Dwelling on drinking
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
Dwelling on drinking
I've been sober 16 months. Haven't had a drop.
Problem is that the last two months I've been thinking of drinking all day. I talk myself out of it, because I'd be so disappointed and angry at myself not to mention my family and boss would be upset.
I've even gone to the store to price the cheapest vodka. Then sat and thought for a long time what I'd mix it with.
I've called my psychiatrist and told him so he prescribed naltrexone again. I'm not sure if it helped the last time I used it. We'll see.
My question is: What can I do to get out of this mindset? I don't want to ruin my sobriety and I know that if I start again it will be the death of me, literally.
Any help is appreciated.
Problem is that the last two months I've been thinking of drinking all day. I talk myself out of it, because I'd be so disappointed and angry at myself not to mention my family and boss would be upset.
I've even gone to the store to price the cheapest vodka. Then sat and thought for a long time what I'd mix it with.
I've called my psychiatrist and told him so he prescribed naltrexone again. I'm not sure if it helped the last time I used it. We'll see.
My question is: What can I do to get out of this mindset? I don't want to ruin my sobriety and I know that if I start again it will be the death of me, literally.
Any help is appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Dracut, MA
Posts: 17
I am new to this, so I am not sure if I would be much help. BUT, I wanted you to know that I feel your pain. It has been a week for me and it's all I think about. I keep reading books that help keep me motivated. I just read "Drinking: A Love Story", Allen Carr's "Quitting Drinking the Easyway," "Drunkard." I watched the movie Flight last night. I have read a few more books on the topic but I can't remember the titles. I could get them to you if you would like. This kind of thing helps me, I am not sure if it would you. Also, yoga, meditation, running help me as well. Just some thoughts from a newbie. Good luck, I am rooting for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
Thanks for the offer, very kind of you. I'll go to the library and get them. Wouldn't dream of you getting them to me.
The books will help I'm sure. That will give me something to occupy my mind. Thanks for the suggestions.
The books will help I'm sure. That will give me something to occupy my mind. Thanks for the suggestions.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Taking naltrexone now sounds like you are setting yourself up to drink. It's only effective if you drink right?
If you go to meetings, go.
If you have a sponsor, talk to them.
If you don't go to meetings, maybe you need to find one at a detox, so you can remember what it was like.
I'd be incredibly concerned that you are willing to throw away sixteen months.
If you go to meetings, go.
If you have a sponsor, talk to them.
If you don't go to meetings, maybe you need to find one at a detox, so you can remember what it was like.
I'd be incredibly concerned that you are willing to throw away sixteen months.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
Naltrexone is supposed to cut the cravings for alcohol. I took it in rehab and for about a two months after I got home and it seemed to work so I'm hopeful it will again.
I love AA, but haven't been to a meeting since about two months in. Unfortunately, people are allowed to smoke at the meetings and you could slice the air the smoke is so thick. My throat and lungs burned at the end of a meeting.
Since smoking in any public place is illegal in my state I wrote a letter to the board and was told they aren't planning to take up the subject of smoking in the near future.
Once I said something during a meeting and was snapped at and told to put the fan on me, which I had done with no results.
There is also a clique that goes to every meeting and they are very rude and insulting tearing anyone that wasn't in their group up after they talked. One man in particular was the meanest most negative person I've ever met.
I figured why go if I wasn't ever going to say anything after the first time I was belittled.
A new girl started work a month ago and I used to see her at the meetings. She quit going for the same reasons I did.
Since I live in a small place there are only two other meetings a week and each is about 20 miles from my home and don't coincide with my work schedule.
The next closest large city with lots of meetings is an hour drive from my home and I just can't afford the gas to make it back and forth.
It really is too bad that there isn't a feeling of community and compassion at the meetings because I miss it. It also helped me a lot.
I love AA, but haven't been to a meeting since about two months in. Unfortunately, people are allowed to smoke at the meetings and you could slice the air the smoke is so thick. My throat and lungs burned at the end of a meeting.
Since smoking in any public place is illegal in my state I wrote a letter to the board and was told they aren't planning to take up the subject of smoking in the near future.
Once I said something during a meeting and was snapped at and told to put the fan on me, which I had done with no results.
There is also a clique that goes to every meeting and they are very rude and insulting tearing anyone that wasn't in their group up after they talked. One man in particular was the meanest most negative person I've ever met.
