KateL

I find it's better when you are out with people who don't know you have/had a problem. All they say is. "What do you want to drink?" and you just say what you want. If they ask, "do you want a real drink?" I usually say. "No thanks, I'm driving." (or whatever). Or at friends and families houses (who know I don't drink) I still prefer to be asked, "What would you like to drink?"

However, there are some family members for example, who say, "Would you like a juice or a soft drink?" in front of absolutely everyone. I know their heart is in the right place, but seeing as I have been sober for many years, I find it a tad patronizing. I know it's a stupid thing but it really gets my goat. Why don't they just say, "What would you like to drink," like they do everyone else? Do they think it will tempt me into raiding their cocktail cabinet and after an hour, laying on the floor, singing 'show me the way to go home'?

StevenT

I find it respectful and caring. I was recently over at a friends house who drinks on occasion and had liquor there. I was in a bad place mentally and emotionally and sincerely wanted a drink, and if it weren't for that person I most likely would have drank. Instead one of the people there had one beer, then the alcohol got put away out of respect and care for me. They didn't let me throw my life away and refused to offer it to me.

I tell people when I go out with them that alcohol, drugs and I disagree, and that when either goes into my body I do stupid things that end up hurting myself and others, good friends know parts of my story and close friends know that I'm a member of AA. I don't hide it. It's who I am. I'll never be able to drink successfully, and so I don't have any reservations about letting my friends be extra insurance against the next drink. It saved my bacon a few weeks ago.

Dee74

We all look at things differently I guess Kate.

After seven years my family still asks me if I want a drink - they KNOW I don't drink, yet they continue to ask...it's taken a lot of work for me not to take that personally or be annoyed by it anymore.

Still...I think it would be wonderful to have my family accept and be respectful of my choice and ask if I want a juice or a soft drink....

D

aasharon90

To safeguard myself from putting poison
in my body, I first, don't set myself up
or place myself in an arkward or uncomfortable
situation. Second, if I should go out, I make
sure I have a plan of escape or surround
myself with other members in recovery
just like me.

Today, I know that I never have to be
uncomfortable in situations where alcohol
is available because I choose not to. I
don't like confrontations nor the feeling
of being trapped in those unsettling situations.

If I want to remain sober, healthy, happy
and honest in recovery then I have to live
a life of recovery everyday using the tools
and knowledge I learned 23 yrs ago.

KateL

Oh yes, totally agree, that's a different case altogether and it would have been good for me years ago also. I meant now. They know I don't touch the stuff but I can still see it in their eyes. It reminds me of something that I have almost forgotten about.

KateL

Nice piece. Unfortunately, it's not me who feels uncomfortable in this particular case, it's them xx

KateL

I get your point, but sometimes they say it in front of people who don't know and it sounds a bit odd. And they know for sure I will only take a soft drink anyway. Perhaps I am just being picky

sunrise1

I actually take that as a sign of caring. "Normal" people don't really know what it's like, but in my experience those people have always made me feel like I still belonged there having fun with no expectation of drinking on my part.

Most of you know I freely tell 95% of people I don't drink. It comes up a lot in my line of work and it's really best to just be upfront. My close friends do know why.

So- we were at a house party (working) with friends, and my husband's guitar needed to be cleaned. He sent me inside for- it would normally be rubbing alcohol but they didn't have any- a tiny bit of vodka. I walked into the kitchen with a big smile and said, "I need a shot of vodka!" - - to which my friend replied with hands on hips "NO YOU DO NOT!!!".

We had a good laugh. These things make me the happiest. It didn't all happen right away but most of my friends accept with it and roll with it, and it's stuff like the above that lets me know they're true friends.

Joe Nerv

I thought from the title that this was going to be one of the how to say no threads.

I know the feeling you're talking about. I quickly turn it around however and realize where it's coming from. People that do that, IMO, are actually saying I want you to know I care. Doesn't quite come off that way, but I really believe it's the intent.

KateL

Oh yeah, of course it is. I just feel a bit like they don't trust me after ten years. Having said that, most do. It doesn't happen all that often, just old aunties and things. Perhaps that's expected. I don't make a big deal of it, just roll my eyes when no one's looking

jdooner

I hear ya. For me I am bothered when others think they are trying to help me but not drinking around me. I know they care so I need to get over this but seeing others drink is not a trigger and I have let people know. When I feel like others are on eggshells because of me it bothers me.

When asked I simply look at the options and will either ask for a cranberry seltzer on the rocks, Perrier on the rocks or a water in that order. I have gotten past the point where I feel I need an excuse not to drink. If someone will ask (and this drives my wife nuts) I will say I don't drink anymore - was too good at it and like most things, I have checked it off on my bucket list and moved on...I am now interested in...this ether makes for a great conversation starter or an awkward bomb and I can move onto someone more interesting to get to know.

With the Holidays approaching, my calendar has filled for the next two months and I am thinking my lines will get polished off, so will report back in Jan to let you know how these strategies worked out:-)

KateL

Would love to hear about that I don't get out much but luckily the people I knock about with know, so it's never a big deal and I am never tempted in the slightest, thankfully xx

foolsgold66

Confront or get over it.

NorCal1970

I know exactly how you feel. This past Sunday I went over to my sister's house to watch football. There were a handful of people there and it seemed that because I was there everyone altered their drinking behavior. It made me feel uncomfortable and I wondered to myself if I was ruining their night.

MrTumble

Pretend you didn't hear the suggestion of juice and just ask them what they have. Then when they explain, simply say "what else do you have", and make them struggle to list every damn drink

family - "would you like a juice or soft drink kate"
kate - "what do you have?"
family - "oh we have... x... y....z..."
kate -"What else do you have?"
family - "errr a..b...c..."
kate -"anything else?"

Next time they will just ask, what do you want ;-)

KateL

Good one

NorCal1970

LOL, I love it MrTumble.

ScottFromWI

My thoughts exactly. You can't change how people act or how they think, so if it really bothers you either ignore it or don't hang out with them.

PhaseTwo

Can't wait until I'm offered juice or a soft drink. Everyone still offers me alcohol because they still think it's a temporary thing even though I've said it's not.

NorCal1970

I can totally relate PhaseTwo,

I get the same feeling from people that are around me. They think I am not serious and that eventually I will revert back to my old ways.