I got drunk tonight.
I got drunk tonight.
I'm not going to blame it on anyone but myself. I've had a good handle on my sobriety for a while. Been in a relationship with an alcoholic. When he didn't come home tonight again, I gave myself permission to get drunk just to quell the pain. I know it won't be a bender or anything like that but it's still stupid. He came home and wasn't drunk, but he still ignored me when I had texted and called. He said he didn't know why he did this. Do I need validation from someone so much that I'll ruin my own sobriety for this? I had a horrible day and I told him specifically that I needed him here tonight. When I called and texted, nothing.
To preface, I had a really ****** ass day (pardon the pun) day.
This morning I was feeling good about life, planning to only work a few hours and come home to finish a freelance article I'm working on that was due today. I went to my therapy in the morning and it was a great session.
This morning I unlocked the door to my work and thought, "Man, it stinks in here." Walked down the hallway to discover water and raw sewage all over the place.
I am not shitting you (ha, no pun intended), I sat down and cried for ten minutes. I was so frustrated. We got the carpet cleaners and plumber there and everything's okay now, but I got so fricking worked up. I hate it when things like this happen, especially when you have more important things to do. My boss is also a huge complainer so it's just one more thing we'll be hearing about for the next week or so.
We also found out that the clog was caused by grease and food from the restaurant upstairs. C'mon, there is NO reason for disposing of that stuff by pouring it down the drain. Jesus.
I feel like a pathetic ******* right now. I used today as an excuse to drink. I am drinking to punish him. Not good. Help.
To preface, I had a really ****** ass day (pardon the pun) day.
This morning I was feeling good about life, planning to only work a few hours and come home to finish a freelance article I'm working on that was due today. I went to my therapy in the morning and it was a great session.
This morning I unlocked the door to my work and thought, "Man, it stinks in here." Walked down the hallway to discover water and raw sewage all over the place.
I am not shitting you (ha, no pun intended), I sat down and cried for ten minutes. I was so frustrated. We got the carpet cleaners and plumber there and everything's okay now, but I got so fricking worked up. I hate it when things like this happen, especially when you have more important things to do. My boss is also a huge complainer so it's just one more thing we'll be hearing about for the next week or so.
We also found out that the clog was caused by grease and food from the restaurant upstairs. C'mon, there is NO reason for disposing of that stuff by pouring it down the drain. Jesus.
I feel like a pathetic ******* right now. I used today as an excuse to drink. I am drinking to punish him. Not good. Help.
I'm sorry you had a bad day readerbaby.
Are you still in AA?
Maybe it's worth getting some numbers together, people to call, so that when then next bad day comes along you have a definite plan about what to do to stay sober?
D
Are you still in AA?
Maybe it's worth getting some numbers together, people to call, so that when then next bad day comes along you have a definite plan about what to do to stay sober?
D
"I'll teach you by punishing ME" is never the answer. Next time you feel like this and you will... have a plan in place.. Use a phone number you may have gotten from an AA'er or go for a walk.. go to a meeting, put on a pot of tea, light a candle, listen to soothing music. Do anything but don't reach for a drink.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Ok, you hit a pothole in the road and fell down...get up brush yourself off and start over. These things happen. It's one day, don't make it two. Get to a meeting and cherish that face to face support you so desperately need. Gentle hugs, TF
"I know it won't be a bender or anything like that but it's still stupid."
Just wondering how you know this, are you able to control your drinking?
An answer to your other issue is in the Big Book p98:
"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
Just wondering how you know this, are you able to control your drinking?
An answer to your other issue is in the Big Book p98:
"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Nottingham (UK)
Posts: 2,690
He didn't come home and didn't answer your texts and calls? What are you DOING with this guy? Sorry, but things like this make me sooooooo mad.
You are better than this situation you are in.
Drinking is not the answer, as you know - planning on how to either resolve things or get shot of him, is more productive.
Sending you hugs Xx
You are better than this situation you are in.
Drinking is not the answer, as you know - planning on how to either resolve things or get shot of him, is more productive.
Sending you hugs Xx
I just can't believe I did such a stupid thing. Normally I would not, ever. I know how to tell myself no and distract myself. I think it really shows how toxic this whole thing is. And the idea of drinking to punish someone else is fricking absurd. I'm the one who woke up with the headache and lovely sick feeling of guilt. I've gotten through much worse without drinking. I don't know what came over me, but it won't happen again.
Thanks all, for your kind words. They help.
Thanks all, for your kind words. They help.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. When I got sober I fortunately had a great AA pool of people to contact in person or on the land line and used that lifesaver. It was pointed out to me that just because I stopped drinking the world didn't stop and make me the wonderful example to follow. Things continue to happen with or without me. For myself I feel like it's a control issue most of the times if I get angry about something so I try to stop pouting. I don't think anyone said getting and staying sober is a walk in the park, we have to grow up and examine the word acceptance, even if we don't like it. BE WELL
I've beat myself up for a few hours and now I'm gonna stop, move on, and go from here. I'll be okay. We have had this discussion over and over and over again. There's nothing more to discuss except ending this f-ed up cycle. Thanks all for your kind words. I appreciate you not judging me. Believe me, I'm judging myself more than anyone else possibly could.
I also realized that I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain last night. Still am, but I am well versed in dealing with it without alcohol.
I also realized that I was in an incredible amount of emotional pain last night. Still am, but I am well versed in dealing with it without alcohol.
moving on is a good idea Reader. sometimes when i did not move on, it gave me another reason to drink again and again and again. so you have a good idea to put the past behind you and look forward to sobriety.
i dont know how many time i decided to drink when i did not want too. i think we all been there. so good luck and stay sober. hay go to the chat room, i found it is a great place to go and get real time support when there people there.
i dont know how many time i decided to drink when i did not want too. i think we all been there. so good luck and stay sober. hay go to the chat room, i found it is a great place to go and get real time support when there people there.
Hi Readerbaby,
I'm a double winner too. I usually post on the "friends and family" forum. Don't beat yourself up, you are back here. I lost 10.5 months of sobriety in a situation a lot like yours. But without the sewage spill (yuck). My AH is still using although today, of course, he says "no more." Quack.
Hang in there. You have support and resources. You are strong.
I'm a double winner too. I usually post on the "friends and family" forum. Don't beat yourself up, you are back here. I lost 10.5 months of sobriety in a situation a lot like yours. But without the sewage spill (yuck). My AH is still using although today, of course, he says "no more." Quack.
Hang in there. You have support and resources. You are strong.
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