Alcoholism and families
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Alcoholism and families
I am sitting here with a cup of herbal tea and thinking about my family. My mother's family I mean. There are so many skeletons in that closet, it would make one of those stupid soaps look tame...
I have been thinking a lot about my family since my mom came back from England. She has been with my aunt since the death of her husband and she has been meeting a lot of my cousins. And then (on a separate note) my dad's sister-in-law called him this morning looking for photos of my grandparents. My uncle wants them for a project he is doing. And I began thinking...
Anyway, both of my parents are one of eight children. I don't think there are many alcoholics on my dad's side. I mean yeah some of them enjoy a drink (and a sing song) but nothing excessive really. My dad doesn't drink at all now. Sometimes I feel bad about that. I have made it clear that he should have a glass of wine if and when he feels like it but he said no. We had a chat about it while my mom was away, and he asked me if I remembered the time when I was about 14 and there were times when he would not get home from work until after midnight...and I said "I remember and I used to wonder if you were coming home at all"...and he said "but I always came home didn't I? And you used to sneak down the stairs to meet me while I was pouring a whiskey. I still feel bad about that time"...I told him that my alcoholism is not his fault. If it was in my genes there was nothing we could do about it. He told me there were times when he worried about my brother as well...he said when my brother met his current girlfriend it was the making of him...
On my mother's side, neither of her brothers drink at all. One of my aunts would be an active alcoholic if she could be. To be honest, I didn't know I had an aunt Jane until I was about 12 years old. I found an old photo album at my Grandmas and I asked my dad who was the blonde lady in all the pictures...and he told me about Jane. (Jane is my mothers sister.) She met and fell in love with a married man sometime in the 1970s and followed him to London and then to Hong Kong. (They were never a couple though.) This was a big scandal back then and my Grandma told her never to come home. Fast forward to 2003 and I walked into my Grans one day, and there was a strange grey haired lady there. My gran just said this was "her friend". I went to my parents and told them about "Grans friend" and my mom became very quiet and said "I bet that's Jane". Anyway, Jane it was, and is...
Anyway, Jane lives with Gran now, and two of my other aunts. Jane and my Gran had a huge fight one day when she went shopping and would not tell them what she had in her bag. It turns out it was a bottle of vodka. My gran made it very clear that if she ever brought alcohol into her house again she would be kicked out to the side of the road. But even at my uncles funeral last month there were dinners out, and my mom said everyone noticed that Jane never let go of her glass, and she was always touching the bottle, and she was only comfortable when the wine bottle was at her end of the table. She was constantly looking for a top-up even when her glass wasn't empty. It's like she doesn't drink every day but when she does, she cannot stop. I have so many memories like this about Jane. I have another aunt (Sarah) who drinks about three times a year but she gets so drunk on each of those three times that she has to go to bed. And now my mom tells me that my Gran is extremely worried about my newly widowed aunt (Anne) because Anne has been drinking every day since the death of her husband, and before and during the days that he was dying. Apparently she always had two bottles of wine in the fridge. My cousin had a birthday party last weekend and my mom said Anne drank about eight glasses of wine.
Actually I talked about this with my therapist today and he said he heard about cases like Annes before. I don't know about Jane though. My mom said it is like she thinks of the bottle as her "lover". She was constantly stroking it etc. I was around at my Grans today, just having a chat, and I went to the back kitchen to get something and I saw she has a new lock on the wine cupboard...so I asked her why, and she said they don't trust Jane. I admit I just find this situation a bit strange...I don't know. Surely Jane knows she has a problem? I knew damn well I had a problem...even though I could not admit it to myself at the time. There was another time, about a year ago, I was on holiday in France with my mom and Jane. We had arranged to meet her at the local pub at noon for lunch. At 12:30 my mom told me to go into the pub and drag Jane outside. I said no, because she is not in there. At 12:45 Jane stumbled out...
