What happens when you blackout?
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Blackouts...... I actually got used to them, I would get home at about 2 in the afternoon and almost always fixed dinner for the family...... 90% of the time I could not remember what I ate for dinner the night before and I had fixed it! What was odd was I really did not care if I remembered or not, but then again I was rarely a violent or angry drunk unless my family started to get in my case for being drunk, then I would get angry, thank God I was not violent!
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 110
From the perspective of an RAH wife, this is a great topic. He has done somethings in his past when he was on a black out drunk that he SWEARS he does not remember. Myself not touching alcohol have a problem understanding this concept. I have read the Big Book, I have watched him go through them.
HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER?
HOW CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER?
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Cem, it's hard to explain. Blackouts can be as simple as not remembering how you got home, to the unmentionable.
All I can do is tell you that they are for real and it's not a copout that a drunk will use to excuse his/her behavior. (not that I know anyone who's done that)
Here's a link that might add some medical insight to the subject.
Alcohol-induced blackouts
All I can do is tell you that they are for real and it's not a copout that a drunk will use to excuse his/her behavior. (not that I know anyone who's done that)
Here's a link that might add some medical insight to the subject.
Alcohol-induced blackouts
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
CEM I wish black outs were a figment of my imagination, I have had some darn good times that I can not recall accordiing to friends, I have also had some bad ones that I do not recall.
My worst one started at a party near DC, I woke up the next day about 60 miles outside of DC in a house out in the country, no one was there, I had no idea where I was, how I got there (but my car was outside and my keys were in my pocket) who came with me, if anyone. I still to this day have no idea how I got there or what happened.
My worst one started at a party near DC, I woke up the next day about 60 miles outside of DC in a house out in the country, no one was there, I had no idea where I was, how I got there (but my car was outside and my keys were in my pocket) who came with me, if anyone. I still to this day have no idea how I got there or what happened.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: The Swish Alps, SF CA
Posts: 2,144
I don't remember my black outs
sometimes I would have like...photos...from my blackout, say of me driving or something, little one second video clips
sometimes there would be no sense of passage of time, one moment I'm in the bar, then the very next second I'd be "coming to" or "waking up" miles away. sometimes a day later.
a LOT of scary stuff, but the most terrifying was the night after a blackout, my girlfriend snuggling me, and saying "that was incredible, I have NEVER had anyone make love to me like that, EVER"
I still wake up in a cold sweat 20 years later, wondering, "who the hell was 'driving', cause it sure wasn't me!!!" :atv
sometimes I would have like...photos...from my blackout, say of me driving or something, little one second video clips
sometimes there would be no sense of passage of time, one moment I'm in the bar, then the very next second I'd be "coming to" or "waking up" miles away. sometimes a day later.
a LOT of scary stuff, but the most terrifying was the night after a blackout, my girlfriend snuggling me, and saying "that was incredible, I have NEVER had anyone make love to me like that, EVER"
I still wake up in a cold sweat 20 years later, wondering, "who the hell was 'driving', cause it sure wasn't me!!!" :atv
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 600
Hi Brad,
For me, i would say the truth came out when i drank. I used to bottle everything up inside, when i was drunk, it all came out. If i had a problem with someone, especially my girlfriend, it would all come out and not in a very nice way. Most of the time i couldn't remember what i said, or had to be reminded the next day, it wasn't a nice thing to be told, but i what i was told was my true feelings.
My girlfriend always used to say that i spoke the truth when i was drunk and she was correct. She always knew that if i had any issues with the relationship, it would all come out when i was drunk.
The problem was that it didn't come out in the right way.
I am 5 months sober now, i have lost her. But that's ok, i have accepted that, but i do wonder how things would have worked had i sobered up a few years ago, although i know i shouldn't live in the past and what could have been, sometimes i do.
Paul
For me, i would say the truth came out when i drank. I used to bottle everything up inside, when i was drunk, it all came out. If i had a problem with someone, especially my girlfriend, it would all come out and not in a very nice way. Most of the time i couldn't remember what i said, or had to be reminded the next day, it wasn't a nice thing to be told, but i what i was told was my true feelings.
My girlfriend always used to say that i spoke the truth when i was drunk and she was correct. She always knew that if i had any issues with the relationship, it would all come out when i was drunk.
The problem was that it didn't come out in the right way.
