MaxxPower

What's Up Everyone,

I've read on here that you can relapse before you even put the bottle to your mouth - so I hope this isn't whats happening.

My latest thoughts..

Ever since I was a little tyke, I've always got a kick out of doing something ''Bad''.

I'm not going to lie, when there comes that time again, when hanging out with women that are partying/drinking and having a good time, I WILL crack and drink. Ashamed to admit it, but i like having one night stands.

I guess a heavy drinking night NOW on special drinking events( holidays/new years/weddings. Would be my way of doing something ''Bad''.

Thinking that maybe I relapsed already?and its inevitable? been sober for 105 days...Its feels like these thoughts are almost set like stone in my head, and its going to happen. (especially on holiday trips!)

I'm terrified cause I don't want know how to control these bad thoughts.

My Doctor told me absolutely no more alcohol,(pancreas) but the stupid side of me thinks I can pull this off once and awhile.

Shocked that these thoughts are still so strong in my head...even after the threat of death!

And I do enjoy life, love my family, and want to live.

Life is throwing me allot of curve balls right now..

Don't know if i'm winning or loosing.

advice? been depressed lately also.



















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PhaseTwo

There's nothing inevitable about it, if you don't pick up the drink you won't relapse. There are things I still miss too but there are way more things I Definately don't miss. If you ask any alcoholic who picked up drinking again you won't hear any of them say it was a good decision.

Johnston

Maxx,

Man oh man do I relate. Scary that in the back of mind I romance a night of booze and broads. Luckily age has conspired to make the likelihood of the former ever smaller, day by day. BTW, I also suffered from pancreatitis. Not fun. Focus on that.

EndGameNYC

Thoughts, feelings and fantasies are all very different from taking action.

As long as we don't take responsibility for what we actually do, we remain enslaved by our impulses.

If you're intent on acting out on your impulses -- and I'm not getting that you are -- then the only thing left is to hold yourself accountable for the consequences. And there are always consequences.

SoberSamaritan

I do it too. I think "IF I could just get a fifth or a case of beer..." I've been told several times that we begin our relapse months before we actually take a drink. So- don't booby trap your sobriety with your thinking. It ISN'T too late. Do you have a fire plan as some say? In other words, what do you do to prevent relapsing? Start doing it now. Expressing yourself on the forum is a good start! Now maybe call someone who is in a program and is clean/sober. Get to a meeting. Keep doing something to stay sober. Fight my friend! My daily sobriety is daily work. Do the work Maxx.

MaxxPower

This is the number one thing that completely jeopardizes my sobriety...

Seriously, for me, some women could completely screw over my no drinking streak - in a second.

I'm a sucker for pretty faces..

EndGameNYC

As I suggested, you're playing a dangerous game by placing your sobriety in other people's hands.

MaxxPower

for now I just don't go out at all..

TrixMixer

Hi Maxx,

Funny you were the kinda guy I was looking for when I was clubbing! Sounds ok for a guy to say "night of booze and broads", but now I have to live with knowing I was one of those "broads". At he time I used to think it was my looks, wit, charm, and dance moves....come on we all thing "we're all that" when we are in that drunken haze...We are just too cool to be passed up!

Well --flip side --booze is not a man's friend when it comes to getting past first base. How can someone so cool , charm you into thinking they will be the greatest "One Night Stand" you've ever had?? But we "drunk women" keep hoping, well actually we just don't care, we are just too into our own drunkeness to know wth is going on.

Boy, hearing me say this now makes me wonder how I survived the 80's.
I was actually a" one night stand"--lovely, and here I thought it was just that I looked that spectacular, LOL.

All I can say is Thank God I am here today to tell you ....DO NOT LET THAT BRAIN SPECIALIST (ALCOHOL) start calling you to go out and party. Hang up and run for your life. Don't you know by now we are nothing more than slobbering idiots that find other slobbering idiots, who are drunk enough to actually give a real loser a "mercy mission".

Believe me admitting this kind of behavior has not been my finest moment, but admitting I was smart enough to know what a cheap drunk I was ......well that was and is my finest moment and sobriety has helped me feel pity for those who still choose to think "they are All That)

A former -one -night-stand....who looked nothing like that pink and purple cat avatar.
Well come to think of it I could have worn a "Pnk and Purple" cat suit--after all it was the Disco 80's, I think I may have even looked kinda cute, LOL!

Sincerely,
TrixMixer

P.S.

Remember 105 days without a drink--don't answer Alcohol eventually it will give up calling!!!---Looking for another "One-Night-Stand". Problem is there will always be someone else to anser the call, just don't let it be you. Men are not good when they are "drunk".

sincerely

MaxxPower

Trix,


I actually like to consider myself a ''slobbering moron" - not idiot..thank you very much.

Can see why LUST is one of the seven deadly sins...

I just don't know how to live without it in the future.

It was always something to look forward too..

An adventure, just another great add on too my life.

Just so bored lately..even with all my activities.

Feels like I gotta hide..just to keep the booze out of my body.

TrixMixer

Wow! I apologize , Maxx. Did not know you had that preference, but good to know., LOL!

I am curious to know why you think sex, lust and alcohol are a threesome?
Wonder how all the Non-alcoholics would define their sex life . They seem to do ok. I know what you mean , I think drinking heightened the excitement of sex --the foreplay at a bar so to speak. Did it make the sex itself better--only you can answer that.

