Mirage74

To buy beer but didn't. I changed my mind when I got there. I'm worried about tomorrow though. I just can't get any relief. I've already taken 1.5 Ambien when I'm only supposed to take 1. Worried this is considered a relapse already. And the worst part is I don't think I care.

Dee74

Maybe its time to see someone about this depression and angst you've been feeling mirage 74?

Did you decide to avoid the family Thanksgiving?

D

Mirage74

Yea I told them today I wasn't coming. I know they are upset/angry. Oh well.

I am seeing a counselor but they aren't helping much. It's frustrating bc I don't feel like she addresses the real issues, and I'm paying her. I'm going to try a new one out.

Dee74

yeah, that sounds like a good move.
I hope you have a good relaxing weekend Mirage74

D

Mirage74

Thanks, I will do my best not to fall off the wagon

You have a good weekend too, D

Dee74

There'll be people here to help

D

Ptcapote

Hey Mirage, just catching up on this thread and thinking about you.

Know you've been having a bit of a rough go of late. Stick with it, you'll get through it and hopefully get some help with your anxiety and depression. I know that's a b!tch but it is fixable.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that you're on my mind. Check in when you can.

((Hugs))

Mirage74

Thanks Ptacote, things were better today. I think maybe what I'm going through is a combination of maybe PAWS, the holidays, and some depression/anxiety. I'm glad I didn't drink last night. I was convinced it was a good idea. Hope things are going good for you too, thx for the thought

digdug

First off, good job on not following through with buying the beer. There are many, myself included, who proscribe to the idea that we relapse mentally before we actually pick up a drink.

It sounds like you've taken some concrete steps towards an actual relapse. Do you have a plan to reel yourself back into recovery mode?

Mirage74

I don't know, I don't know what to do. I feel like people are resistant to change, and change means me getting better. So if people are resistant to that, I've got a problem on my hands. Really at a loss about what to do

Mirage74

People in my life are resistant to change, I mean. People here encourage change, which is great

bigsombrero

Change makes many people uncomfortable. But in regards to your happiness, you've got to start living your life for yourself, and nobody else. For you, that means a life free from alcohol, and perhaps some other changes as well. If you don't start doing that now...when will you? We often see change as a dangerous thing...but for us alcoholics, it's "not changing" that is the real danger. Good luck, stay strong, stay sober.

Dee74

People in my life were resistant to change too - but it's our life Mirage, and we only get one of them.

I changed my life, got rid of as many toxic folks as I could (including family) and met people who support me being happy and becoming all I can be.

Maybe that's a way forward for you too?

D

Mirage74

Agree with everything you said, Dee. I think the change some people are resistant to is the me cutting them out of my life. Working on it.