alphaomega

There was a time a few years ago that 2 bottles of chard would leave me vomiting the next day. By the end, there was no vomiting. Hangovers had turned into withdrawals. Not sure which was worse really. ****{shudder}}}

And I was beginning to entertain opening a third bottle. Over the course of 4 hours.

jdooner

It will get worse and you will drink more unless you do something about it. I was the same way. The answer lies not in the bottom of the glass but the question as to what you are running from. My guess is you know all this too.

The numbness is a temporary relief from the bigger issues. This is the challenge and problem with sobriety and difficulty of recovery in my opinion. For most this is the unmanageable part of alcoholism - not when your drinking, as most HBA manage quite well. When you remove your coping mechanism you will either need a new one (drugs, sex, shopping, eating, exercise, SR Forum, meetings) to deal with temporarily until you can figure all this out.

At the end I would skip dinner and lunch bc I was worried about the calories I was consuming with my drinks. I remember making myself throw up food, so I could consume more vodka. On the binges, I would down a 1.5L bottle of vodka and this was done with the use of drugs that would keep me up so I would not pass out. This was in the 5% red zone though. The other 95% was daily drinking - perhaps too much but not out of control. That said, I was unable to stop myself even though I wanted not to pick up the drink. Then it changed one day.

In terms of how fast, the rate of consumption had a big impact on if I would black out. On a steady pace during a day I could drink a couple liters of vodka but give me 3 vodka martinis and I was heading to black or gray out territory.

breath

Here's my story on how much and how fast:

I drank SO MUCH my life fell apart, I couldn't decide if I wanted to live or die.

I drank FAST ENOUGH the pain and my crushing thoughts could not keep up with the alcohol.

Finally, when I drank, no matter how much or how fast, I didn't get drunk, my life was a wreck. I stopped, I got well, I got my life back on track. Sober Recovery has been a big part of my recovery.

So the speed and quantity sharing is just a way to reinforce the fact that I'm sick, I have a disease, I'm an alcoholic.

I'm grateful for SR and all the fellowship and support it gives me. One Day At A Time.