Zube

Just wondering for discussion sake for those of us who have shared in the nightmare of relapse, what pivotal event or events led up to it?

My first relapse came after I became very comfortable in sobriety, stopped talking to my sponsor and stopped going to AA. I basically turned my back on my support group. Well, I lost a job, and moved 5 states away, with every intention of going to an AA mtg the very night I moved in. Instead I went to the liquor store, not sure why, I felt great to be moved in after kind of fighting a depression and a lot of fear. So began my 6 week relapse that eclipsed my previous 25 years of drinking by far, and in the end cost me my wife, my home, my truck, my job, and 6 weeks in jail after crashing my work truck into a parked car during a week long blackout.

This landed me in treatment for 5 months after jail.

My second relapse came right after treatment, the first night I moved into my apartment. Again, I was going to hit an AA mtg, but I didn't. I was also depressed due to a breakup with a girl I had met and began an affair with in treatment (I know, BAD IDEA). My second and last relapse only lasted a few days.

I think in writing this I see my triggers being slacking on going to AA, moving, depression, and loss- job or relationship.

I really don't want to become a chronic relapser. Perhaps others can share there thoughts on this, and perhaps in doing so we can help each other from the hell of relapse.

Thanks,
Zube

Bostonsportsfan

To me it wasn't any big events. Just sorta happened in the moment. People were drinking and I caved.

Dee74

I only ever had one relapse, after two months.

My life was the same as it was when I was drinking - put someone who's not really committed to quitting forever in a drinking drug taking life, and the results are inevitable I think.

MaxxPower

This is exactly the kinda stuff that makes me restless..worried about relapse constantly.

I haven't experienced relapse.

Feel like If I picked up again, Id probably like I missed out on lost time. Also if I ever did, would never want to face myself sober again.

Would feel like a complete failure...would be messy.

Who knows what would happen..

MaxxPower

*feel*

Weaver

I don't really care for the term "relapse" but all the previous times I quit and drank again...I guess the reason I "relapsed" was I chose to drank. I wanted to be drunk again more than I wanted to be sober.

Also, not believing in myself. Doubting myself, feeling as though I was a "lost cause." All these feelings led to my continued drinking and multiple day benders previously.

Nevertheless

I relapsed a LOT of times over the years. Looking back I don't think there ever was exactly a pivotal event. In a lot of cases I knew it was coming days before it happened. I think while I wanted to quit,I didn't REALLY want to quit.
Some "event" would happen,and I would swear off booze. But it usually wasn't long before I "forgot" whatever stupid thing I did to make me want to quit.
I agree with what they say about "you have to be done with this stuff". We need to want to stay sober long after the addiction is broken. I think that is where I always failed. Once I forgot how ridiculous my habit was (which usually wasn't long) I started again.
Our rememberers are broken,but or forgetters work pretty damn good.

Fred

Johnston

Mine came mainly from a sense of entitlement, I think. I had raised some good kids with my wife and was settling into life as an empty nester. After almost 20 years sober I figured "what the hell, let's give it another shot".

IWLSAST

Hi Zube,

So nice to see you!! Been a while. Not many from that original Novi 10 group around these days.

My last two relapses followed over a year sober in each case. I could use any of the excuses that were in my head at the time, but, really it just comes down to the fact that I wanted to drink more than I didn't.

On June 3rd I went to an AA mtg...not looking for fault or differences, just an open mind. Within a few days I opened my heart. Since then I've been to over 150 meetings, have a sponsor, working the steps and I am more hopeful than I've been in years.

All my other sober times were empty suit attempts...had no substance. Yes, simply dry drunks. My first relapse followed 11.5 years, then came in droves. I carry like 30 names of folks that would go to any measure to help me not drink if I trigger. What a comfort that has become for me.

Nothing against any other program that works for others here. This is just what is working for me against this monster.

My very best my old Novi 10 friend!!!

