looking at me and I knew what was coming but I was still shocked as I have genuinely never been asked it before. He looked at me across the table and said "an Irish person who doesn't drink - why is that?" I was flabbergasted at the question itself and the tone. My mind went blank and all I could think to say was "I just don't like the taste of alcohol". Then my friend said "that's a good reason not to drink anyway" and she started telling them about our trip to the market today.

So I just wanted to get my irritation off my chest. Also what do you guys say to people who ask why you don't drink? Have a nice evening and thanks for reading x

I just say I don't drink Tetra.
You might feel like you need to give more explanation but you really don 't :)

D

Gosh, that is sooo rude, and unfortunately there really rude people out there.

I'm with Dee. The question doesn't deserve an explanation. 'No, thanks' is all I would offer.

Agreed, at some point you will have enough sober time to feel comfortable just saying no thanks. I can relate. My approach is I have broken break pedal. Dee's post does make me wonder when I won't feel I need to justify myself.

It is weird. I am helping a friend move tomorrow and we finalized the plans last night. His final comments were" alright bro, I'll get all the beer ". How do I let him know, someone who is used to seeing me drink without putting a billboard across my forehead that says IM IN RECOVERY. A stranger I would have no problem saying no thanks but to a friend it's more difficult. My recovery is my private issue that I don't want to discuss with everyone. A close friend it would be easier but this is more of a newer buddy that just moved a few doors down. Kind of strange.

Sober today and grateful. MB8

I usually say I'm driving which I generally am, but if I'm on holiday or something, I would probably say I don't drink and that's it. No one seems to push it after that. Bloomin cheek with the stereotyping though. You should have sprung from the table and done a Michael Flatley impersonation :)

I always felt the need to offer an voluminous explanation - then I realised I'd subconsciously assumed everyone else's world revolved around drinking and thoughts of drinking like mine did.

Very few think about drinking the way I did. Most people are not remotely interested whether I drink or not.

I think I will just start saying I don't like how it makes me feel anymore.

I'm sorry you had to sit with such a nosy person!

I am around a lot alcohol with my work and generallythe courteous thing to do is offer me a drink as well, even though I am working, for me it is a easy throw of, just a smile and simply say no thanks..its easy.....and they get it, I am working....I didn't like to drink around clients anyway..
Not so close family and friends are different, I don't know why I feel I need to qualify my 'No thanks" but generally I do... I say things like "I have to get up early in the morning', 'I am driving', 'I am doing a detox', 'I have stuff I have to do later.' etc

There are only a few people that know I am an alcoholic.

I remember when I first quit smoking there were a few people that thought it was just hilarious to offer me a cigarette and blow smoke in my direction...I dont think that they are bad or stupid for doing that, just ill informed and not supportive.

I think a little bit of practise helps, prepare for the question....
I don't think he meant any real harm to you and probably thought he was somehow breaking the ice with a dig at the irish..but its so easy to get caught of guard with these statements because we can feel so fragile and sensitive around the topic..
It gets easier.

I say I have colitis and an ulcerated stomach lining. They back right down.

I agree with what Dee is saying, I spent the first three or four months sober worrying greatly about how I was going to explain myself and whether people would think its weird that I don't drink. People usually don't care.

This is true. In the beginning of sobriety, we often come up with a list of excuses and put them in our back pockets before every social event. I have rehearsed several stories myself, each one more elaborate than the last...only to find out I don't need them.

Sure I've been pushed. A few strangers on holiday at the beach goaded me once. That's once. In 1.5 years, I'd say that's a pretty good stretch. Today I say "no thanks", and that's the end of it. If anything, it's earned me more approving glances than sideways glances these days. You will find that out as well, as you get more comfortable with your new lifestyle.

I just tell people that i've spent over two decades constantly and then uncontrollably drinking. When they give a shocked look, my usual line is that i've done enough damage to myself that i don't have to worry about retirement years as i'm not going to live to old age.

Happens to everybody. Tell 'em whatever you want. I just say no thanks, not drinking tonight, i'm not a drinker, i don't drink. Occasionally I joke about it. Every once in a while if somebody I give a crap about asks, I explain that I liked it a bit too much so I leave it alone. Most times you'll find that the only people who will find it significant have their own problem...

I can understand how that is a hard situation if you don't want to offer any personal information. Just like you did, tell them you just don't like it. Depending on the people though I will just tell them something like I used up all my free passes already. It usually gets a laugh and they shut up. Only of course if you are comfortable with saying such a thing. I don't find my affliction something to be ashamed of, I am one of many people and have one affliction of many people. I don't let it faze me and it doesn't faze them.

Like Dee, I also spent months constructing these very elaborate explanations for why I wasn't drinking. And, like most elaborate explanations, it was totally unnecessary because normal drinkers and non-drinkers actually do not obsess about alcohol at all.

Amazing, eh?

On a recent business trip I ended up at a party where there was a ton of drinking going on. I normally do not put myself in these situations but this one sort of couldn't be avoided. So I put in a brief appearance and when I was offered a drink I simply said, "I don't drink."

And, dammit, did that ever feel good. And right. Because it is the truth. I don't drink.

Period.

Best part? No one blinked and I do not have to remember any elaborate stories the next time I see them. I just don't drink. I am a non-drinker.

Imagine that...

Earlier in sobriety, with closer acquaintances, sometimes I've said "No thanks. I'm good with club soda these days", or "no, those days are behind me, I'll stick with water". It doesn't out you as an alcoholic, but it also demonstrates that you've made a decision based on experience. It closes the topic of conversation, and I like that.

The phrase "I don't drink", makes us uneasy. It's too vague for some folks, especially younger ones. We also feel odd saying it, early on. Not sure why. Maybe it's sort of like the phrase "I don't have sex". Hmmmm....what does that mean? You've NEVER had sex? Or you just don't have sex NOW?

Of course, it doesn't matter what other people think. You don't owe them an explanation, and as others have said it's really not a big deal to most folks and it's all in our heads. BUT, for those of you who are early in and chewing on ideas, that one has worked for me. Obviously just my experience.

Does anyone just say "Iam a drunk and in recovery"? Why all the excuses? I cannot tell you how many people have opened up to me about their concern about their own drinking--all because I just tell it like it is. I think it actually can help others on the fence of sobriety.

But----------------that is just me--"Bull in a china Shop"

TrixMixer

This happened to my husband and I while on our honeymoon. We had both been sober about two years, and we went on a day tour. At the end of the day, the whole group sat down for tequila shots. We thanked them for the offer and started to leave (it was late anyway, we weren't leaving just because they were drinking). Then one of the guys asked us very loudly why we didn't want any, because hey, it's Mexico and we're on vacation, right? We just said we don't drink. He asked us why not. Then his wife hit him! It was pretty funny. I'm always surprised when people ask why. It seems like such a personal question, and one that I never would have asked, even before I started drinking. But I usually just blow it off. "I don't enjoy it" seems to be an honest enough answer for me, since my drinking was more like abuse than enjoyment.

Ya know I feel if someone has to ask why you don't drink, then they deserve the brutal truth and everyone else looking at them and thinking what a jerk they are.