I am 5 months sober now, i have lost her. But that's ok, i have accepted that, but i do wonder how things would have worked had i sobered up a few years ago, although i know i shouldn't live in the past and what could have been, sometimes i do.
Paul
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: witness protection program
Posts: 378
When in blackouts I have
-smashed things
-done $100K in vandalism to a new car dealership (this was my first blackout, at age 15)
-hit a parked car while asleep at the wheel
-fallen face first onto the sidewalk
-gotten arrested
-puked in various places
-ruined relationships
probably a whole lot more too.
-smashed things
-done $100K in vandalism to a new car dealership (this was my first blackout, at age 15)
-hit a parked car while asleep at the wheel
-fallen face first onto the sidewalk
-gotten arrested
-puked in various places
-ruined relationships
probably a whole lot more too.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 632
Blackouts are very real. They happened to me many times. Apparently nothing of any real consequence occurred, other than it added to my list of reasons for why I should not drink.
No recollection of what happened; now that is a worry,
Ed
No recollection of what happened; now that is a worry,
Ed
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 25
nothing good can happen once you hit that point in the night where you stop making concious thoughts. i can tell the next morning when i blacked out because usually my last memory usually involves me just sitting there, just looking at something, not thinking about anything. my drunkeness has been taken advantage of by multiple women multiple times: i was a chicks tool to make another guy jealous (i still dont know if this was true or not) and another time my ex's best friend maniplulated me when i was drunk because she wanted me after me and my ex broke up...
and im sure there have been other times, just nobody has told me.
dont let it happen to you.
and im sure there have been other times, just nobody has told me.
dont let it happen to you.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 110
"...a person may drive a car and carry on a conversation in a nearly 'normal' fashion" (p. 161).
Although I have witnessed them, not being a person who drinks they are a hard concept to understand. Trust me when I say I believe everything you are telling me and the information is greatly appreciated.
It's so hurtful when you see a loved one treat you with the disrespect. But that's alcoholism for you. It has no respect.
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1
This is my very first post on this forum, but the topic struck a chord with me. My girlfriend (whom I have known for 20 years prior to our relationship starting) would always bring up the most vile conversations when she was drunk.
In the beginning I took offense too it. After it continued I just blew it off. One night she started in on me and I started to take notes. I needed the notes for our morning debriefing, which always came the morning after, with her telling me how sorry she was.
She often told me that I was gay and needed to own up. She accused me of stealing things that she lost herself. She told me that I was meaner than her ex-husband. She said some pretty awful things. I learned to let it roll off of my sleeve and that the person with this vile attitude was not the girl I fell in love with. I actually gave her a name when she was that way and treated it as a second personality.
You should have seen some of the dishes she came up with when she was in her alter ego; can anyone say "Cheetos and Eggs"?
I can say that though our first year of dating, was very hard, she has since sought treatment. I took her to the detox center and then afterward took her to her rehab program. She has been sober for over 60 days!
Even though I miss her terribly, it is something that she has to do for herself. I attend church with her every Sunday, with the other folks in the program, and send her at least one letter a week.
She is first and foremost my friend and hopefully one day it can be more again. I am very proud of her and know the person that used to spew the insults has been put away, hopefully for good.
P.S. I am a non-drinker.
In the beginning I took offense too it. After it continued I just blew it off. One night she started in on me and I started to take notes. I needed the notes for our morning debriefing, which always came the morning after, with her telling me how sorry she was.
She often told me that I was gay and needed to own up. She accused me of stealing things that she lost herself. She told me that I was meaner than her ex-husband. She said some pretty awful things. I learned to let it roll off of my sleeve and that the person with this vile attitude was not the girl I fell in love with. I actually gave her a name when she was that way and treated it as a second personality.
You should have seen some of the dishes she came up with when she was in her alter ego; can anyone say "Cheetos and Eggs"?
I can say that though our first year of dating, was very hard, she has since sought treatment. I took her to the detox center and then afterward took her to her rehab program. She has been sober for over 60 days!
Even though I miss her terribly, it is something that she has to do for herself. I attend church with her every Sunday, with the other folks in the program, and send her at least one letter a week.
She is first and foremost my friend and hopefully one day it can be more again. I am very proud of her and know the person that used to spew the insults has been put away, hopefully for good.
