My liver hurts all the time but I still can't stop. I'm really hitting a low point in my life. I have never been a sloppy drunk or someone who drinks throughout the week but I have had substance abuse problems since I was 14. I never drink Sunday through Thursday and I have been able to hold down a steady job as a Web Developer for several years. The problem is that Friday and Saturday I drink enough for two weeks. Every Friday I buy 2 fifths for myself and I always find myself drinking them both by Sunday morning. The sad thing about it is that I never binge. If I did, I would probably just tax my liver once and then just pass out. But no, I just drink a steady amount of liquor so that I am consistently buzzed and continue this for hours on end. I have several times, finished a liter of Tanqueray single handedly in a span of 12 hours. My tolerance is to a point now where I actually plan on drinking more than a fifth and so I buy a 6-pack or a bottle of wine in addition. This has been going on for almost 3 years. I can feel my liver ache day to day and I know I am killing myself but I just can't stop. I don't drink because I am depressed or because I want to be more sociable. I drink because I thoroughly enjoy being buzzed and it makes everything that much more fun, especially since my tolerance allows me to stay strongly buzzed for extended periods of time instead of getting the highs and lows of binge drinkers. The sad truth is that the only thing that may help me quit would be to start smoking MJ again, because my alcoholism skyrocketed after quitting it. Unfortunately, that will lead to yet another dependency. I don't even know why I am making this thread. I guess I just want some reassurance. |
The sad truth is that the only thing that may help me quit would be to start smoking MJ again, because my alcoholism skyrocketed after quitting it. Unfortunately, that will lead to yet another dependency. even posting here more? there's a world of options beyond marijuana. D |
Originally Posted by Dee74
(Post 4259969)
what about seeing your Dr, or a counsellor, joining a reco0very group like AA or some other alternative, or looking into rehab (inpatient or outpatient) even posting here more? there's a world of options beyond marijuana. D A recovery group is probably my best bet but since I am such a functioning alcoholic, no one around has any reason to recommend this and so it's fully up to me to make that happen. Sadly, I just don't have it in me at this point in time. I am actually drinking a 5th of Tanqueray as I type this so you can see that I even though I fully acknowledge my problem, I am just not truly sincere about it. |
I remember in the last part of my drinking, that terrible feeling of I can't stop and I don't know if I even want to stop. I definately enjoyed the buzz and the feeling the booze gave me. At the end of the day I had to get to the point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted that buzz. This journey is not easy for anyone, I had to change people, places, things and the way I thought and did things. The one way thinking had to go out the window so to speak. |
Thats a pretty poor excuse - but you know that. There must be something in you that bought you here. Fan that spark. You can drink on til you're like me and you lose any pretense of functionality, you lose self respect and the respect of others, dignity, friends, jobs, health...and all those things will happen if you drink on... or....you can get help now. I know which one I'd pick if I had my time again :) D |
Originally Posted by LadyinBC
(Post 4259977)
I remember in the last part of my drinking, that terrible feeling of I can't stop and I don't know if I even want to stop. I definately enjoyed the buzz and the feeling the booze gave me. At the end of the day I had to get to the point where I wanted to be sober more than I wanted that buzz. This journey is not easy for anyone, I had to change people, places, things and they way I thought and did things. The one way thinking had to go out the window so to speak. |
Originally Posted by newguy22
(Post 4259984)
But how did you crave the feeling when you were alone? My biggest issue is that the majority of my drinking is done in my home and to add to that none of my friends are big drinkers. My coworkers are the same. They are all very intelligent people who just drink on occasion. But I did do it. And if I can do it, then so can you. Changing my thinking meant reaching out and asking for help from someone. I couldn't do it all on my own. |
I drank everyday for 25 years and during the last few years I had a constant pain in my liver area. During the last few months before I quit I was also getting an odd "tingling" sensation where my pancreas is; along with stomach cramps and gas everyday. Today I am 90 days sober and all the pains and sensations are gone and have been for two months. I am 50 years old now - from age 27 to 31 I drank whiskey pretty much all day everyday; killed about 4 - 5 liters a week. My brain was like silly putty after that. I then stuck with beer and wine and the occasional shot everyday over the last 18 years. But that still took its toll. My blood pressure was dangerously high for years even with medication. Today my blood pressure is perfect. Do what you want. But booze will make you sick then kill you sooner rather than later. |
yea seeing a doctor is the best advice i can give you. your liver is hurting cause the damage from alcohol. i seen people die from this. every one knows that one property the liver does is detoxify your body. so you should go to the doctor and be completely honest with your alcohol consumption. |
Originally Posted by newguy22
(Post 4259974)
A recovery group is probably my best bet.... And see a doctor. If he tells you your drinking is damaging your liver perhaps you will quit trying to minimize your alcohol use. As it it said many times here on the forum, functioning alcoholic is just a stage of alcoholism, not a type of alchoholic. |
Originally Posted by newguy22
(Post 4259963)
I never drink Sunday through Thursday and I have been able to hold down a steady job as a Web Developer for several years. The problem is that Friday and Saturday I drink enough for two weeks. Every Friday I buy 2 fifths for myself and I always find myself drinking them both by Sunday morning. The sad thing about it is that I never binge. If I did, I would probably just tax my liver once and then just pass out. But no, I just drink a steady amount of liquor so that I am consistently buzzed and continue this for hours on end. I have several times, finished a liter of Tanqueray single handedly in a span of 12 hours. My tolerance is to a point now where I actually plan on drinking more than a fifth and so I buy a 6-pack or a bottle of wine in addition. This has been going on for almost 3 years. In your post I made a specific portion bold. Do you understand what binging is? It's exactly what you're doing and just what I did too. Drinking excessively over periods of time. What did you think binging meant? |
