sunflower1977

Hi All,

I'm coming up to a year. Its been an amazing year, I feel like its clicked this time and I've embraced life. I love being sober.

But I'm not sure whats going wrong

I suddenly feel anxious, I'm crying over little things. Yesterday I felt anxious for no reason so I stayed in and watched films all day and felt much better but have decided I need to get out today, I was all ready to go and I started crying over something stupid. Why would depression hit me now? I always thought it was alcohol related.

People say ''call someone, there is always someone'' in my case there really isn't. I'm happy in my own company, my family have never supported me in anything, so we just leave each other to it (my mom and brother are alcoholics, me quitting is just not mentioned by them at all) I had 2 close friends I saw every week in my life this year but they drained me, they criticised everything and I noticed they made people feel small around them, so I stepped back from them (they were ex drinking friends as well) I work from home and I had an active summer and made great new acquaintances into similar hobbies as me but no one lives near for a coffee etc.

When I drank, I felt lonely around people, I felt insecure and depressed. I've not felt lonely the past year. I've felt comfortable in my own skin, confident, secure and happy with my space, and been positive about the future. So why is this hitting me now? I feel de railed

Anyone else have any experiences of a year and not feeling great?

GracieLou

I am sorry you are down. I have felt the same way for what seems like no reason at all.

I was reading something today and I sort of liked it and I think it applies here.

Your life may be a mystery to you right now, but that doesn't mean you have to solve it. Don't try to figure out why things are happening or the way they are happening -- there is no reason. You're not being tested, you're not being rewarded, and you're not being punished! The roller coast ride you're on is just another part of the journey.

I like the part that says I don't have to solve it. I think that is true. There are times I feel I need to fix myself, to do something new to change myself or make myself a better person but I have found that most of the time something or someone comes along that nudges me in the right direction. If I try to hard or think about it to much I may miss that nudge.

Sometimes I have to just let it be and relax. I know stress and anxiety, even when they seem so small can take its toll. Many times I don't realize I was in that mood until after it passes and I am like....Yeah, I was stressed. Maybe I was eating junk food like mad, I was especially forgetful or I had hard time concentrating. These, for me, are signs that something is bothering me and I have to deal with it or in most cases I have no control over it and I have to let it go.

Nevertheless

Congrats on almost a year.
One thing that almost always helps me when I get depressed is a trip to the gym. No need to "body build". Just get the blood circulating real good. Exercise isn't only good for the body,it's good for the mind.
The gym I go to,a month membership costs roughly what I used to spend on booze in 3 days. A real bargain if you look at it that way.

Fred

sunflower1977

thanks guys.

I run and cycle alot and joined a gym last week now its dark in the evenings. I've been doing more yoga lately though, maybe the yoga's not helping. Too much introspection...

I was just hoping feeling depressed was somehow normal at this point. Its so out the blue Maybe its just the dark nights and awful weather.

I shall try and just let it pass

TDInstall

Cycling? Get on Strava!!!

It will super charge your riding and connect you with a whole world of cyclists in your local area.

It really did help me in the early days

Mirage74

It might just be that time of year. With the holidays coming up and the weather getting colder always gets me down a little.

kelloggs87

I too am coming up on my one year and am spinning myself. I'm questioning everything around me, (to myself) and struggling to figure out why. All I know, is that this isn't the first time I've felt this, so hopefully, it will pass. Prayer and meditation temporarily take these feelings from me, but spilled milk brings it right back. I think it's awesome that you are able to identify these feelings and take care of yourself first, so keep doing that! it's inspirational! I take advantage of movie days when I need to, because first things first. Me and my sobriety. and you with yours. Thank you for sharing, and you are not alone on this. I wish I had a better answer, but todays daily reflection is awesome for this if you havn't read it yet. Congrats on almost a year!!!!!

neferkamichael

Sunflower1977, Nearly 1 year and feel low? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. I'm 3 years 3 months sober, over 2 years no cocaine, over 1 year no cigarettes, health is good, and nothing is going wrong in my life at the present time, yet I've suffered from depression from time to time. I have no physical symptoms of illness I can detect, so I too am baffled as to why. I'm dead set against using any kind of chemical substance, and that's what a doctor would prescribe for it. Rootin for ya.

DarkDespair

Hey sunflower,

nearly 1 year is AMAZING! Hats off to you! I had nearly 4 months of ongoing sobriety, but decided to waste them on getting pissed again. The feeling afterwards was SO bad...don't let that false friend alcohol deceive you into thinking that it might be a good idea to have a few...you can totally do it :-)

pinkdog

Hi sunflower, welcome.

pmv

why isn't there "someone" to call or hang out with? Even though I can feel very alone in a room (meeting) full of people I think the unity part of recovery is very important. If you're isolated then I'd make better friends here or maybe the chat room? Alone hasn't always been good for me

Johno1967

Getting sober has shown me there are two types of friends. The first type is the guys I would drink with. The relationship was shallow to a point where we had little in common other than a mutual desire to drink. The second type is the ones we can confide in and trust explicitly. Unfortunately the latter is a rare gem, one that also understands recovery and is honest while compassionate is even rarer. They are out there I'm sure. Remember, today's stranger could be tomorrow's friend.
Have you gone to any meetings or spoken to a therapist?

Boleo

"Anniversary Blues" are quite common. I know dozens of people in recovery who say they get them for about 2 weeks before or 2 weeks after an anniversary. I myself experienced them for the first 3 years I was sober and would not be surprised if they pop up again some day.

The best way I found to deal with them was extra meetings and extra phone calls.

dizzychainsaw

I went through the same thing last year around this time. I made my year but I started feeling depressed and anxious. I slacked up on going to meetings and working the program - everything I should've been doing. I ended up relapsing. Since then, I have struggled to stay sober. If I could go back, I would reach out for help and throw myself harder into the program

EndGameNYC

Oh man, the hardest thing for me to do when I relapsed after twenty five years was to come back. The fact that I had no intention of getting sober again only made matters worse. I intended to die drinking. I stayed out for three years and lost everything. Again.

Please do make an effort to come back. There are only more tears for you out there.

Each milestone in recovery brings with it its own set of triumphs and and struggles. Now, after over two years back, I wouldn't trade the life I've built for anything.

Peace.

Dee74

Sometimes people experience things like this around one year - see if this link rings any bells

PAWS | Digital Dharma

If you don't think it's that, is this a long standing recurring problem or one of purely recent origin?

In my experience, I didn't know how depressed I was...my drinking was masking my depression.

If it has been going on a while and things like exercise and lifestyle changes aren't helping, perhaps it's time to consider seeing a Dr?

D

BarbieKen

I'm coming up to 1 year too! About 2 weeks ago I was questioning myself "Why?"
Why haven't I finished the 12 Steps
Why don't I "know" the B.B. like some other folks who came in around the same time as me.
Why, Why, Why all these different points in my daily Recovery.

So, I took the suggestions and advise I'd heard for the last 11 months. I raised my hand at my meetings and shared. Hey, Bobbi you are not alone in the second guessing. I noticed that in meetings I was hearing shares that seemed destined to MY ears. I asked my HP for help. WOW, so simple, I have to remember. Talked to my Sponsor, and my Sober Hubby. HEY, I didn't drink today. If "nothing" else I didn't pick up, or even thought to do so. My heart knows I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be today. Just thought I'd share. Bobbi

advbike

I used to really get depressed in the Fall, even though it is a pretty season. I think it's a seasonal thing with the days getting shorter, the darkness, and here we have these giant fir trees that make it all worse. Ugh. I also do outdoor sports and have to taper off in winter because it's cold. We may want to nest and if you're single that can be depressing, even if subconscious. All of these factors can lead to depression.

Also, not sure where you're located but in many locations it helps to take Vit D when the light starts to wane. I do now because recent findings have found a link to depression if our Vit D levels get too low from lack of sunlight in the northern latitudes. Plus many other illnesses. Many people are low on Vit D. Good luck, and congrats on 1 year - that's awesome!

22NGONE

I get depressed sometimes too, I just remember that "this too shall pass" and it always does. You could try a new activity, anything that gets you out of your own head. Better days are coming! Stay strong. John