Try18

I am seriously hating myself right now. At the end of day 1 again. I am feeling so sad and hopeless.

chrissp

Look forward to Day 2!

Caldus

What are you going to do different this time? We alcoholics need some kind of alternative to the drinking we used to do all the time. There are many different programs out there. I go to AA myself. We certainly can't sit around and "white knuckle" it.

Try18

I am going to AA first thing in the morning. All my lies are just doing my head in and i feel like it has caught up with me. I need to reach out and be honest.

Bostonsportsfan

I relapsed too and feel horrible. Just feel like so much progress down the drain.

Try18

I just phoned The Samaritans and had a good chat. In denial about so much and saying it out loud to a total stranger was oddly relieving. Also managed to cry which I've obviously been seriously suppressing as I didn't know those tears were waiting to come.

LadyinBC

You are not the only person who has relapses and you won't be the last. I think most of have been where you are at one time or another. I know I certainly have.

Hating yourself and feeling hopeless is exactly what our AV wants us to do. This journey is not easy, don't let your AV win. Hate the disease not yourself. I truly believe that every single one of us has a strength deep inside that we think we don't have. It is there. We have to find it and fight our AV so that we can hang on to it.

MeSoSober

Not if you learn from your relapse. Why you did it and what you can do to prevent it.

I had five months' sobriety between April and September, then leapt off the wagon and stayed off for two months. I drank again on purpose, then used the broken sobriety streak to drink again, and again, all the time thinking I'd seriously recommit to sobriety any day. There was never a question in my mind that I WOULD seriously recommit, but I kept procrastinating. Stupid.

But I like to think I learned something from the experience. That I might take for granted that in the wake of a "slip," I'll get right on the wagon. Uh, nope. At least not necessarily. In fact my addled brain basically used the relapse as a reason to keep doing it. Lesson 1. I really, really, REALLY can't get complacent, and that my sobriety has to truly REMAIN A PRIORITY, even after several months' sober. Lesson 2. Keeping my sobriety a priority will require EFFORT. Consistent, daily (or near-daily) effort. Lesson 3.

I don't want to say that it was good that it happened, but I really feel like I got something out of my relapse and that because it happened after I was five months sober, it emphasized how dangerous alcohol is for me and how I must always make the effort to prioritize sobriety.

And those five months' sober? No one can take that away from me. Maybe because I had five months' sober, I didn't kill myself or someone else, end up in jail, hurt my loved ones even more, etc.

THE SOBER TIME ALWAYS COUNTS. Or so I believe. Now quit with the self-flagellation.

Try18

Just phoned The AA helpline too as my head is really noisy. Amazingly the woman that answered had a remarkably similar story to mine and is going to the same meeting i have arranged to attend tomorrow. I am seriously desperate, time to do things differently.

MeSoSober

It sounds like you are doing all the right things -- go you!!! Well done! You should feel good about the effort you're making!

Like the sign says, Keep Calm and Carry On.

Try18

Bless you, thankyou for the support. Meeting starts at 10am and it is already 3.15 here,.dont see myself getting much sleep tonight!!

EndGameNYC

Good for you. And welcome back.

It only gets better from here.

Hawkeye13

Hi Try--thinking of you and hope the meeting goes well.

Good for you for changing your approach and doing something else.
With your determination, you will certainly get there.

I had lots of relapses early on but just keep getting on the horse and finally I stayed on.
If I can do it, you can too. We are all rooting for you

Mountainmanbob

that's a great new starting place

good luck wished for you
from
Mountainman

dirk626

How ya doing Try18? Remember this is a car without reverse. You don't go back. You drank, it's over. Now you move forward and continue on your journey to create the life you owe yourself and those you love. If I go on a diet (which I should) I might go two weeks just fine, but then I slip up and eat bad one day. What happens? I say I blew the diet and use that as an excuse to overeat for the next two weeks and gain three pounds. What I should have done is say oopps, and pick up where I left off. Of course any weight I loose on a diet is only temporary. I need to change my lifestyle and my mind to become a healthy weight and to stay there. I can never win through willpower!

wiscsober

I know it is hard to be positive after relapses....but that shame and guilt keeps us drunk. We need to shake off that heavy cloak...and never give up.

Try18

The meeting was great. I was definitely meant to be there. So many people I've know over the years were there and I felt very loved and supported. I am going to another one tonight xxx

HeadLump

Well done, Try. It certainly sounds like you found a warm welcome there. So good to hear such positive news

Try18

Thankyou

newman23

Glad to hear the meeting went well! I can relate, and have just started to work AA myself. I exchanged numbers with people and I actually got a call today inviting me to go with some people from my home group to a meeting. I wasn't expecting it at all, but so far I really enjoy the friendliness and openness I've experienced so far. Hope that continues to work out for you as well