BackToSquareOne

I often think that the people that crash and burn and get help at a much younger age are probably way better off in the long run. The qroup that stretches it out until they are older can have a much different set of issues to face. Do you see the problems as way different for the very young verses the older croud or am I all wet on this one? My thinking is that starting over is a completely different thing the older one gets. Any thoughts?

Dee74

I don't think it's easily quantifiable.

I'm one of the ones who found myself incapable of getting sober young - I had to beat myself into the ground before I listened, wised up and employed some wisdom.

I've no idea whether it was easier/harder for me to get sober than someone else or if I was less better off....I know it was the effort of my life.

Whats your frame of reference for 'better off'?
D

BackToSquareOne

Oh, my frame of reference is that the older one gets the whole starting over thing just seems to wear itself out. I still every now and then find my thoughts drifting to how much different my life could have been if I quit in my 20's as opposed to 50+. I burnt so many bridges, lost so many opportunities, screwed so many things up because of my drinking, that list would be endless. I doubt you can ever not think of those things to one degree or another.

Dee74

Only in the sense of what I've done in the last seven years I wonder what I might have accomplished earlier...

I wouldn't change my journey tho - I don't really deal in what ifs to be honest

everything I've been through bought me here.
I like my life

D

NoelleR

"...I doubt you can ever not think of those things to one degree or another..."

I dunno, I'm probly more sociopathic/psychopathic than some; I don't believe in looking back, especially on what might have been. So, no, haven't/don't/won't think on those things, to any degree. Most of my friends (myself included) got sober in our 40's. I'm also not sure about the reference to the whole starting over thing. (exactly what is that?) I got sober; I didn't start over at anything.....

(o:
NoelleR

BackToSquareOne

Maybe a better way to put it is that the older you get your options in life are a lot more limited. To suggest that a 50 year old has the same options available as a 20 year old is not being realistic.

Skye2

But...a 50 year old won't have the same peer pressure to 'party'

CactusJill

Well, I started in recovery in 2004 when I was 28. It did me a whole world of good. I learned about codependency, for one, and managed to break some very toxic habits and to set boundaries with toxic people. I even managed to be sober for long stretches, twice for over a year and once for 3 1/2 years. It didn't stick because I wasn't ready, I think.

Now I am 37 and it is definitely harder to drink. It is harder to get going in the morning and my behavior is definitely worse. I am the angry/violent kind of drunk, unfortunately, and it is getting worse with a bullet. I see the bottom coming at me and I have never been so afraid in my life.

On the other hand, my husband is 36 and he has a much harder time quitting for even a few days. He kicked a cocaine addiction six years ago and traded it for weed and booze. He works as a restaurant manager and that is one industry where everyone seems to party hard well into their 50s and beyond, if they stick around. So he always wants to go to the bar next door after work because that is literally all his "friends" do. He talks about quitting every time drinking causes a major problem or when he wakes up feeling especially awful, but he never has yet.

So, long story short, I think everyone's journey is different and much of it depends on your circumstances. However, there must be something true to what you are saying because you don't see (or I haven't seen, anyway) many 20-somethings in the rooms who weren't court-ordered to go.

PhaseTwo

I'm 23 and it's not a walk in the park believe me. I don't know if it's easier or harder but I too have had to massively change my lifestyle. All my relationships with girls and my friends were based around the bar or house party scene.

MattyBoy

I'm 20 and although in the last year I've only drank around 5 weeks out of it interspersed with long periods of abstinence, I consider my alcoholism to be fairly advanced due to the quantities I binge on when I do drink. I find my age to be both a help and a hindrance on recovery. On the one hand I realise if I nail this problem in the head and keep on course then the possibilities for my life are endless. On the other hand, the social pressure to succumb, the feeling of missing out 'partying' and the overhanging sense of doubt that I'll be able to go the rest of my life (which could be another 60 years) without a drink when it's coloured my thinking so greatly in the last two years and impacted my life .

I suppose though if I am to have any shot at a happy life I'm gonna have to remai alcohol free. But it's always there if I ever feel like self destructing... A Strangely comforting thought...

BoxinRotz

My husband is an alcoholic. He's 55. He's been a drinker since his teens. He sobered up in his early 30's for 20 years. He relapsed right before I met him in 2009. He's newly sober after a motorcycle accident over the summer.

He makes more money now than he ever did. I'm talking good money for our area. I hope for his sake this is it for him. He knows if he continues, he could lose everything. He almost lost it all. I would say him going back proved to him that drinking is not an option. He told his Dr when he relapsed after 20 years sober, there was no easing into it. He was being honest. He picked up and it took him for the ride of his life.

I think for those who do have a great deal of time under their belt like he did and relapsing in their 40's, 50's n 60's is much more dangerous and harder to recover from. Hearing him say it's in his soul n he doesn't feel like he can beat it is down right scary, especially since he survived what he did on the bike. I seriously was preparing myself to be a widow. He's to the point that if he does relapse again, it will kill him and he knows it as do I.

jade2112

I'm lucky in that I don't think of what might have been. There is also only one thing that I've done that I regret.