I assure you You can still have all the Pretty Faces you want even without alcohol-----yes, it does happen. I met my husband as a drunk, got sober , and still had great sex. We are still together and very happy. It can happen to you--dreams do come true. In the meantime , unless you are a total Toad and need to look for drunk women, cause that's the only way anyone will have sex with you....well I think you are looking in ALL the wrong places.

God to listen to you it is like if you live a sober life you become a celibate priest--I don't think that is how it works. Alcohol just gives you a false sense of courage to approach women--it does not make the sex with them something to write a book about. That kind of thinking will sabotage your sobriety. I mean if you think you will never have sex again because you're sober--well maybe there is something more at work that just the drinking.

Go to a Gym--believe me it is not a bar, but plenty of great looking women....and they are not drunk.

Good luck Friend,
Trix--and I am not trying to be a wise a--, just trying to let you know there is life even sex after you solidify your sobriety. We can make a bet if you like??

BackToSquareOne

Before every binge or bender I always had the subliminal thought going on that somehow it would be different this time. I actually believed I'd be able to control it, rarely worked out that way tho.

MaxxPower

Because when I drink(on holiday/parties.. usually sex/lust just comes along with it - its mostly always for the better. Ive been with some beautiful women in my life, and did some things I thought id never be able to experience..I KNOW it cause of the booze..and where it brought me.

Its all just went with my life. I feel that if don't drink sometimes..ill miss out on experiences/opportunities. Just like how you met you husband while drinking. I could meet my wife while at a wedding drinking etc..

I'm not looking for a girl at the moment...as I sorta have a girlfriend right now.

Don't think she will be the ''one'' though..so im still actively having sex/ along with going to the gym and my hobbies.

Just thinking about the future, and how I will get through this kinda of thinking around parties and such without drinking.

It seems impossible.

TrixMixer

I get it Maxx. You are probably a really good looking guy also. That makes the drinking, partying, sex thing even more intoxicating.

I lived for parties, clubs, events anywhere there would be men and good times. I was one of the lucky ones too who had the looks that allowed me to get whatever I want. It was such a rush for me to get ready to go out because of the excitement of who I might meet and being the center of attention. Even blessed with good looks, grate body, great career etc, I was still soooooo insecure that I needed alcohol to feel good about myself.

Believe me I understand you more than you know. The thought of letting go of that "Rush" scared the hell out of me. I thought I would become this meek little wall flower that would just be ignored instead of being the center of attention.

If I may I would like to share a story with you that may resonate. There was this guy who was always at the center of the club scene . He was gorgeous, funny, charming, sexy, and always dressed to kill. We were drinking buddies. Of course the beautiful people. After I got sober I ran into him , still at the same clubs, still drinking....but the looks were bloated, the Italian custom suits were now too tight , his charm was more sloppy, and his wit-when you could understand him , was just slurred jibberish. This was 2 years after I got sober , so he was 35--he was also younger than me.

The point of this story is he was STILL looking in the mirror seeing the guy he ONCE was, and probably could not figure out why he was not the lady killer he once was. Alcohol had caught up with him as it always does. I sat with him for a while and he could not belive I had quit drinking, but I found out in that 2 hour conversation--I was the Lucky One, and he still had to face his demons, it was a very sad time for me. The end of the story is for another day, but you only have ONE chance at your life--please do not waste it by going back to that "Oh so Cool Guy" who is really only that way in his own mind.

Find how life can really be a gift and live it sober free until the end, You will meet that special one, and also have lots of fun in that search Trust me!

Would a purple and pink stripped cat lie to you? Come on look at that smile, eh?

Sincerely,
Trix the cat

PhaseTwo

It was tough for me to get used to approaching women I've never me before when not drinking. All you can do is keep doing it until it goes from feeling awkward to natural.

Bostonsportsfan

I understand your thinking Max. It's something we all consider in early sobriety. We all still want to hang onto drinking anyway we can even if it means lying to ourselves. There are some former alcoholics who can moderate their drinking and live a normal live where alcohol doesn't control it, but a lot of us can't.

I've had the same thoughts. I feel like at some point I will break and end up drinking, but for now I'm trying to stay sober and maybe as time goes on my mind will change. Early sobriety is a confusing time and not all your thoughts are rational or a good idea.

Good luck. I hope the best for you.

TrixMixer

NO, NO, NO, don't think this Boston. You are doing the only thing an ALCOHOLIC can do and that is NEVER drink. Drinking in MODERATION does not exist for the true Alcoholic, it is just a way of justifying relapse.

You are doing great and have the right mindset. There is no moderate drinking in alcoholism, period! So you are the stronger one for not giving into that urge and only fooling yourself.

Stay strong Boston,
Trix

Bostonsportsfan

I know what you mean. Alcohol/partying/sex all just go hand and hand. I wouldn't have gotten with most of the girls I've been with if it wasn't for booze.

Bostonsportsfan

I plan to stay strong, but can't deny what my mind thinks. It thinks I could control my drinking, even though I probably can't. As I said I plan to stay sober and the longer I'm sober the less I'll even think I can drink normal or want to drink.

BackToSquareOne

It definately took my fears and inhibitions away, at least at first in my early drinking years. A metamorphosis took place when I had just enough alcohol in my system, problem was I kept losing control over the amount and also the changes that occurred. I went from anxious, unsure, nervous to large and in charge, take no prisoners once my magic potient took effect.

Doesn't it seem that the mind tends to remember the positive parts of the drinking experience while blocking out the bad aspects. It's as if the good parts are like hungry animals waiting to burst out of their cage to get fed and the bad parts get filed away somewhere in the recesses of our memory.