Originally Posted by newguy22
(Post 4259984)
But how did you crave the feeling when you were alone? My biggest issue is that the majority of my drinking is done in my home and to add to that none of my friends are big drinkers. My coworkers are the same. They are all very intelligent people who just drink on occasion. The fact that I can come in and perform on par with them is a bit of a facade tbh. Just don't wait too long, there is a point of no return for a lot of people. Don't let that be you. |
newguy22, you sound like a functional alcoholic like I was. I did all of my drinking at home except I would drink a lot every single night. Early in my drinking career I was a lot like you. I would only drink on the weekends but I found that I was always drinking way too much during that time. It eventually spilled over into the week and then within another year or two I found myself drinking the same way every single night. It's amazing that I was still able to function at work with all of the drinking I was doing each night. Then the nightly drinking finally started to affect my work and that's when I got serious about getting help. For the first time I recognized that my status as a functional alcoholic was going to change into a dysfunctional alcoholic soon enough if I didn't get my act together. The alcoholism always gets worse. I've never heard of a single case where continuing drinking improves the situation. It may take more time for things to get worse but it never gets better. The thing about alcoholism is that it is not just about how much you drink, when you drink, or what you drink. It's all in the mind. It's about the mental obsession of the next drink or what problems could be solved by drinking. Whether you're a weekend steady drinker or a daily blackout drinker, we all have the same affliction of the mind. You should check out an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in your area and see if you identify with the message and people in there. AA has kept me sober for over a year now. That is a miracle for this daily blackout drinker who only drank at home in isolation. |
Originally Posted by newguy22
(Post 4259963)
I'm really hitting a low point in my life. I have never been a sloppy drunk or someone who drinks throughout the week but I have had substance abuse problems since I was 14. I never drink Sunday through Thursday and I have been able to hold down a steady job as a Web Developer for several years. The problem is that Friday and Saturday I drink enough for two weeks. Every Friday I buy 2 fifths for myself and I always find myself drinking them both by Sunday morning. The sad thing about it is that I never binge. If I did, I would probably just tax my liver once and then just pass out. But no, I just drink a steady amount of liquor so that I am consistently buzzed and continue this for hours on end. I have several times, finished a liter of Tanqueray single handedly in a span of 12 hours. My tolerance is to a point now where I actually plan on drinking more than a fifth and so I buy a 6-pack or a bottle of wine in addition. This has been going on for almost 3 years. I can feel my liver ache day to day and I know I am killing myself but I just can't stop. I don't drink because I am depressed or because I want to be more sociable. I drink because I thoroughly enjoy being buzzed and it makes everything that much more fun, especially since my tolerance allows me to stay strongly buzzed for extended periods of time instead of getting the highs and lows of binge drinkers. The sad truth is that the only thing that may help me quit would be to start smoking MJ again, because my alcoholism skyrocketed after quitting it. Unfortunately, that will lead to yet another dependency. I don't even know why I am making this thread. I guess I just want some reassurance. You are being honest with yourself in many ways. Many people I have seen struggle with this honesty factor. Your first sentence is your First Step to recovery. I hope you will look up AA in your area..just try it...I loved it but it took a few times... it is the easier, softer way to quit. If I break my arm, it doesn't help to look at it and say, well my arm's broken. I have to take the steps needed to fix your arm..going to the doctor who has the knowledge...asking for help...taking the help...continuing the aftercare. And...it does not require any payment...the people will be so happy to see you there..just try it...it really can work and has in millions of lives. God Bless..Much luck. |
Newguy22, I thankfully by accident came across this site. I was a very functional alcoholic (or so I thought). 'Functional Alcoholic' oxymoron? I think so (only realized after months of sobriety). If I can quote a part of a story in the Big Book: "We watch the alcoholic performing in a position of responsibility, and we know that because he is drinking heavily and daily, he has cut his capacities by 50 percent, and still he seems able to do a satisfactory job. And we wonder how much further this man could go if his alcoholic problem could be removed and he could throw 100 percent of his abilities into action." If you haven't looked into AA yet, give it a shot. Like Ipanema said, I loved it but it took a few times. |
Originally Posted by doniker
(Post 4260001)
Do what you want. But booze will make you sick then kill you sooner rather than later. |
Originally Posted by IOAA2
(Post 4266501)
Once into the process people would easily choose sooner as so much of us is so seriously damaged. The last several years before I quit drinking I welcomed death. I felt unable to quit drinking, I was so sick of the severe anxiety, worried constantly about my high blood pressure and pains, and I always felt weak, tired and sick. Any little problem set me off into a panic. I would lie in bed in the middle of the night, heart racing, telling myself I have to stop this madness. But I didn't and continued to drink everyday. I figured I was too burned out and sick of life anyway, I was 50 years old and my youth was gone so who cares if I die. Well thank goodness I came to my senses and at 94 days sober I feel awesome. I never want to be back in that dark hole of drunken intoxication. |
I have a good friend who is in end stage liver failure. He lives a painful existence with meds and constant Dr. visits. He keeps telling me, he wished he would have just stopped drinking. |
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