I figured why go if I wasn't ever going to say anything after the first time I was belittled.
A new girl started work a month ago and I used to see her at the meetings. She quit going for the same reasons I did.
Since I live in a small place there are only two other meetings a week and each is about 20 miles from my home and don't coincide with my work schedule.
The next closest large city with lots of meetings is an hour drive from my home and I just can't afford the gas to make it back and forth.
It really is too bad that there isn't a feeling of community and compassion at the meetings because I miss it. It also helped me a lot.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: ON
Posts: 766
why dont you attend a business meeting at that group and bring up the issues.
in the meantime, call a supportive friend, try an online AA meeting.
I was on Naltrexone while i was quitting and didnt notice much of a difference when i did drink with it.
I still got hammered, sure i didnt feel the pleasureable buzz, but i wasnt drinking for the pleasure anyway
in the meantime, call a supportive friend, try an online AA meeting.
I was on Naltrexone while i was quitting and didnt notice much of a difference when i did drink with it.
I still got hammered, sure i didnt feel the pleasureable buzz, but i wasnt drinking for the pleasure anyway
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Slouching toward Bethlehem
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by jade2112 
Naltrexone is supposed to cut the cravings for alcohol. I took it in rehab and for about a two months after I got home and it seemed to work so I'm hopeful it will again.
I'm not the guy who's going to knock Naltrexone as a doomed "easier and softer way," by the way. I do think it was very helpful for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 51
My home life is very stressful at the moment and I want to be drunk so I don't have to deal with things I think.
My son and his girlfriend have lived with us the past four years, except for a three month period where they lived with a friend.
While in rehab I decided not to come home because my son is an opiate addict,his girlfriend is a benzo addict (As well as I.), and my husband is addicted to weed and alcohol. The four of us fed off each other. The situation was awful.
The counselor at rehab helped me arrange an apartment for myself and I filed for divorce. My husband took it hard.
When I returned from rehab they had no phone, cable, or electricity, and the rent was overdue. He honestly can't take care of himself. I knew this before I left and my older son was paying the bills at first, but grew tired of taking care of his father and gave the checkbook back.
I've no idea what he did with all his money as he had nothing to show for it. I suspect he spent it on drugs and alcohol.
He begged and begged me to come back, but I refused to until my son and his girlfriend were gone. They finally went to live with a friend and were gone for three months. I moved home and canceled the divorce. I regret doing so now.
The roommate was a violent drunk and opiate addict and took a bad dislike to my son's girlfriend to the point she couldn't be alone with him.
Of course, they didn't pay bills and ended up having no electricity, water, gas, and never paid the rent.
My son asked if they could come back and since you don't turn your back on your kids we let them with the caveat that they leave in a month. This has now stretched to seven months.
Our house is small with only one bedroom. With all their crap the only choice was to let them have the bedroom so my husband has been sleeping in a recliner and I on the sofa this whole time.
My son is on methadone and his girlfriend is clean now. My husband continues with his addictions.
My husband and I are now at each others throats. We give them deadlines and ultimatums and they blow us off saying they can't afford to get a place and pay the rent and utilities.
I understand that, because my son has bad checks and tickets he's working on paying off besides his car note. Nonetheless they have to go.They haven't given us a dime to help out the last four years.
Between the both of them they have the maturity of a 15 year old. She's 33 and doesn't have her kids being able to only see them Sundays from noon to six. The stupidity with her is astounding.
She's the type to stick her head in the sand about problems, therefore they don't get taken care of and snowball in to major crises. Her paychecks are almost nonexistent with all the child support, back child support, and court fees deducted from her check too.
I want to leave so bad, but haven't the money to do so. I'm waiting until I get my tax return. I'm never coming back this time. My husband will have to sink or swim without me.
After writing all that I see that this is surely the reason I want to get blindingly drunk all the time. I have to get away.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.
My son and his girlfriend have lived with us the past four years, except for a three month period where they lived with a friend.
While in rehab I decided not to come home because my son is an opiate addict,his girlfriend is a benzo addict (As well as I.), and my husband is addicted to weed and alcohol. The four of us fed off each other. The situation was awful.
The counselor at rehab helped me arrange an apartment for myself and I filed for divorce. My husband took it hard.
When I returned from rehab they had no phone, cable, or electricity, and the rent was overdue. He honestly can't take care of himself. I knew this before I left and my older son was paying the bills at first, but grew tired of taking care of his father and gave the checkbook back.
