onedayatatime31

Im currently living at a SLE that enforces a zero tolerance policy and similarly to many other towns the recovery circuit is a closely related bunch of people. With that said it would not currently be very wise to disclose my relapse with anyone in the area, considering I wish to stay sober.

I've been trying to get sober now on and off for the last 10 years. While I mainly stayed drunk through my twenties I did experience short periods of sobriety. I moved around quite a bit and most likely without "putting my roots down," and establishing healthy routines for long periods of time amongst like minded peers, I found alcohol and drugs to be my solution.

So most recently, this time, I decided to go through a 30 day program incare rehab. It did provide me with some tools and a safe environment to dry out and heal a little bit. Moved into an SLE after insurance kicked me out a few days short of 30 days, and then moved into another SLE being that I ride a bike and this place was closer to town.

I most recently got a job, very far from a glamorous job and it is working a swing shift. So my meeting schedule changed. I knew right away that I was not interested in working the job for any length of time, so as alcoholics and addicts do I dropped a lot of meetings, to try to stay more focused on finding another job, and I was spending a fair amount of time exercising and eating right. I had new ambitions to go back to school which I still may. My brain was firing on all 4 cylinders, perhaps sometimes my brain working again, was a little overwhelming and provided some anxiety. I somewhat stopped reaching out to people. My actions were selfish and fear based.

Im not especially stoked on the SLE but it could be a lot worse. Ive received a lot of help from family and feel guilty about relapsing. I fear that I wont be able to tell anyone about my relapse for a little while. Regardless something wasn't working, the meetings that I was going to were sort of depressing. The night meetings generally seem to be more engaging involving more people my own age. Then again I dont think its a good idea to quit my job so Im just trying to make the best of it.

One thing I would like to share to hopefully provide some support to someone was the absolute horror of the hangover that proceeded. Super dehydrated I couldn't hold anything down. My brain felt like I was being knocked on by a baseball bat. Physically I can't do it anymore and that was just after 2 pints of whisky. Im still sort of recovering today, just dont have much energy. It's amaizing I used to drink that poison on a daily basis. At a time when I don't feel I have a lot of time or money to throw away, relapsing sure didn't help. Unfortunately the buzz I got from the first night and conversations with strangers did help out but in the long run it didn't work and I know it doesn't work. Alcohol is not an adequate solution. I know I rambled on quite a bit however it felt good to get that off my chest.

I hope everyone who wishes to be sober has an easy time maintaining there sobriety. However; from what I have seen this is generally not the case.

IOAA2

Hi. My recovery in the beginning was very difficult until I started to do things that successful people suggested. I didn't do well following directions because I found out that I thought I knew all the answers. Swimming upstream is wearing and there is no guarantee we can survive.

BE WELL

Brian316

Sorry to hear about this oneday, if it's any consolation you did help talk me out of a potential relapse earlier. I relate to what you are saying man, I am dead broke also but the insanity of my alcoholism was rationalizing spending my cigarette and get to work money on booze earlier. Even though my sobriety rests on my shoulders a lot of people trust and have faith in me right now and I'd really feel like sh!t if I let them down. I hope you can shake the negativity of the hangover and get back to recovery soon!

Toronto68

I imagine you have thought of this already, but don't allow yourself to think too much about the "next steps" and what to tell so-and-so, etc. I mean, I know you are thinking of that due to the living arrangement, but it's a good idea not to allow that kind of mindset to permeate everything, so that you are taking yourself outside of the present too much.

Also focus on what has been right in the periods when you were sober. (Has everything been "right"?) Give yourself credit for doing the right thing and working at it again, especially when you stick to what does work.

Hang in there.

KateL

You can do it. Took me years. Never give up xxx