And then to go further back...from listening to my mom, I would say that at least two of her uncles were alcoholics. My Gran never ever drank at all though. She was very young when she was married off, and she had several miscarriages. The local doctor told her to drink glasses of Guinness mixed with milk as a tonic...apparently Guinness has a lot of iron...but I have never ever seen her drink...she gets upset when she sees Sarah drink!
Anyway, I don't know why I am thinking about this. I was a bit upset when I heard about Anne. When I was at university, I used to go out with my cousin and Anne would collect us and try to sober us up...but my cousin is not an alcoholic...and now Anne is?
So, is alcoholism in our genes? Is it a family thing?
Sorry for my rambling thoughts, and thanks for reading.
Love and hugs,
Tetra x
I have been thinking a lot about my family since my mom came back from England. She has been with my aunt since the death of her husband and she has been meeting a lot of my cousins. And then (on a separate note) my dad's sister-in-law called him this morning looking for photos of my grandparents. My uncle wants them for a project he is doing. And I began thinking...
Anyway, both of my parents are one of eight children. I don't think there are many alcoholics on my dad's side. I mean yeah some of them enjoy a drink (and a sing song) but nothing excessive really. My dad doesn't drink at all now. Sometimes I feel bad about that. I have made it clear that he should have a glass of wine if and when he feels like it but he said no. We had a chat about it while my mom was away, and he asked me if I remembered the time when I was about 14 and there were times when he would not get home from work until after midnight...and I said "I remember and I used to wonder if you were coming home at all"...and he said "but I always came home didn't I? And you used to sneak down the stairs to meet me while I was pouring a whiskey. I still feel bad about that time"...I told him that my alcoholism is not his fault. If it was in my genes there was nothing we could do about it. He told me there were times when he worried about my brother as well...he said when my brother met his current girlfriend it was the making of him...
On my mother's side, neither of her brothers drink at all. One of my aunts would be an active alcoholic if she could be. To be honest, I didn't know I had an aunt Jane until I was about 12 years old. I found an old photo album at my Grandmas and I asked my dad who was the blonde lady in all the pictures...and he told me about Jane. (Jane is my mothers sister.) She met and fell in love with a married man sometime in the 1970s and followed him to London and then to Hong Kong. (They were never a couple though.) This was a big scandal back then and my Grandma told her never to come home. Fast forward to 2003 and I walked into my Grans one day, and there was a strange grey haired lady there. My gran just said this was "her friend". I went to my parents and told them about "Grans friend" and my mom became very quiet and said "I bet that's Jane". Anyway, Jane it was, and is...
Anyway, Jane lives with Gran now, and two of my other aunts. Jane and my Gran had a huge fight one day when she went shopping and would not tell them what she had in her bag. It turns out it was a bottle of vodka. My gran made it very clear that if she ever brought alcohol into her house again she would be kicked out to the side of the road. But even at my uncles funeral last month there were dinners out, and my mom said everyone noticed that Jane never let go of her glass, and she was always touching the bottle, and she was only comfortable when the wine bottle was at her end of the table. She was constantly looking for a top-up even when her glass wasn't empty. It's like she doesn't drink every day but when she does, she cannot stop. I have so many memories like this about Jane. I have another aunt (Sarah) who drinks about three times a year but she gets so drunk on each of those three times that she has to go to bed. And now my mom tells me that my Gran is extremely worried about my newly widowed aunt (Anne) because Anne has been drinking every day since the death of her husband, and before and during the days that he was dying. Apparently she always had two bottles of wine in the fridge. My cousin had a birthday party last weekend and my mom said Anne drank about eight glasses of wine.
