ru12

Look, some women do try to trap rich men by getting pregnant. Not all women are honest. And I have no idea what kind of woman your 26 year old bartender is. You made a bad decision having unprotected sex with her. And you are going to continue to make terrible choices if you keep drinking.

To me it seems a few good steps would be to stop drinking and see a family law lawyer. I certainly would want partial legal custody of my kids. Just think of the amazing things you can do with those twins!

whiskeyman

If you will do what i can. sign up for rehab and be a man. and a father.

inabadway

I just read this one again. I am sorry if my snap reply was hurtful.

that noted, I absolutely cannot accept this. That a woman can make a GREAT living just for sleeping with some guy is insanity. You guys have way more o's than us anyway.

I fully grasp the amount it costs to raise a child. Its not even close to the child support amount, just a fraction. The rest goes to... what? Why can't I just pay for each expense? I'll pay for private school, I'll pay for everything, but thats not what my money will go to. It will go to whatever she wants to spend it on! Guessing thats probably not going to be the best allocation of funds.

Gilmer

Could you perhaps develop a friendship, a respectful working relationship with her? Then maybe your mind would be eased if you see she's not a stereotypical wastrel--or perhaps you might have some friendly input eventually about how the money is being spent. Keep your mind on the pragmatic and not on the ideological injustice.

inabadway

you are saying you and i both have new kids on the way?

man, truly, I would be honored to join you in sobriety for this.

Gilmer

If you develop a friendly affection toward her, you might not mind so much sharing your money with her.

Carlotta

What Gilmer says. You basically do no know the woman (ok so you slept with her, big deal) and you sound like you do not respect her. You are scared and upset, and we understand but the bottom line is that you two are bringing two new lives into the world and maybe it s time to put down the hatchet, communicate and make the twins well being your priorities.
Do not use your money and child support as a weapon (that goes both ways) because ultimately the ones paying will be the children,
I do not think she is the great ***** of Babylon, neither do I think she is Mother Theresa. She is a human being just like you. There is even a chance that she might have been a little intoxicated when you got together and was not thinking any more clearly than you were.
Right now, your priority is to focus on detoxing but I would strongly suggest that you work through this resentment and move on. Resentments and anger (whether justified or not) can lead to drinking.

Anyway, it's good to see you on day two and posting at the 24 hours club. Stay hydrated, don't drink and sign back up for another 24 hours tomorrow. It will get better.

SoberLife2014

I see your point and I also apologize if my initial comment came off as harsh. I was simply trying to tell you that having babies isn't easy. But I'm not here to take your inventory or debate the judicial system with you. This forum is about alcoholism and I want to share a little of my experience with you. What I know from my experience is that I had to be willing to do whatever it took to remain sober. For me, that meant swallowing my pride, sitting down, and LISTENING. I had to finally decide that I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Not because my husband wanted me to stop, not because society wanted me to stop. I was just tired of being a slave to alcohol. I was tired of waking up jittery. I was tired of the anxiety and the shame. For me, I found freedom through AA. I thought it was pretty hokey when I first went there. I still think some of it is a little hokey. But I sat down and decided to give it a try because what I was doing wasn't working. I was a nurse and I thought I could figure it out because I was the one treating patients with liver failure. I was the one treating patients in the ER with DTs. I was full of pride. I didn't even want to admit to my family that I had a problem, but they knew anyway. I realized that not only did I have to stop drinking, I actually had to RECOVER from alcoholism. And by recover that means making a change inside of me. I had a lot to clean up from my past. I hurt a lot of people, mostly myself. It takes work, and it isn't easy, but I take it one thing at a time. One day at a time. I only have 6 months sober, but I feel better than I have in a long time and the memories from the past 6 months are good. They're peaceful. They're not full of turmoil. I found that the people in AA are just like me. They understand exactly why I've done some of the **** I've done, and many of them have done a lot worse things than I have. I ask you to just give it a try. It sounds like you have a lot of time on your hands. I ask that you just take an hour, go to a meeting, and just listen. That's all you have to do. If you want to have a drink after then go have a drink. Rehab might be a good option for you too. There are lots of options for help. You just have to be willing to try. Take care of yourself and the rest will fall into place.

SoberLife2014

You seem to have a lot of guilt. I do too. But I don't think it just goes away. I think you have to work at it, and I think it takes a while. If you're like me you've been doing ****** things for the past several years. It might take a while to work through all that, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes I just have to realize what I can and cannot change. Sometimes I just have to live in the now and not yesterday or tomorrow.

inabadway

that is a pretty unique thought. the ideological aspect.

and man I suppose I'll have to eventually accept that I'm not in charge. Thats part of it too you know. And btw in the other thread you chose 3 bible passages I'd forgotten, and they were great, great selections. I read that book 10 times, beacause I couldn't stand the sermons at church. I used to know it by heart.

inabadway

Man. one year ago I could have guaranteed that if I walked into a business function in my town, I'd have been a celeb.

I ruined that. That doesn't really matter, I guess. I'm still by far great at biz.

How did your family find out? you said they know, someone else, grunge, said that too. How do they find out?

Man i hope my boys don't know. I would just die.

NoJimmy

Sounds like more victim and control speak to me... How about this thought; if all men took responsibility to fairly support the children they created, we wouldn't need such laws. I wouldn't make any bets on which there are more of, deadbeat Dad's or opportunistic women.
You would do well to focus on things you can effect, like your sobriety, and the lives you've created. Nothings gonna change about the consequences of unprotected sex or who gets more O's.

BackToSquareOne

I don't think there's a wealthy man or woman alive that is not well aware of the fact that the opposite sex might go after them for their money. You put out the bait and she took you up on your offer. How is that wrong, don't business people go for the money all the time?

inabadway

I was never prepared for my station in life. all the people begging, pecking. you are all right, I just have to deal.

inabadway

oh its me. all me. I did it. I must now live through the consequences

SoberLife2014

Frankly, my husband caught me redhanded and then gave me the choice of either calling my parents myself or he calling them for me. But it didn't matter. It isn't hard to tell. Crap like forgetting conversations you had the night before, having a high tolerance, etc. Usually people close to you can figure it out.

I thought my husband would leave me for sure. He's a wonderful man and he could have any woman he wants. But he didn't leave. You'd be surprised how forgiving and understanding people can be. You can't control an alcohol addiction. I hope you understand that someday. Your sons may or may not know. If you don't want them to know no one is going to force you to tell them. But if they don't know then they'll probably figure it out someday. Have you ever heard the term "alcoholism is a progressive disease"?

SoberLife2014

No more whining. Time to go get some help! You can do it!