MaxxPower

Hello all,

I've had some extremely depressive thoughts going on in my head recently.

I'm just over 3 months sober and everything is going well so far with everything falling into place for me. Never thought id be able to function properly without drinking.

This is the problem..

I've WASTED nearly 15 years of my life!...being a functioning ex-alcoholic ive still got stuff accomplished, but many times in my life I've hard to press the reset button numerous times for being fired from jobs...relationships...etc...

Never stop thinking of what could have been...

Anybody have any suggestions on how to combat this kind of thinking?

On top of all the steps that go along with recovery, this is the hardest thing for me to deal with recently - believe it or not.

This always seems to bring me down when I start feeling really happy with my sobriety, and it brings me down to the point of anxiety attacks at times for some reason.

Argh...

Dee74

Hi Maxx
I wasted 20...but I've done more in the l;ast seven years thatn I did in those two decades.

The past is the past...we can't change a second of it - my advice is don't waste any more time wishing about something we can't change

It's best to try to accept it was it is, and use those years as motivation to do something worthwhile now

D

Ruby2

I had trouble with this after my 90 days. You can't get back the past 15 years but you sure don't have to live the next 15 years the same way. Past regrets can lead to future relapses if you let it weigh down on you too much.

You are now free to live the life you want to live. Hang in there! Call someone. If you have a sponsor, talk to your sponsor. Congratulate yourself on taking the giant step of healing yourself.

MaxxPower

Yeah,

God gave me all the tools I needed before my self destruction...and there I was drinking and being oh sooo stupid... Just feel like such a fool

Any of my past relatives that have died...looking down on me..must be shaking their heads.

caboblanco

Haha I always think my dead father is looking down shaking his head at me. well i like to think if there is an afterlife those passed souls are at a place where they can't judge anymore

MIRecovery

Started at 14 ended at 53. There is a lot of would have been, should have been, could have been in that amount of time. It took what it took to get me where I am today. I truly have been given a second chance at life and for that I will be forever grateful because so many never get that chance.

I still have a few years of life left in me and I plan on making use of every day that is granted me. I now enjoy life that is better than I could have ever imagined. I do not wish to forget the past nor wish to shut the door on it because it reminds me of where I was and where I never want to be again.

Doug39

I drank for the last 25 years but I don't consider it wasted time.

I still lived life. Sure I might have spent too much time drunk or sick from drinking but I guess I finally learned from it - 25 years too late!! I will admit I feel like I have a lot more time on my hands when sober.

I met my wife in a bar and the way I see it our daughter never would have been born if I never drank. I believe everything happens for a reason.

Focus on the future...you can't change the past.

LadyBlue0527

Hi MaxxPower, I posted this in another thread but it also applies here:

By no means take what I am about to say as me being happy in any way about the drinking person that I was but here's my take.

My life right now is a compilation of all things that have happened to me whether they be positive or negative. If those negative things never occurred I could have never learned from them therefore I would not be the person that I am today without them.

Do I wish that I could change some of those things? Absolutely! However, they are still a part of my learning experience and that's how I choose to reflect on them.

That's what's important.

EndGameNYC

Hey MaxxPower.

As other people have suggested, we are who we are today as result of many things that came before. Achieving sobriety means that we're able to learn from our suffering. If we weren't able to do this, then all that pain would be meaningless, as is true for those who continue to drink.

As I've said before, worrying over past mistakes and ruminating about "what might have been" is like paying interest on a loan you never get.

To echo Dee, I'm thoroughly amazed at what I've accomplished and the experiences I've had for twenty seven total years I've been sober.

Now is not the time to dream small.

Gottalife

Through the steps of AA I went through a profound change in my reaction to life, what we call a spritual awakening. One of the effects/results of this, we are promised is: "we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will see how our experience can help others". That's pretty much what happened to me.

GracieLou

+1

I am learning not to look back with regret but I have found times where my past does come back to bite me in the a$$. There are times a stray memory gets loose and it haunts me for a day or two. It hurts and I am ashamed but I can't dwell on it. I have see what I was to be able see where I am now and how far I have come.

I think we or I should say I, tend to look at the past as one lump just the way we try to approach recovery. We want it all now. With the past we want it all fixed now and that is not possible. I need to take it one day at a time as well. Instead of thinking about my 26 years as one big sh*t hole I have to look at it in pieces. Yes I drank, a lot, but there were good times. There was laughter. I did have a good job for years. I have two wonderful children etc.

So I take the things from the past that I was blessed with and hang on to them and then deal with the memories as they come and learn from them and then let them go. We can't change the past. Don't let yesterday define your today.

afloatsober

Every drink i took i needed to take to get me right where i am this moment.
Our past will later become a gift as we share our experience strength and hope with others who suffer as we did.
Use your past for good.
Don't waste it in morbid reflection that could lead you back to another regretted past....
Head up, walk on...
G

thisisme

Don't look back, you are not going that way.

JL2013

I am on day 3. Harder than day 2 I think. Hoping to get more positive. Had a bunch of day 1's just to get here. 15yrs is too long to say " I'm an alcoholic"., finally.

JL2013

Can't look back over wasted time I think. Windshields a lot bigger than the rear view mirror, right?

jazzfish

This is huge for me this week. I have been scanning old slides into my computer and all I can see are this innocent young boy full of potential and joy juxtaposed against my current self. Yes, the past is gone and can't changed. It also shaped who I am today. But, wow, there are some seriously wasted should've and could'ves staring me in the face this week.

RobbyRobot

Yeah, I too have wasted years in my past, and this only helps me today to understand what choices to make NOW so as to not re-live those times ever again. Like many have already said, the past is the past. Don't use it to beat yourself stupid. Resentments [ie remembering again and again past experiences in hurtful/hateful/self-destructive ways] are a real joy-kill with no upside. Forget about what you wasted inasmuch as you can always learn from your mistakes.

Take it easy, and enjoy being free today!

whiskeyman

i understand, but heard somone say once

let the bird land on your head, but dont let it build a nest

EndGameNYC

When I first got sober some thirty years ago, there was a slogan I used to hear about this issue in AA. I haven't heard it at all this time around. "You can look back, but don't stare."

TrixMixer

......OR did you ever think this was exactly how MaxPowers' life was destined to be, You wasted NOTHING--this was the way Your life was written to play out!

What's that saying "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger"
Go easy on yourself--You are living the exact life you are supposed to live. Taking a drunk "detour" and all that went with it!!!

At least that is the way I look at my life--not proud of some things but "I'm only HUMAN"!

Congrats on your 3 Months, continued Best Wishes!
TrixMixer