DoPerdition

Does anyone else feel almost guilty about finding a path to sobriety? My head knows that this is a private journey for everyone, but my heart wants to "save" my loved ones. I am on LC with family. I am also a ACoA so the wanting to save people thing seems to come with the territory. I know I can only be here for support if they choose to get help. But it is SO much more painful to watch (even from a distance) while someone slowly kills themselves while I am sober. I think this pain fueled my own drinking.

Any thoughts would be great. My sober brothers and sisters will be my support now.

nomis

When I first got sober, I badly wanted to proclaim to my drinking buddies all the benefits and wonders of sobriety. Still do to some degree in fact. But I also realize that ultimately its pointless and I need to focus on living my own life and not pushing my lifestyle on others.

alphaomega

I have only been sober for a New York minute, but my experience is that when you change yourself, everything else changes.

I have had the worst, and I mean worst, experience with my mother. When I finally decided to stop drinking at her, and start making myself the first priority, our relationship changed. It had too, right ? If I'm different now, we can no longer act or interact in the same way.

My entire life, I never put myself first. Thought it selfish. How absolutely wrong I was. In doing so, every single relationship in my life in richer, more authentic.

You want to help someone change ? Keep working on you DoPerdiditon.

Then sit back, and watch.

XO AO

LadyBlue0527

Excellent posts!

One of my old drinking buddies recently contacted me in the last month because she knows she needs to do something about her drinking. She asked if she could go to an AA meeting with me and I was ecstatic.

We walked into the meeting and sat down and she began telling me her plans for the upcoming weekend which included alcohol. I was a bit in shock and I didn't say anything just hoping that she received some kind of message from the meeting. When we went around the room to introduce ourselves she said "I'm not doing that" and I told her if she felt uncomfortable to just say her name which she did. She probably would have been better just saying the words instead of what she did. In an AA room with about 50 people she just brought further attention to herself by not saying it. Neither here nor there I hoped that she would get something out of it.

After we left the meeting I had a little discussion with her and it would appear that her perception is that AA can be used if your drinking is out of control and you just want to find a way to moderate. I guess whatever works for her. I tried a few times later to see if she wanted to go to a meeting and she doesn't get back to me or texts back to not give up on her.

I just had to stop. It was triggering me a little bit because it was apparent that she really doesn't want to do anything about it, she just wants to make her feel better about herself by creating a facade that she's making an attempt.

For my own sobriety I had to walk away. It's painful to do that because I know that she needs help. She's just not ready. I love her and feel bad for her but if it's putting me on edge I can't continue. Yes, it sucks. I feel like I'm turning my back on a friend. I can't help her though if she's not willing to accept the help.

resolute50

You can lead somebody to sobriety,but you can't make them not drink.

gaffo

For me this is another part of that hairy hot mess of sorting my life out "post alcohol". I feel guilty for "crossing people off the list" because I find that I don't have the time for alcohol drama anymore. My ruthlessness in this regard has been a surprise to me. I just don't care if someone drinks or not as long as they don't get in my way! I still have a handful of train wreck drunk friends who are able to abide by this simple rule and we get along fine.

That said, I am a helpful person and I don't want to change that so if someone wants to talk to me about sobriety I try to be helpful and positive. There were a lot of little snippets of help along the path to my sobriety, maybe I can pass a little of that along...

thisisme

The fortitude to get sober must come from within. We can only set an example that it can be done.

Threshold

I don't feel guilty because no one close to me who is in active alcoholism is interested in being sober. It's everyone's right to make choices about their life, even unhealthy ones. I'd be happy to help anyone who cares to stop and live sober, but that is really all I can do.

No one "saved" me. I had to own my addiction, seek help and apply myself. I hope I am a good enough example of recovery that they might get curious about how I turned my life around.

Leana

I don't think I feel survivor's guilt as much as I feel sad. The active drinker I know and love just can't seem to do it. Why I could, I don't know and my heart breaks for him. But I have offered to stand by him as he takes the first step; but my suggestion was rejected. He knows that when he is ready I am here but until then, I love him but have very little contact with him. (He lives in another state, someone I've know for years, not family or ex partner but someone I care for deeply just the same.)

DoPerdition

Thank you everyone for your words. It is really amazing how much better it feels to know you're not alone in this. I never really learned another way to cope with the world besides drinking and brooding. I don't want to be like this so I am going to change. I feel like I just "get it" now.

That doesn't mean I won't be tempted to drink in the future. It just means I now know exactly what I am doing to myself if I do. I won't let alcohol take my life.

But watching other people, people I love, slowly kill themselves with alcohol is like a slow torture I get to live out over and over again. We all make choices though.

Thanks for the support guys!

GracieLou

When I first got sober I wanted to take everyone with me, even the people that did not drink or have problems with alcohol. I now know that these feelings held me back from moving on. I had to let go. I had to stop looking back to see if they were following me.

Some people remained in my life on a daily basis and even though they still drink I hope that my example can give them a little willingness to change their lives as well. In the meantime, I pray for them.

Just as our loved ones watched us and felt helpless we now feel the same towards others. It is tough thing for us, even more so, because we "get it" and we want nothing more for them to get it as well.

Everyday when I say my prayers and thank God for keeping me sober I pray for the sick and suffering that are still out there.

GiantNZ

In my AA home group meeting last night we actually discussed this. People have to want to give up. I was told for a long time that I had a problem but like all of you had to come to realise that myself.

As per usual AA covers this as well. However as we discussed people need to reach out just as it says and then we are responsible.

The Responsibility Declaration: "I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible."