GracieLou

You said you won't go back to daily drinking. What about special occasions, like I dunno, going to a bar? Was it a sporting event of some kind or just a regular day at the bar? I had many regular days at the bar.

What about holidays? Thanksgiving?, Christmas?, New Years?, Valentines Day? St. Patrick's Day? Easter? Fourth of July, Memorial Day? Labor Day? and then there are the regular birthdays and anniversaries? All reasons to have a drink!

Instead of counting the days sober, will you be counting the days until the next reason arrives to have a drink? Maybe something to think about.

I used to count the hours until I could drink except on weekends when I could have a drink right after my morning coffee. I am grateful I don't have to live that way anymore.

I think it comes down to acceptance. I am not angry or resentful that I can't drink. In a way it is a blessing. Once I accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic and could not drink the weight was lifted. I did not have to fight with myself anymore about when to drink, how much to drink or when I should not drink but still wanted to and in most cases talked myself right into another drunken night because I figured I would just have one or two that always turned into a lot more.

To thine own self be true. Were you tired of counting days or tired of not being able to drink?

Bostonsportsfan

I counted down the days until my next "event" where I'd be tempted to drink.

Doug39

You make total sense and this is exact what I mean.

keithj

Thanks, Doug, for the great example of how delusional our thinking can be when engaged in active alcoholism.

And before you get defensive, let me say that comment can hopefully get you to consider how your actions would appear to an impartial, outside observer. There sits a guy who made a commitment to not drink; a commitment with enough seriousness behind it to warrant counting days since his last drink. And this guy just drank and blames it on the fact that he made a commitment to not drink. Do you see the flawed logic and insanity behind that? My commitment to not drink is what caused me to drink.

This is classic, ordinary thinking in an alcoholic mind. My hope is that one day you will look back and see the absurdity of it.

nomis

As usual Dee gives the best advice. If counting the days were bothering you, why not just stop counting the days?

Maybe this really will work out for you, but this is a board of recovering alcoholics who have used every excuse under the sun to drink. When we hear a line like the one you gave, alarm bells ring and most of us automatically think: AV.

Anyways, keep checking in and letting us know how things turned out.

Joe Nerv

Didn't read all the responses, so perhaps it's already been said...

Me thinks that hanging out in bars is far more dangerous than counting days. It seems validated by your experience, also.

ru12

Whatever works for you Doug. If counting doesn't help, don't count. I'm glad you are doing alright. Never let ther perfect be the enemy of the good.

Boiledrootbeer

Why do you try to make this person believe that since he is are not operating the same way you would that he is delusional? I see this sort of thing constantly on this site, and it's one of my big problems with groups like AA. People some how allow themselves to be convinced that they have no control over themselves, that their decisions are some how made by an unforeseen force and that the only way to gain the upper hand on this force to sit in meetings surrounded by like minded people. They don't defeat addiction, they just trade the old one (alcohol) for the new one (AA). And then you form into groups the same way you did while alcoholics and you shun those who are not a part of your group.
I am done with this page. I have been coming here for years and I am tired of people trying to tell others what they are doing wrong instead of trying to show them for what they are doing right. Good bye.

Boiledrootbeer

I don't mean to be rude, though I'm sure that my previous post will taken as such by many. I feel that my time here is over, I just do not agree with most of what I read here.

ru12

Then post what you do believe. There are many path to sobriety. Share yours. Someone might need it.

freshstart57

BoiledRootBeer, there are many here who feel as you do, and SR has made a 12 step free forum for discussions about self empowerment and self recovery called Secular Connections. You are most welcome there.

As RU12 suggested, you may have already done a great service with your rant, letting those who feel as you do that they are not alone.

I hope you keep posting.

fini

Doug,
it's good to hear the beer didn't trigger anything. seems, though, that the more useful thing to look at is the the fact that you saw a solution to an irksome place you were in as having some beer.
there were other ways to take care of what was bothersome to you. but you took this one.


the idea that any kind of drinking shows something about drinking other than the obvious drinking again makes no sense to me in sobriety, but sure did sound reasonable when i was an active drunk

might be useful to spend some time looking at why you took this particular way to get away from what you believe kept you stuck with thinking about drinking.