I don't live in the past. It's gone and nothing can change it. I much prefer to think of the present and future.

trent333

I'm 23 now too. It's not easy being young like people are saying because yes we have the longest potential time to live without drinking. We have weddings to attend etc and it's still somewhat acceptable for young men to over indulge at times. That being said it's the perfect time to get well. I've just had a major relapse and will make another thread about it because you all may benefit from it.

Dee74

Ok, I didn't really understand where you were coming from because I was self employed when I was drinking and after.

The limited options for older people isn't limited to alcoholics tho - people get retrenched, businesses fail, housewives and -husbands try to reenter the workforce after the kids move out...

It's a fact that very few 50 year olds and over are wanted in the workforce. There's grounds to suggest this might be an ageism problem as much as an alcoholic one.

and while, sure, older alcoholic may have those pressures,as several people have said, young people face pressures too - in most cases, completely different kinds of pressures.

I still don't see how you could quantify them against each other?

D

BackToSquareOne

The thing is tho, a functional alcoholic can roller skate their way through life guite well. They may have only been operating at 60 percent of their true potential. The real damage may be more in the form of what could have been had they of quit at a much younger age.

I understand you can't quantify an intangible, that goes without saying. The earlier in life one gets rid of the drinking and drug issues the better chance they have to live up to their true pontential. It's a great thing to clean up your act at any age but time keeps marching on and it doesn't care if you come along for the ride or not.

TopFlight

Not to underestimate quitting drinking at any age, but quitting in your 20s is a bitch. The social pressures alone make it very difficult. Every social situation is surrounded by alcohol and no one my age seems to be able to wrap their mind around that I don't drink at all. Hanging out with friends, dating, vacations, everything is just effected; whether its perceived a bad or good thing, it's just effected. It honestly feels as if I'm starting at square one again. The hard thing is I don't want to give up certain parts of my life (particularly friends), but it just seems to go with the territory when you quit drinking.

As far as age, one big concern I have is if I quit for a long period of time and relapse later in life I'll be worse than when I left off. Like I have this suppressed "drinking energy" that I am afraid to release.

Though on the bright side, if I can maintain my sobriety, I feel can achieve a lot as person. A lot of the negative aspects I've faced with my job and schooling in the past, particularly college had to do with alcohol. Everything just seemed to be placed on the back burner when it was time to go out and get drunk. If I can keep that removed from the equation, I can use that energy without distraction to actively pursue my goals at what I feel is my optimum level (sober).

Just my 2 cents. Sorry for the ramble, it's been a stressful day.

oak

It does sound like there are different problems that younger people face compared to older people.

I am so glad that I initially quit at 18 years old (and only drank a few times from age 19 to 23) and then was sober for 16 years.

In 2010 to 2012 I relapsed several times, but each relapse was fairly short. I think that having so many years sober helped me know that I preferred sobriety (even though I had intense cravings). And I did not have to deal with wreckage from years of drinking. It helped immensely that my current life was not compatible with drinking. However- I do wonder if initially quitting at such a young age lead me to wonder if I really had a problem.

But even sober, there were other things (like childhood trauma) that kept me from living up to my potential (so to speak).

EndGameNYC

They used to say in AA, "You can look back, but don't stare." On those rare days in which I start ruminating about my past, I quickly turn my thinking in another direction. It just doesn't help to make such comparisons about my younger self and my old self, and between my drunk self and my sober self. Though I agree this is a natural part of being human.

I was very young when I first got sober, and enjoyed many accomplishments, acquired many skills, was active in a good range of interests, and built a great life for much of the twenty five years I was sober.

With that, when I stopped going to AA, stopped taking care of myself, and later minimized all the hard work I had put into my recovery, I was on my way to building my eventual relapse. It took about ten years when I finally picked up the drink again after first destroying my much better sober attitude, and when I did pick it up, I experienced no cravings or emotional longings for booze. I thought I was doing well, and just figured I'd be better able to handle drinking what with all the knowledge I'd acquired about alcoholism. Thus began my three-year relapse, during which I once again lost everything.

Today, after twenty seven months of sobriety, I'm living the second chapter of my life, one that's filled with enthusiasm, curiosity, good will, and a peace of mind I haven't known for years. It's a new adventure that -- just as was true of all my accomplishments in chapter one -- came only by my commitment to sobriety.

GracieLou

I feel this is addressed. "We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it". At 45 my past defined me or I thought it did. I wrapped the past, the present and the bleak future into a package and slapped it on my ass before and after I was sober.

I have re-visited it. I have written it down, discussed it, made my amends and let it go.

There is nothing in my past, that done over, would change the person or position I am in today. For one, I would still be an alcoholic. So looking back over the bridges does me no good. I don't wonder back there and look around anymore.

As for the younger vs older crowd. I am sure if we made a running list of the struggles, although different, would equal out to about the same. The way I see it the one thing the younger crowd has that I don't, is time. They have more time to experience the joy of a sober life but I am not jealous of that fact.

I am happy and content with my life today and that is truly a blessing. I am not saying at some point I may want more, but for today, I am happy.

DoPerdition

I am 27. I think the peer pressure of drinking culture makes it hard to quit but that my body is not nearly as destroyed as someone in their 50's might be with 30+ years of drinking under their belt.

Also someone in their 20's doesn't have the reputation of a drunk the way an older person might. In these ways it makes past alcohol life a little easier maybe.