Petewill

haven't posted in a long while. I almost have 5 months sober at this point. I am active in AA, chair a meeting, have a sponsor, and am working the steps. I have rectified my family issues, it seems that they have forgiven me and am proud.. I have a job in my field that pays well, but I don't feel very secure there, as they have let alot of people go.I am playing music again, which is my passion. Anyway - these last 2 to 3 days have been very empty and just feeling down, like "this is it" ? granted I have friends in and out of the rooms, just alone..lacking a significant other, but I know that would probably not be good right now. I think it's like I feel I messed up so bad and wasted so much time that I feel it is too late. I am 45 years old now. I think that actually sums it up.. Its the sadness that I have wasted so much time. I should be seeing the world, playing more music, etc.. this sounds lame and I need to get off the pity pot... sorry..I know the alternative to all of this way worse.. .. by the way, i take anti-depressants, so that is not something I need to look into at this point.. thanks for reading..

NorCal1970

Hey Pete, I know how you feel. I am 43 and can relate to the amount of my life I feel like I "wasted". My drinking destroyed my marriage and hurt many of those around me. Taking those things into consideration I know that I have a good portion of my life still in front of me. I wasted many of the first 43 years but by stopping my abuse of alcohol I have the control to not waste anymore. Is it perfect? No, but is what I have got. I refuse to give up anymore of my years to alcohol and am going to make the most of what I have left.

Hang in there Pete. 5 months is an amazing accomplishment.

Dee74

Hi Pete - Good to 'see' you

I had thoughts like that too my first year or so...it's only when I can look back and see the whole picture I can see I'm exactly where I was meant to be.

My life hasn't turned out like I thought it would...but thats a good thing, because the way it's turned out is even better I think

Congrats on your 5 months - and keep the faith - this is definitely not it..not by a long shot....

Recovery is the gift that literally keeps on giving - there's always more to come...

D

SnoozyQ

Hiya Pete ;-) congrats on almost 5 months .

Would love to see you drop in for a hi in the July class xxx

You would be very welcomed, people all who gave up in July ...

LadyinBC

It doesn't sound lame at all. I find that I feel the "is this it" thing when I am coming up to milestones. Felt like that at around 6 months and then again before my year. Like a blah, what have a I accomplished, where do I want to go, what is the point etc. And I'm 48.

I honestly think that these feelings are common and it is okay for us to feel like this sometimes. I just make sure to take stock and make sure that I'm not becoming complacent or trying to set myself up for a fall.

I can't be happy and chippy 100% of the time. I have goods days and I have bad days and you know what? It is okay to have bad days sometimes and feel bit sad for ourselves. We are only human.

sugarbear1

What step are you working on?

Petewill

thanks for the feedback everyone.. I am on step 4 sugarbear1....

TucTee

Pete, look at the "time wasted" as time well spent. While it may have caused turmoil and shame to live that time, that experience is a fundamental resource to you. It serves as an indelible reminder of what you don't want and what you strive to rectify on a daily basis.