Weeping
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Weeping
I have been weeping for the past hour. I cannot see what I am typing.
I told my mother during the screaming match today that I was moving out. My dad said "typical alcoholic behaviour, running away".
I cannot take much more of this. I had a slip last week, but in reality what I did was give my mother another stick to beat me with. My therapist said he is not that surprised that I slipped.
I am now on day 7. My mom had another meltdown about how her life would be perfect if it wasn't for us. She told my dad that she wanted a divorce and she was really screaming at both of us. He grabbed her shoulders and she is accusing him of hitting her. (I don't think he did.) I told my mother that I hated her when she told me she wished my sister and I had never been born. I am still crying now.
I am packing some books and clothes to go to my Grans for a few days. I am broken and I am giving up.
I am still looking for a sponsor. What to do when you hate yourself and what should I do? What to do when your family is broken?
I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live.
The cravings are very strong now...and the atmosphere is poisonous...
I told my mother during the screaming match today that I was moving out. My dad said "typical alcoholic behaviour, running away".
I cannot take much more of this. I had a slip last week, but in reality what I did was give my mother another stick to beat me with. My therapist said he is not that surprised that I slipped.
I am now on day 7. My mom had another meltdown about how her life would be perfect if it wasn't for us. She told my dad that she wanted a divorce and she was really screaming at both of us. He grabbed her shoulders and she is accusing him of hitting her. (I don't think he did.) I told my mother that I hated her when she told me she wished my sister and I had never been born. I am still crying now.
I am packing some books and clothes to go to my Grans for a few days. I am broken and I am giving up.
I am still looking for a sponsor. What to do when you hate yourself and what should I do? What to do when your family is broken?
I can't do this anymore. I don't want to live.
The cravings are very strong now...and the atmosphere is poisonous...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I feel for you, having to go trough this and trying to remain sober.
But please try to remember that drinking will only make things worst.
That is one of my issue, I learned to deal with life problems by have a few. now 20 years later, I lack the skills to deal with life's problems.
Keep posting and stay strong!
But please try to remember that drinking will only make things worst.
That is one of my issue, I learned to deal with life problems by have a few. now 20 years later, I lack the skills to deal with life's problems.
Keep posting and stay strong!
AA member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: United Kingdom.
Posts: 3,007
Sorry Tetra,what an awful way to live.Going to your Grandmother's is good
Get to a meeting as soon as you can,have you got someone in mind to ask to sponsor you?
Don't take a drink whatever happens.
Get to a meeting as soon as you can,have you got someone in mind to ask to sponsor you?
Don't take a drink whatever happens.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6,223
Sorry to hear of this Tetra....but sounds like the move to Grans is a good thing...of utmost is not to drink it will only make things worse...and you will feel terrible....I know
Keep posting and stay close....take care of yourself.
Keep posting and stay close....take care of yourself.
Realising my life
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Dorset, England
Posts: 3,656
Oh, Tetra! 
Having read many of your posts, I do think it will be good for you to go to your Gran's - and maybe for more than a few days.
But please fight the urge to drink now. You know it won't help in any way and you are already at 7 days - that's fantastic
You have an opportunity now to show them all what you're made of - as well as thousands of people on here giving you their full support. Grab it tight and don't let go! 
Having read many of your posts, I do think it will be good for you to go to your Gran's - and maybe for more than a few days.But please fight the urge to drink now. You know it won't help in any way and you are already at 7 days - that's fantastic
You have an opportunity now to show them all what you're made of - as well as thousands of people on here giving you their full support. Grab it tight and don't let go! Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Hi too have been reading your posts. Get out of there!!! Run for your life!!!
Your mother sounds EXTREMELY borderline and HIGHLY toxic. I would love it if your dad just stuck up for you and you both got away together.
So, so glad you will be spending time at your Grandmother's home. I hope you can stay there for as long as you like or need.
Congratulations on day 7. Don't give up!!!
My best to you!
Your mother sounds EXTREMELY borderline and HIGHLY toxic. I would love it if your dad just stuck up for you and you both got away together.
So, so glad you will be spending time at your Grandmother's home. I hope you can stay there for as long as you like or need.
Congratulations on day 7. Don't give up!!!
My best to you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Dear Tetra;
I've been reading your posts for awhile and it seems like you have a pretty unhealthy and toxic relationship with you parents.
To give yourself the best chance of recovery, what do you need to do to stay apart for as long as it takes for you to be more stable in your sobriety? While at your grandmothers can you see what kind of government support you might qualify for, look for some wage work, find a roommate situation or something?
It doesn't seem to be working out at the family home. Don't you think it is time to make some other plans? I know I could never have stayed sober living with my mother.
My thoughts are with you.
I've been reading your posts for awhile and it seems like you have a pretty unhealthy and toxic relationship with you parents.
To give yourself the best chance of recovery, what do you need to do to stay apart for as long as it takes for you to be more stable in your sobriety? While at your grandmothers can you see what kind of government support you might qualify for, look for some wage work, find a roommate situation or something?
It doesn't seem to be working out at the family home. Don't you think it is time to make some other plans? I know I could never have stayed sober living with my mother.
My thoughts are with you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Poconos PA
Posts: 1,544
As my Counselor would tell you, "You are not recovering from Alcohol, you are recovering from your parents." Get to Grans and consider an extended stay there. That house right now is more toxic to you than drinking is.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 46
Your parents sound like assholes. I believe in compassion, very strongly, but I have come to believe that certain people you meet in life are just selfish morons. The pain you are feeling is experienced by "non-assholes", ie those of us who desire peace and do not wish harm on others but somehow seem to attract it, I suspect its part of evolution. You owe it to yourself and to the world at large to leave them where they are and find other living arrangements. You sound like a good person, you can do some good in the world, but you have to get the hell out of there. Rooting for you.x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Out in the Sticks
Posts: 1,788
It seems like ,if we have ever made a mistake ,Some people keep bringing it up ,
People that belittle others ,they are the ones with the real problem .
Had someone one time tell me "You are a drunk ",I replied yes im a drunk ,but I can quit ,but you are still doomed to a life of stupidity ".
People that belittle others ,they are the ones with the real problem .
Had someone one time tell me "You are a drunk ",I replied yes im a drunk ,but I can quit ,but you are still doomed to a life of stupidity ".
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 190
That sounds rough. I remember the days when my mom and stepdad would fight constantly and man was it stressful. Don't take that remark about "typical alcoholic running away" to heart. I moved the hell out of that house, and I am so glad I did. Sounds like it would be a good move for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ontario
Posts: 392
Tetra,
I am so glad to hear that you are leaving that awful environment! I know that it must be incredibly painful and scary. But you are saving your own life. It is as simple and as serious as that. What your dad said was hurtful but I suspect the reason he said such a thing was because he is absolutely terrified of being alone with your mother.
Get out as fast as you can and don't look back!
You can have the life you want, you deserve so much more than you have ever known.
(((HUG)))
I am so glad to hear that you are leaving that awful environment! I know that it must be incredibly painful and scary. But you are saving your own life. It is as simple and as serious as that. What your dad said was hurtful but I suspect the reason he said such a thing was because he is absolutely terrified of being alone with your mother.
Get out as fast as you can and don't look back!
You can have the life you want, you deserve so much more than you have ever known.
(((HUG)))
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