P.S. I am a non-drinker.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
mrphillipctrs.....
welcome to SR
I'm glad your lady is getting better.
You might want to check our Forum
Friends & Fmily of Alcoholics
for information and support.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
By best to both of you....
welcome to SR
I'm glad your lady is getting better.
You might want to check our Forum
Friends & Fmily of Alcoholics
for information and support.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ly-alcoholics/
By best to both of you....
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 21
Originally Posted by fivefingercrawl 
I am in the process of getting sober (aren't we all). I have quit off and on for several years. I had two weeks recently and relapsed. It is what happened when I relapsed that I need help in understanding. I got drunk. Drunk to the point where I remember very little of what happened the next day. For those of you that know what I mean, I blacked out. I was on 'autopilot'. I crossed the line when alcohol alters the concious mind to the unconcious. I don't understand alcoholism and the human mind enough to know what takes over when you cross that line. But I know that I have crossed it one to many times.
What happened when I crossed that line recently is that I said some things to my girlfriend, the woman I love more than anyone else I've ever met. I said things that were deliberately mean and cruel. Things that I could NEVER say in my 'normal', sober state of mind. Obviously as an alcoholic this is not the first time I have been in this state. Where I have done things that I didn't mean and that ashamed and embarassed me. But because my relationship with my girlfriend is at stake, and she has been damaged beyond what I could ever have imagined; I must ask this question.
I ask of you, to be blatantly honest when you respond to this post; this question. When you drink to the point when you blackout. When you can't remember a conversation that happened the night before. Are the things you say what you deep down really mean? Is it your subconcious coming out of It's shell? It's commonly known that alcohol lowers your inhibitions. And often people say or do things that they normally would not do if not intoxicated. I have tried to tell my girlfriend that what came out of me that night was not 'me'. What is the force that takes over at that time I do not know. I hope that it is not the real 'me' that could do those things, and I live in shadow of what I have done.
But I do not want to rely on excuses to explain what I did. I truly want to know what takes over when you are in that state. Is it what you really want to say? Is it your true feelings and emotions coming out? My girlfriend is convinced that that is the case. I have been trying to explain to her that it is not the real 'me' that would do those things. So what I want to know is honestly what do you think?
I want to know from people that have had or are having the same problems or experiences that I am. If what I said was what I truly wanted to say and couldn't say while sober I want to know. But if what I said was not about hurting her but me crying out in pain then I want her to know that as well. Regardless of the answer I hurt her, the woman I love. But what does depend on the answer is whether I MEANT to hurt her. Or that what I did was a desperate outburst. One that I will regret for the rest of my life. I need to know and I want the honest truth from everone here on this board.
Brad
What happened when I crossed that line recently is that I said some things to my girlfriend, the woman I love more than anyone else I've ever met. I said things that were deliberately mean and cruel. Things that I could NEVER say in my 'normal', sober state of mind. Obviously as an alcoholic this is not the first time I have been in this state. Where I have done things that I didn't mean and that ashamed and embarassed me. But because my relationship with my girlfriend is at stake, and she has been damaged beyond what I could ever have imagined; I must ask this question.
I ask of you, to be blatantly honest when you respond to this post; this question. When you drink to the point when you blackout. When you can't remember a conversation that happened the night before. Are the things you say what you deep down really mean? Is it your subconcious coming out of It's shell? It's commonly known that alcohol lowers your inhibitions. And often people say or do things that they normally would not do if not intoxicated. I have tried to tell my girlfriend that what came out of me that night was not 'me'. What is the force that takes over at that time I do not know. I hope that it is not the real 'me' that could do those things, and I live in shadow of what I have done.
But I do not want to rely on excuses to explain what I did. I truly want to know what takes over when you are in that state. Is it what you really want to say? Is it your true feelings and emotions coming out? My girlfriend is convinced that that is the case. I have been trying to explain to her that it is not the real 'me' that would do those things. So what I want to know is honestly what do you think?
I want to know from people that have had or are having the same problems or experiences that I am. If what I said was what I truly wanted to say and couldn't say while sober I want to know. But if what I said was not about hurting her but me crying out in pain then I want her to know that as well. Regardless of the answer I hurt her, the woman I love. But what does depend on the answer is whether I MEANT to hurt her. Or that what I did was a desperate outburst. One that I will regret for the rest of my life. I need to know and I want the honest truth from everone here on this board.