Carlos

Zube

Hey Carlos! That is awesome what you have found in AA. It inspires me to redouble my efforts in AA, which admittedly have been slacking lately. Thanks for the post. Always good to hear from a former classmate of mine!

Zube

IOAA2

Hi all. As stated above I wanted to escape my pain (?) more than I wanted to be sober. Finally when the pain was bad enough for me the plug went in the jug permanently for +30 years. In the beginning it helped to remember when and not having to get sober AGAIN if the first drink was not consumed. Many thousands of meetings were necessary to keep it green for me.

BE WELL

Ruby2

First go around I wasn't working any program or going to meetings and deluded myself that I could drink like a normal person someday.

This to around my AH husband relapsed. I hadmstoppedmgoing to meetings regularly and was stressed by the cues that I saw that my husband would soon relapse and he gets crazy when he drinks. I found that bottle of his and thought "oh, no, here we go again. Sh$t!" That was back in August. Today is day 8for me and I have hit 5 meetings and will try to get to one tonight. Have to reconnect with my sponsor and hit the steps again.

SineadOConnor

I lost my beloved dog and I realize now that is a lame excuse looking back. True it is lame or not. My feelings needed medicating.

Ruby2

Oh, and I don't blame AH, I picked up the bottle. He didn't drink last night but who knows if that will last. All I can do now is work on me.

Lifeisforliving

Kidding myself that I was "cured" after only 3 weeks of sobriety on my own (no meetings, check-ins here, etc). I kept telling myself I could drink like a normal person - that I had learned my lesson. As I said in a previous post, my AV is a cunning, conniving beast.

MIRecovery

I don't believe I ever relapsed because I don't believe that I ever really quit drinking. Every time I quit I had always thought that there would be some day that I could drink again. I did not drink for 6 years by white knuckling it. I was in a drinking situation and I just got so tired of trying that I had a glass of wine. That started a four year death spiral that almost killed me

caboblanco

The pivotal event of me seeing a liquor store on the side of the road

ScottFromWI

Since you listed slacking in your AA efforts as one of your main triggers for a relapse in your original post, your statement above may be the answer you are looking for by starting this thread in the first place.

There are probably as many different triggers/events leading up to relapse/slips/excuses as there are people. What's really important is realizing what leads you to drink. And it looks like you've found one of them that might be happening as we speak.

NorCal1970

I have only quit once before this. It was kind of a trival "I can quit if I want to". I stopped for almost 3 months. Thinking back there was no real trigger, just felt like I had abstained long enough. I was in denial of how bad the problem was. Looking back I can see how bad it was, I can see how things would be so different if I had never started again. I know that now. I also know that if I go back to drinking I will be saying the same thing down the road.

Threshold

My relapses came because I had either not learned any coping skills and just didn't know what to do with feelings other than drink/drug. Or I didn't want to use the skills I had learned...it was easier to drink/drug than to practice something new.

I took the easy way out. I found out that I had to practice my coping skills, living skills when I was sober so when the next feeling hit, I had a few tricks in my bag that I was already comfortable with.

I had to start building a non drama, non crisis life as my default setting. When in active addiction, I lived as if the crises moments were reality, like stepping stones I jumped from crisis to crisis avoiding normal reality at all costs. Crazy!

I had to get used to normal, day to day life, and learn I could have good days, and let myself have them, and learn I could handle life, and let myself. Good days and good feelings terrified me for awhile. They felt wrong and scary, they were as upsetting to me as really bad days.

I mean, it was like "yey! it's friday night, two days off of work...awesome...OMG I have two whole days to fill, I don't want to waste them, what if I waste them, no , I HAVE to fill them up with non stop fun and excitement, better start drinking/drugging right away because I am not sure how to have fun in any other way and I MUST have fun...it's the weekend!"

So, I relapsed because I had NO normal setting. No clue on how to not drink/drug. No real belief that I, ME, could handle real life without that crutch. I needed hope, faith and skills.

Staying in discussion with other people in recovery gave me those three things. And I was able to quit, KNOWING good, fulfilling sober life was possible.