Thanksgiving is Hard
 

I go to a big (40 plus people) family celebration that is basically a 5 hour red wine fest. Not going is not an option, and I don't worry I will drink...but I don't enjoy being around increasingly buzzed people with red wine breath.

I am wondering if anyone can relate. I also wonder if anyone has tried and true strategies for getting through.:tyou

Thanksgiving will be extremely difficult for me this year, it will be the first holiday since my mom died. I am hosting the dinner, I don't want to but circumstances as they are I felt I needed to make sure my dad was ok. This will be the 1st Thanksgiving in 59 years that he did not spend with my mom. Because I am hosting - we are doing a sober day, so nobody will be drinking (at least at my house), on Thursday.

All I can say is that I got fed up with hating and dreading holidays. I pulled the plug and decided that I was going to celebrate them, and do what it took to make that happen.

Truth is, everyone got over it. They had plenty of other people at the celebrations to either enjoy or fight with as they saw fit. I stopped hating holidays and fighting with people because I was resentful. I made it a non issue.

That's all I know.

No one dropped dead, turned inside out or had their head spin around when I stopped attending holiday functions and buying everyone Christmas gifts. I visit with the people I care about on less stressful and hectic occasions, like Summertime, birthdays, etc.

I think you both have found great solutions...I wish I could do the same.

Right now holidays are for my kids, and that's where my kids want to be...and as much as I hate the rest of it, I would rather be with my kids.

Thanks for listening.

Hi Just! You are in a tough spot and I can relate. I have a hard time being around drunk people when I am not drinking. Here are just a few thoughts, in no particular order.

I guess you can't leave early or arrive late since your kids are involved. Could you maybe have a headache mid way through and go lie down for a while? Check in here on SR, breathe, meditate, pray, do yoga, whatever floats your boat and gets you through?

Maybe throw yourself into a sober activity? Games, inside or outside with kids? Movies in a room where the revelry isn't quite so loud? Crafts? Something to keep your mind and hands busy.

This is one day. Five hours. You can do it if you have a plan. And a reward! Plan something amazing for yourself for when you get home or for the weekend. I have a massage scheduled for Friday afternoon. Anything you can think of that can serve as the carrot at the end of the stick?

Good luck. I believe in you!

Hi JustODAAT,

There is always some drinking at the family functions I go to. Depending on whose extended family shows up, there may be drunking going on as well.
I always bring my own stash of club soda so that I have something that I like to drink. If the drinking gets too much for me, then I go to the kitchen and help serve or clean up. I always have an excuse to leave early.....I need to let the dog out. :)
Take a deep breath if you start to feel overwrought, maybe a short walk around the block. Try to feel grateful and proud of yourself.
:)

be in fit spiritual condition
have the right motive
have an escape route.

Ditto tomsteve in the escape route. I have my own mapped out for every event. Special holidays use to just throw me for a loop. I am finally coming to a peace about that. I am now okay being one of the very few people not drinking, not slurring my words, not spilling wine on my party dress, not smelling like a brewery, not telling jokes that are not funny, not offending anyone, not falling down...... I let someone else be the fool for a change :)

You do have an option to not go.
There is always a choice.

I respect your family responsibilities, kids desires etc, and in no way question your decision, but for the sake of clarity and for the many peole who read and don't post who might benefit I share this.

I pulled the plug on big family holiday gatherings when my three kids were still rather young. I felt it was a good thing to create our own holiday traditions that emphasized what we believed and valued.

We found some other people to gather with, started some of our own family traditions, invited people, family/friends and some years they came, and some years they didn't. But we had our thing. And we found time and opportunities for the kids to see relatives at less "loaded" time of the year.

The kids enjoyed our holiday traditions. They also appreciated the holidays being less hectic, stressful, tense times.

In my family situation it was time for us to cut the cord and move from doing what I or my husband had done as a kid and have my kids have their own holiday memories. When something becomes a burden, it's time to reevaluate.

Again, this is not aimed at the OP or their situation, just putting it out there as my own experience.

just
if it is the small of alcohol that you dont want to smell on peoples breaths. a few times i work around terrible gut wrentching smells, so i found a solution that has the ability to numb/mask the smell. a strong cough drop like Halls works for me. you can still smell but takes the edge off of it. you will still be around it, might help you.

A dab of Vicks Vaporub under both nostrils (and on the temples for an extra measure serenity) does wonders for this smell sensitive recoverer.

I am literally never without it. :)

I just go ,eat the good food ,visit a while . then come home .

No sweat now , but none of wifes family gets very drunk .

There are some really good tips here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html

D

I play with everyones kids. Kick a ball etc.. everyone is happy because the kids are entertained and the kids enjoy getting some attention rather than being told to go off and play whilst the parents drink.

Thanksgiving is hard. As it inches closer and closer, the buildup is palpable. By far the hardest holiday for me.

There's a huge part of me that wants to say screw it and go get drunk and start all over the day after. Decided I'd tell on myself.

MirAge I can totally relate. We host TG for over 20 folks, many of which stay all weekend. Not everyone drinks but most do - especially me and my bros in law. I'm 8 days into no drinks. I have no idea how not to do it. Half of me wants to drink, half doesn't.

Everyone has such good suggestions, thank you. I also appreciate just hearing from others that they also think Thanksgiving is hard.

I wish everyone a happy and sober Thanksgiving. Thank you for your support.

These are good suggestions when visiting friends and family for TG. Any thoughts on "escape plans" when you're hosting TG at your place and the drinks are flowing?

Try and have a space thats yours - even if it's your room, or the laundry, the garage or a tree house or whatever :)

If thats no good, try a walk...

Call people if you have face to face support, or log on here :)

D