Brad
i have done the same thing and when i examined myself and why i said these things when i was out of my head drunk i had to admit to myself that sometimes i meant the things i said..they were in my subconcious . Other times i came to the conclusion that the things i said i didnt mean but i said them for attention and because of my own insecurities.
i don't think it's as black and white whether or not you meant the things you said. The alcohol can push you to such irrationality that at the time you are saying them you may think it's a perfectly normal thing to say.
i found that if i said "thats not me" it made it easier for me to just brush off the incident as not part of who i am. But the people that see you in that state to them that's part of who you are. Whether we like it or not we are who people say we are as far as our social identity. We don't get to cherry pick our good moments and then say to people that this is who we are. We are our collective behaviors and the extreme behavior tends to have more stickiness than any other behavior.
i think the first step is to admit that these episodes were you and that they were you and alcohol together and that you and alcohol don't mix. Once you can admit that and start to live it i think you'll find some of the people you may have hurt will start to accept who you are trying to be.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 2,216
i think the first step is to admit that these episodes were you and that they were you and alcohol together and that you and alcohol don't mix. Once you can admit that and start to live it i think you'll find some of the people you may have hurt will start to accept who you are trying to be.
Well put !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well put !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Colorado Prairie
Posts: 1,417
Well, I wonder where fivefingercrawl is today? This post is 5 years old and he hasn't been back since the day he posted. How are things between him and the girl he loved more than anything else in the world?
There's possibility we could learn something here if we're not careful.
There's possibility we could learn something here if we're not careful.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 57
I don't believe that the things you say when you are blacking out necessarily represent your true subconscious thoughts or your true inner feelings. When you drink enough alcohol to black out, your brain is not functioning correctly. I think this warps both your conscious and subconscious state of mind. In other words, I don't think an alcoholic blackout is the gateway to your true subconscious. Alcohol used to make me feel really depressed by the end of the night, and depressed in general. I didn't even know what I was depressed about sometimes--the smallest thing would get me really depressed when I was drinking.
The only way I know how to figure out what your true deep down feelings are is to go to a psychotherapist in a SOBER state and let them do their thing. A good therapist can get you to find out what is really going on inside.
The only way I know how to figure out what your true deep down feelings are is to go to a psychotherapist in a SOBER state and let them do their thing. A good therapist can get you to find out what is really going on inside.
Sunny Side Up
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Sth Australia
Posts: 3,802
A story of a blackout-
A call from my sister at one oclock in the morning. "she picked my son & his girlfriend up on the side of the road and they took her purse" (my son doesnt have a girlfriend and he drives and was at a birthday party with us)
Another call from her -
"if you dont sort this out, Im calling the police." and all the filthy language that went with it.
The next morning-
Her ex calls and tells me she arrived at his place 12pm that night drunk and hardly standing driving her car, screaming etc at him in front of her kids. He called the police!
I call her-
Ok lets talk about your purse? "Guess what, she found it in her car"
No apologizes, just a "Ive learned my lesson by picking up 2 strangers on the side of the road"
A couple of days later she calls again -
"Im sorry, it was just a dream, none of this actually happened"
A Blackout you think!!
Yesterday she calls me -
"Did you come and take my car keys from me?" "I cant find them anywhere"
I said -
Maybe its just a dream. Do you think she had any idea what I was talking about (Ughhh)
A call from my sister at one oclock in the morning. "she picked my son & his girlfriend up on the side of the road and they took her purse" (my son doesnt have a girlfriend and he drives and was at a birthday party with us)
Another call from her -
"if you dont sort this out, Im calling the police." and all the filthy language that went with it.
The next morning-
Her ex calls and tells me she arrived at his place 12pm that night drunk and hardly standing driving her car, screaming etc at him in front of her kids. He called the police!
I call her-
Ok lets talk about your purse? "Guess what, she found it in her car"
No apologizes, just a "Ive learned my lesson by picking up 2 strangers on the side of the road"
A couple of days later she calls again -
"Im sorry, it was just a dream, none of this actually happened"
A Blackout you think!!
Yesterday she calls me -
"Did you come and take my car keys from me?" "I cant find them anywhere"
I said -
Maybe its just a dream. Do you think she had any idea what I was talking about (Ughhh)
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