msgrayson

Please forgive me advance as I am new here and not quite sure how things work. I need advice! I am very scared! I am a former opiate addict who used alcohol to get through my hardest moments...it is now 3 months later and I am drink a fifth of vodka a day. I have to have a drink in the morning to stop withdrawal. I realized I have a new addiction and want to quit! I attempted a short taper. I knew that seizures were an option so I wanted to be safe! What I did not know is there can be delusions! (BTW I have no mental health issues.) On day 2 I began hearing things. I heard people having a full conversation for about 30 min in my house, I looked everywhere to see if it was a radio or something. Then I heard voices randomly shout things. It scared me...Then I heard my children laughing and telling stories in their room....I realized they were still asleep at 5:00 am and finally figured out I was having delusions. I drove in the car and heard country music the whole way. The radio was off. Back home I ran to get something I left in the car and saw a fox by the tire. As I came back in "The Grimm reaper was on the porch". I did a double take and he was still there. I went in the house opened the cabinet to cook something a a ton of fruit flys swarmed at me! I screamed for my husband to come get them and he assured me there was nothing. I literally felt them hit my face. I made a bowl of cereal and it was so hard to eat because the whole time a loud boiling noise came from the boil. I saw my ceiling literally cracking open. My carpet was sparing water, which I could catch in my hands. The thing that disturbs me most is everything was so real! I could tell it from real life! So scary. I decided maybe I was tapering too fast! So I ran a grabbed a few shots to make these go away! I am still tapering, but have been up for 24 hours, scared to sleep! I do understand they are delusions...but it still scares me! I want off this alcohol. i am ashamed I allowed it to escalate so quickly! Any advice or experience is greatly appreciated!

Raider

Oh crap!!!! I have not had that happen. I would consider going to a doctor NOW!!!!

suki44883

Welcome to SR, msgrayson. I'm sure that was a horrific experience. Have you considered going into a medical detox center? I did a medical detox several years ago and it was exactly what I needed. They will make sure you detox safely and your vital signs will be monitored several times a day to make sure you are okay. I suggest this because of the hallucinations you have experienced. Alcohol detox can be deadly and it isn't anything to do on your own.

At the very least, I encourage you to see your doctor and be honest with him about your drinking and your hallucinations and see if he can help you. He may be able to get you into a detox facility quicker than trying to do so on your own. Please take this seriously.

awuh1

Get some medical advice on your withdrawals. PLEASE! It's the only safe way to do it.

Eddiebuckle

Grayson, alcohol withdrawal is potentially fatal, and what you are describing is extreme - you need to get medical help immediately. Not tomorrow, tonight.

msgrayson

Thank you for taking the time to respond! Because of a big life change I do no have medical insurance. So my only option is to taper. I did talk to my dr and told him how much I was up to (a fifth a day.) And he would not give me benzos because of my prior opiate addiction. He told me to just taper. I have only been drinking 3 months, but the amount increased so quickly! My only option is to do it at home. Maybe I tapered too fast? I am so scared and unsure how to do this!

Dee74

I agree with the others - this is one of those money be damned situations

hallucinations like that need a medical consultation msgrayson - get your husband to drive you to your local er if nothing else.

D

suki44883

You can go to the ER and they will help you. Explain everything to them that you told us here. Print out a copy of this thread and take it with you so you don't forget anything. They will not turn you away for lack of insurance. Please, this is NOT something you should be attempting on your own.

msgrayson

In all honesty no one knows I have an issue! I work hard to hide it! Also I am 2 hours away from the hospital, so I am just hoping to learn the skills to taper myself and be done with this.

suki44883

Are you willing to die to protect your secret??

I'm sorry that sounds harsh, but whether you think so or not, I'm sure your husband knows about your drinking. A two hour drive to the hospital ER is nothing if it saves your life. Call 911 if necessary. I cannot express strongly enough how important it is for you to get medical help NOW.

Dee74

I really can't stress the over importance of getting medical help.

I ended up with ministrokes from my attempts at home detox. Other people have died.

I'm not a Dr - I dunno how serious your condition is...but being reassured of your health and well being must be worth a two hour drive, if that's what it takes?

D

msgrayson

Wow, I am used to opiate withdrawals. I didn't know what a dangerous door I was opening when I used the alcohol to get through it! I am so thankful I found this site and I thank each one of your your time! I am just so lost and scared and ashamed I allowed this to happen! So from what I am getting from the replies, there is no way to do this on my own?

suki44883

There is no guaranteed safe way to do it on your own. Alcohol withdrawals can be deadly. You can seizure, you can stroke out, you can have a heart attack. It is the most dangerous of withdrawals.

That isn't said to scare you, it is the honest truth. One of our moderators is living with the after-effects of stroking out during withdrawal. This is NOT something you want to mess with on your own. Please...get medical help.

msgrayson

Thank you! I value what all of you have to say! This all new to me...I will look into medical help tomorrow. I am scared of what will happen if I don't! It is just going to be so hard to tell my husband once again I am struggling with an addiction!

Hevyn

Welcome msgrayson. The others have already given good advice - I'd like to say I'm very glad you joined us and reached out for some help. I hope you'll keep posting - we care about you.

suki44883

Don't let fear of confiding in your husband keep you from doing what you need to do. Like I said, we addicts always think we're being so secretive when in reality, most of those close to us know already. I wish you much success in your sobriety. I hope you'll come back here and let us know how things work out. This is a forum full of wonderful people who understand what you are going through. You'll find a lot of support here. (((HUGS)))

msgrayson

Thank you! I really need people in my life that understand what I am going through! I will continue to post my outcome. I feel so clueless, and still shocked I am in this position! It is such a bad feeling when any substance controls your life. I thought opiates were bad...but at least they were not fatal. I am just so scared!

suki44883

It will be okay. It's okay to be scared. I was scared when I went into medical detox, but I knew that it was the only way I could save myself. It's really not as bad as you fear it will be. In fact, I thoroughly enjoyed my six days at detox. I didn't want to leave when my time was up. I felt so safe and protected there, and the food was really good. I was afraid to go back out into the real world.

You can do this, and you have us behind you cheering you on! Save yourself and then come back and help others who will be where you are today.

EndGameNYC

The hallucinations you're describing are usually associated with late-stage alcoholism...when the person can no longer live without alcohol. This is a serious and often fatal condition.

If I were there, I'd call 911 and ensure that you got immediate medical attention. This is not a game. It's not about fear of humiliation for having been found out; nor is this a time for home remedies. It's your mind and body telling you that your internal organs may be starting to shut down and that you need urgent care.

The alternative is to have your husband, or your children, finding you lying dead on the floor.

msgrayson

Wow! That really makes this problem so much more real! I thought I didn't have a problem...it has only been three months! I still need to be here an healthy for my family! I was hoping detox and tapering at home was an option...but I now understand it is way different from Opiates! What did I do? If anyone is till reading I would love to hear how you cope after...Opiate (now alcohol) was my reward system, what I looked forward to! I am scared I will not know how to live sober. Life seems so boring. I wish I could kick that thought...but once that door is open, you can never close it! I want to be happy again! Before Drugs and alcohol!