Actually I talked about this with my therapist today and he said he heard about cases like Annes before. I don't know about Jane though. My mom said it is like she thinks of the bottle as her "lover". She was constantly stroking it etc. I was around at my Grans today, just having a chat, and I went to the back kitchen to get something and I saw she has a new lock on the wine cupboard...so I asked her why, and she said they don't trust Jane. I admit I just find this situation a bit strange...I don't know. Surely Jane knows she has a problem? I knew damn well I had a problem...even though I could not admit it to myself at the time. There was another time, about a year ago, I was on holiday in France with my mom and Jane. We had arranged to meet her at the local pub at noon for lunch. At 12:30 my mom told me to go into the pub and drag Jane outside. I said no, because she is not in there. At 12:45 Jane stumbled out...
And then to go further back...from listening to my mom, I would say that at least two of her uncles were alcoholics. My Gran never ever drank at all though. She was very young when she was married off, and she had several miscarriages. The local doctor told her to drink glasses of Guinness mixed with milk as a tonic...apparently Guinness has a lot of iron...but I have never ever seen her drink...she gets upset when she sees Sarah drink!
Anyway, I don't know why I am thinking about this. I was a bit upset when I heard about Anne. When I was at university, I used to go out with my cousin and Anne would collect us and try to sober us up...but my cousin is not an alcoholic...and now Anne is?
So, is alcoholism in our genes? Is it a family thing?
Sorry for my rambling thoughts, and thanks for reading.
Love and hugs,
Tetra x
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
the short answer is I don't know Tetra.
Alcoholism does tend to run in families but whether it's genes or environment or a little of both is one of those perennial questions.
There's a lot of problem drinkers, alcoholics and drunks in my family tree, but all I can do is look after myself and run my own race.
I do hope your aunt finds some peace and happiness tho. From your post she sounds sad.
D
Alcoholism does tend to run in families but whether it's genes or environment or a little of both is one of those perennial questions.
There's a lot of problem drinkers, alcoholics and drunks in my family tree, but all I can do is look after myself and run my own race.
I do hope your aunt finds some peace and happiness tho. From your post she sounds sad.
D
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
Some here and there on both sides. One or two per generation that end up in the end stage. Your post made me remember all the people on both sides that do not drink at all. I remember some really cool relatives that would have been about 40 when I was born. Almost none of them drank at all. I bet they quit. I come from a family of quitters.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Originally Posted by Dee74 
the short answer is I don't know Tetra.
Alcoholism does tend to run in families but whether it's genes or environment or a little of both is one of those perennial questions.
There's a lot of problem drinkers, alcoholics and drunks in my family tree, but all I can do is look after myself and run my own race.
I do hope your aunt finds some peace and happiness tho. From your post she sounds sad.
D
Alcoholism does tend to run in families but whether it's genes or environment or a little of both is one of those perennial questions.
There's a lot of problem drinkers, alcoholics and drunks in my family tree, but all I can do is look after myself and run my own race.
I do hope your aunt finds some peace and happiness tho. From your post she sounds sad.
D
Hugs,
Tetra
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: KC MO
Posts: 980
My Grandpa on my dads side made moon shine during the great depression. It was a source of income for them. But I believe he drank up most of the profit.
My dad was a WW2 veteran,and got a "dear John" letter while serving somewhere in the South Pacific. When he was discharged from the army he was drinking a 5th of whiskey a day. He went on like that 8 or 10 years till he met my mother. There are a couple others on my dads side that were/are heavy drinkers.
This debate has gone on and on. But YES,I myself believe alcoholism is,or can be inherited. I'll never forget the first time I got drunk. From then on,I seldom stopped till I ran out. While normal people drank 1 or 2.
Fred
My dad was a WW2 veteran,and got a "dear John" letter while serving somewhere in the South Pacific. When he was discharged from the army he was drinking a 5th of whiskey a day. He went on like that 8 or 10 years till he met my mother. There are a couple others on my dads side that were/are heavy drinkers.
This debate has gone on and on. But YES,I myself believe alcoholism is,or can be inherited. I'll never forget the first time I got drunk. From then on,I seldom stopped till I ran out. While normal people drank 1 or 2.
Fred
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