I've no idea what he did with all his money as he had nothing to show for it. I suspect he spent it on drugs and alcohol.
He begged and begged me to come back, but I refused to until my son and his girlfriend were gone. They finally went to live with a friend and were gone for three months. I moved home and canceled the divorce. I regret doing so now.
The roommate was a violent drunk and opiate addict and took a bad dislike to my son's girlfriend to the point she couldn't be alone with him.
Of course, they didn't pay bills and ended up having no electricity, water, gas, and never paid the rent.
My son asked if they could come back and since you don't turn your back on your kids we let them with the caveat that they leave in a month. This has now stretched to seven months.
Our house is small with only one bedroom. With all their crap the only choice was to let them have the bedroom so my husband has been sleeping in a recliner and I on the sofa this whole time.
My son is on methadone and his girlfriend is clean now. My husband continues with his addictions.
My husband and I are now at each others throats. We give them deadlines and ultimatums and they blow us off saying they can't afford to get a place and pay the rent and utilities.
I understand that, because my son has bad checks and tickets he's working on paying off besides his car note. Nonetheless they have to go.They haven't given us a dime to help out the last four years.
Between the both of them they have the maturity of a 15 year old. She's 33 and doesn't have her kids being able to only see them Sundays from noon to six. The stupidity with her is astounding.
She's the type to stick her head in the sand about problems, therefore they don't get taken care of and snowball in to major crises. Her paychecks are almost nonexistent with all the child support, back child support, and court fees deducted from her check too.
I want to leave so bad, but haven't the money to do so. I'm waiting until I get my tax return. I'm never coming back this time. My husband will have to sink or swim without me.
After writing all that I see that this is surely the reason I want to get blindingly drunk all the time. I have to get away.
Sorry this is so long. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
You have your plate full. This is a rough situation. It is great that you have a plan to get free. And that you didn't drink, yet.
Could you approach the girl,from work,that you saw at the meeting and suggest that you car pool to one of the meetings an hour away? I don't know if you get along with her but it sounds like it could be a girls night out? That way you get a meeting and get a break from the toxic environment at home.
As for your son and his girlfriend, it is your house. Why should they have the bedroom and you get the sofa? Especially since they aren't helping out. Make it as uncomfortable for them as possible in quite the nicest way.
Hang in there. Tax return season is just around the corner.
Could you approach the girl,from work,that you saw at the meeting and suggest that you car pool to one of the meetings an hour away? I don't know if you get along with her but it sounds like it could be a girls night out? That way you get a meeting and get a break from the toxic environment at home.
As for your son and his girlfriend, it is your house. Why should they have the bedroom and you get the sofa? Especially since they aren't helping out. Make it as uncomfortable for them as possible in quite the nicest way.
Hang in there. Tax return season is just around the corner.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Indiana
Posts: 706
Hiya Jade!
Why don't you get in touch with the other girl that left AA and start your own group? I'm sure some non-smokers would join you. It's been said: The only two things you need to start an AA group is a resentment and a coffee pot!
Zube
Why don't you get in touch with the other girl that left AA and start your own group? I'm sure some non-smokers would join you. It's been said: The only two things you need to start an AA group is a resentment and a coffee pot!
Zube
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I learned to separate my 'self' from drinking thoughts, and I did this by deciding I was done drinking for good, it was just never going to happen. So these drinking thoughts were like bees buzzing around me, and I was afraid of getting stung, of drinking, and getting lost all over again.
When I understood that I really could make this stick, that I had the power to quit drinking, the bees all lost their stingers. The thoughts of drinking no longer scared me and I could do whatever I wanted with them, it didn't matter. And then they pretty much disappeared.
We can't control our thoughts but we can certainly choose the ones we dwell on.
When I understood that I really could make this stick, that I had the power to quit drinking, the bees all lost their stingers. The thoughts of drinking no longer scared me and I could do whatever I wanted with them, it didn't matter. And then they pretty much disappeared.
We can't control our thoughts but we can certainly choose the ones we dwell on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Bellingham
Posts: 513
For me, it's mainly a question of remembering how bad it was, how there was little joy or escape to be had. It's easy to forget. It's kind of like recalling exactly what it feels like to have the flu. You can't exactly evoke those feelings unless they are recent. You have to read about it, do something that reminds you.
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