cocopuff3315

I did 23 days this past summer sober for the first time in 4 years. Then I honestly became nostalgic for the drinking life. I am a daily drinker for 4 years now and drank heavily prior to that but not daily. Anyway, I started up again and can't stop and don't intend to now. I just am not interested in sobriety right now and can't handle it. This is tough stuff to deal with. When does it all stop?

Doug39

I remembering feeling like you do. I drank everyday for 25 years.

As of today I am 88 days sober.

It ends when you truly want it to end.

LadyBlue0527

First, welcome to the board!

Wow, and I am not being sarcastic here at all, your avatar fits right in with your post.

You have one huge battle going on within.

You're being realistic and I do respect that, you don't want to stop. I think that for most of us though it wasn't that we didn't want to stop, it was our fear of what life would be like without alcohol. It sounds though like you know that your at a point where you realize that the choice is becoming less and less yours because of how it's affecting your life.

You asked What it takes is for you to not pick up a drink AND more importantly, to not want to pick up a drink.

There's a lot of great information on this board about programs and great people.

Many of us were in the same situation questioning how we got where we are. It's easy, we did it one drink at a time.

With the way that your life is being affected are you sure that there isn't one little piece of you that wants to not feel the way that you do anymore?

cocopuff3315

I agree that there is the absolute fear of life without alcohol. I have used it as a crutch for so long self medicating that I can't imagine not having it but I know it is harmful.

Johnston

You'll stop sooner or later. Hopefully sooner.

FeenixxRising

The end is different for everyone, I suspect. For me, I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Additionally, I could still remember how good things were when I wasn't an alcoholic. And even with my drinking problem, I still had a lot goring for me and too much to lose. I still had dreams, aspirations and hope, and drinking no longer enhanced my life, it just screwed it up. So I worked on stopping and now I work on staying stopped.

And for some people, it ends at the grave. I hope you find a desire to remove alcohol from your life before you reach that kind of bottom.

freshstart57

This is part of the lie of addiction, cocopuff, and I believed it too. I thought I could never quit drinking, and if I could, I could never do it now. I thought it was helping me with my emotions, with anxiety and depression. NOPE NOPE NOPE. Alcohol made it harder to deal with my emotions, and made depression and anxiety 100 times worse.

I was afraid of facing my life without alcohol, until I knew that I had to do it. I had to give it up because of what it was doing to me. I had to face my sh!t sober.

And, I could not have predicted how good life is without addiction, without the shame and embarrassment, the sickness, depression, anxiety, guilt, all of that. I was free. You will quit, too, cocopuff, and you will look back and wonder why the heck you waited so long.

You can do it, cocopuff, it is so much better without alcohol.