DG0409

I count days. For me, it's NOT a way of saying how many days I've white-knuckled it and deprived myself of a substance. It's a way of being grateful for my sobriety and my recovery. It's a way of reminding myself of how far I've come from the miserable life I was leading. I am thankful for each day clean and sober.

I am not depriving myself by not drinking. I am living my life in a way that I can live up to my potential. I can accomplish my goals. I can be the person I want to be. I wake up and I'm not hungover or going through alcohol withdrawal. I brush my teeth before bed rather than just passing out drunk & high. I'm free from the anxiety and depression caused by drinking. I don't have to worry about driving drunk. And the list could go on and on.

chaili05

I think the only issue here is that we don't know what kind of commitment Doug made to himself. Perhaps he's not in a place where he's ready to or already did commit to complete sobriety- not even that he's necessarily just aiming at moderation by any means... but that's exactly it- we don't know what he's necessarily aiming for and therefore it's difficult to give this kind of explanation

Carlotta

I am not a day counter myself but I have an app on my phone and sometimes share to show someone brand new that it can be done. I also sign in on the 24 hours club to support Deeker's little gang. Counting days and the 24 hours method are helpful to some and useless to others so whatever works.
On another hand, using days counting as an excuse to pick up while hanging out in a bar is nuts. Like others said: if counting days was bothering you the logical thing to do would have been to stop counting.
There are no reasons to drink, just excuses.
Your post is the kind of thing which a friend or family member would post on the "Quackers" thread in the Frienda and Family section and everyone would have a good chuckle at it.

gaffo

I have to think about it with a calculator in hand to figure out how many days I'm sober (744 today!). I stopped putting shaky red "X"s on my calendar after ninety days. I told people and did the happy dance on my one and two year marks. It's no big deal I guess but I am very proud of my sobriety. It stopped driving me crazy eventually, I just didn't drink at all for any reason and my mind started to to heal. I'm sure I'll feel even better about it on day #745!

wiscsober

Serious? You are kidding right?

EndGameNYC

I agree.

For example, there are many comments I've read here with which I disagree, but my responses to these comments are very different from yours.

Neither one of us is "right"...We only respond differently.

When I read that someone took a sip of alcohol in order to bring under control something they've been doing habitually and reflexively while attempting to get sober, it gets my attention, if only because I wonder at the thinking that's behind it. But that's just me.

Where you see criticism, I see support. Where you see despair, I see hope. And where you see "group-think" in the service of controlling other people's behavior, I see the wisdom of experience from the many people who've been through the same thing.

LadyBlue0527

I think that we all know how dangerous this could be. However, I think that what Doug was trying to portray was that he found himself actually obsessing about how many days it had been since his last drink. He knew by taking a sip he could say "There, now that's over". It took away the obsession about the number of days. There is no plan to drink further.

We're all different. Some could get away with what Doug did for the reasons that he did it. Some know that would be the beginning of the end and another attempt to drink again. Only he will know what category he falls in.

I don't think that there's any right way or wrong way to get and remain sober as long as you're not hurting anyone.

jdooner

You might not be an alcoholic. This exercise might help you figure this out. If you are then you will most definitely progress back to daily drinking. I have questioned many things in my recovery but my inability to ever moderate is not one I question now. I know that if I drink then in spite of possibly controlling or moderating at first, I will end back at the same place I did, which led to my sobriety. This is the thing about a progressive disease/illness.

I don't count the days but I do keep track. I hit 90 days yesterday and three months this Wednesday. As my sobriety time builds it helps as a deterrent towards that first drink. I can of liken this to working out. Once I stop and pickup old habits its much harder to start again vs once your in the routine. I use my sober time to help as my deterrent.

The mind is powerful. In fact today I was reading a story in Outside magazine about the process of freezing to death. As you enter a state of hypothermia, you will hallucinate. In fact, when you are freezing to death and the capillaries are bursting, many people who have survived talk about how they thought they were n a beach of in front of a fire (blood cells bursting), many strip their coats off and clothes off - mind telling you your doing the right thing when its actually the worst possible move.

Keep posting, questioning and I hope you achieve what you want. There are many different paths to recovery I encourage you to check them out - hopefully one fits and you achieve your goals.