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Old 11-05-2013, 07:19 AM
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Scared

Hi all. I'm new here. I'm fresh out of detox (read my story in the intro thread). Not even a week yet. But I haven't had a drink since the 25th of last month.

Right now, I'm handling not drinking pretty well. I look at my bruises from the hospital (from IVs and fighting the nurses), and just say "Wow. What did I freaking do?" And I have belly issues from drinking. And on meds for it and I hate taking pills. But if I don't, I'll be in major pain. And what I did to those nurses makes me sad for them and mad at myself (I'm going to visit them in the hospital on my own will and apologize to them on Friday). These things are putting off the cravings a bit.

Like I said. I do have cravings. BUT I don't have a car (in the shop), and my husband drives his to work (we live in the middle of nowhere). So I can't just jump in the car and drive to the liquor store and buy a bottle at the moment. What's going to happen when I get my car back and a craving hits? I'm not working at the moment, and I used to have "spiked" coffee in the morning, and, at least, a pint at night.

I was also what they call a "fructional drunk." I could drink but still fuction normally if I had to, and I did. Yes, even at work, which was dangerous, because I am a machinist. I'm scared to do that again. I lost too many jobs over it. Not to mention, another DWI (got one 4 years ago).
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Old 11-05-2013, 07:46 AM
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Welcome back from detox. Been there quite a few times. Cravings are funny; they seem so powerful while we're in the midst of their grip but shrink to insignificance when they dissipate. Ignore them, they pass and have no power over you. I promise that after awhile they decrease in both frequency and magnitude.

As far as thinking of yourself as a "functional drunk", lose the term. It's doing you no good except making you feels less bad about your alcohol problems. Functional people don't get DWIs, lose jobs, fight nurses, work on dangerous machinery when drunk or spike their coffee in the morning. Functional people seldom wind up in detox.

That term and my embracing it led to a couple extra years of drinking, problems and ultimately the complete loss of "function".
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Old 11-05-2013, 11:31 AM
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PPQ75,

So glad you made it here. I also have hospital detox in my history for drugs and lots of burned bridges and lost jobs. After the drugs I started using alcohol, which to me is just another drug.

Like you I called myself functional...went to work, took care of son and went through the motions. But the truth is I was never more dysfunctional. I was high on the job a lot and could have killed someone there or on the road while driving.

Also I sympathize with your health problems...my drugging and drinking have left me with a few as well. But the human body's ability to heal itself is truly amazing!

If you get a craving and start to think about going out for alcohol stop for a sec and remember what your last detox and withdrawals felt like. That usually makes me pause long enough for what's left of my "good sense" to kick in LOL!

Best of luck to you and think about trying AA if there are meetings close by...

TW
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Old 11-05-2013, 11:53 AM
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I recommend finding an A.A. Meeting and going to it. Get a Sponsor so you have someone to call when you are feeling weak. Find your Higher Power and turn your powerlessness over Alcohol to Him (or Her).
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Old 11-05-2013, 12:27 PM
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Originally Posted by TiredWolf View Post
PPQ75,

If you get a craving and start to think about going out for alcohol stop for a sec and remember what your last detox and withdrawals felt like. That usually makes me pause long enough for what's left of my "good sense" to kick in LOL!

Best of luck to you and think about trying AA if there are meetings close by...

TW
That's a thought. My last detox was NOT a pleasant one. I would not want to go through that again.

As far as A.A., I'm not religious. Most of those meetings are. I'll pass on the meetings. I have people in my life that wanted me to quit in the first place, and that will support me through this in a heartbeat. They started to do so when I was in detox, which helped me a lot through it.
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Old 11-05-2013, 02:52 PM
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Have you considered a program of recovery? I tried to quit on my own countless times with various plans. Take a class, go to the gym, move, don't move, take a vacation, don't take a vacation, read a self-help book, throw out all the booze, lock up all the booze, change my friends, etc, etc. The list went on. None of my efforts worked.

Finally I took it seriously enough to look for a program. I started with an outpatient program and then eventually AA. There are lots of things you can try, outpatient, inpatient, AA, non-AA. Take it from me: nothing really improved until I put the effort into a program.
Alcoholism was the most serious problem in my life, actually, the most serious problem I ever had in my entire life. Quitting was quite a job, and it wasn't easy. But when you are tackling the most serious, life threatening problem you have, well, it's going to take a little bit of work and commitment.
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Old 11-05-2013, 03:28 PM
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Hi PPQ,
I think if you have taken the time to register here and post you are taking the next stage of your recovery. I never went into a detox program but it sounds messed up. I guess you would be feeling pretty raw now.
Keep sober. You may feel like crap but imagine how you will feel after another binge.
I can't add more than the others except that AA is not religion and you can be agnostic or an atheist and still apply the steps, you don't need to believe in a God, just in something greater than your own inflated ego. You have to be able to let go.
I'm not religious but I have accepted a spiritual solution to my problem because nothing else worked. I found that the power I need was always there inside me. I was trying to create happiness and peace from the outside in rather than from the inside out.
I would not confuse AA with organized religion. Its simply not that, if you cannot be convinced, try a secular path - there is a sub forum here where programs are discussed.
Good Luck
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Old 11-06-2013, 07:11 AM
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About three years ago was my second time in detox, and I joined the SMART Recovery program (forum, chat, tools, online meetings, ect). I searched on here for it, and I found it. I just rejoined this morning.
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