basketball

Hi everyone,

I'm 16 days sober and obviously starting my journey to recovery.

At the risk of over thinking things, I have a question about something that seems to be an ongoing topic in the new to recovery forums.

Many folks seem to have a tremendous time admitting to people they are recovering alcoholics.

For me, admitting this is very easy. Not that I have or will go around telling people that I'm a recovering alcoholic, but I will have no problem discussing it.

Do you think this is a big advantage for me in my recovery?

Boleo

At just 16 days sober, I would keep it to myself. If people see you drinking again, it would just make things worse. I would wait at lest 6 months myself.

mfanch

Nobody's business but yours.

HeadLump

Hi Basketball

My hubby knew from Day 1, I told close friends and family after a couple of months - and they have all been really supportive. And if anyone else asked me directly, then I'd probably tell them, too - but I've always been lousy at keeping secrets!

Arbor

I was thinking this same thing earlier today. Would it be nice to let my immediate family know for their support? I'm sure it would help me. Things didn't work out well the last time I tried to quit. But ultimately I don't want to cause a burden. I told my wife and my best friend of 25 yrs. That's it for me for now. But I'm assuming that's what AA is for too. Support.

doggonecarl

Often it's because they can't admit it to themselves.

longbeachone

Use your own best judgement and do want feels right to you. Great job!

freshstart57

I just skip straight to 'I don't drink'. End of story. It works for me in my internal conversations just as well as when I need to explain to others why I don't have a beer.

Threshold

People have different reasons to tell, or to keep it to themselves. Some know they would get support from their families, while others would get derision. No one answer for this one.

I didn't tell my parents, who lived several hundred miles from me and never knew I had a drinking problem, why worry them (in their 80's). Told my sister because I knew she'd be a friend and support in recovery.

bob8619

Telling people for me is a help because then they won't be offering me drinks. If you are around someone who will put you down for it or something then sure don't tell them but why associate with someone like that anyway? For me personally, I have no shame in being a recovering alcoholic and if the question arises I will tell whoever is wondering, why I do not drink.

TrixMixer

great cross -section of opinions! Congratulations is in order! Since I stopped living the drunk party life, I just told everyone I had stopped drinking. Needless to say my fellow drunks were "shocked I was an alcoholic"--hmmmmm! Gotta wonder how they missed those 20 drinks I used to down while in their company, LOL!

Do not feel pressure to do anything that is uncomfortable for you . Sobriety is your accomplishment you have earned the right to choose how you live it.

CharlieNoogan

Congratulations on 16 days!

Since your question was regarding whether being able to admit that you are an alcoholic will be advantageous to your recovery and was not, as others have assumed, whether you should or shouldn't tell people, I'll take a stab at it.

Yes.

I agree with doggonecarl that many people have a problem telling others because they are not willing to admit their alcoholism to themselves. Those that say they don't tell people because if they fail at sobriety things will be more difficult are really still clinging to the hope of drinking once again. It's the alcoholic voice speaking.

I find it absurd to be ashamed of having a legitimate disease. By definition, alcoholics need outside help to quit drinking. If they didn't, they wouldn't be alcoholics. This is why Step 1 of the AA program is "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable."

Be proud of your recovery. It takes immense personal strength to identify that you have a problem with alcohol, admit it, and make lifestyle changes to remain sober. So many unfortunate victims of this disease never make it that far.

freshstart57

While this is true for some of us, it certainly is not true for all of us. Many of us have quit without a program, or without outside help. Lots have quit after reading a book, or after a short session with our doctor. I did.
There is no loss of generality to your following statement, however. In fact, those who have found the internal resources to quit drinking and stay quit are deserving of great respect. And this goes for all of us who have broken addictions to many substances, and in our own individual ways.

Joe Nerv

Having no shame about the fact that you are a recovering/recovered alcoholic is a great thing. It is however nobody else's business, and can come back to you in undesirable ways you'd never expect. Experience has taught me so. When I was new in sobriety, I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, and get everyone else I knew on my path. After being sober a while I learned to keep my mouth shut, unless the information is being used to help another alcoholic. I personally don't ascribe to the, "If they know I had a problem then they'll come to me", school of thought. If someone has a problem and needs help, they'll find it. I don't have to be a walking advertisement.

MIRecovery

The people that I love and can trust know. On some rare occasion I may tell someone outside of my close circle if it seems to make sense. There is just too much misinformation discrimination for me to tell other than a select few. I found it easier to tell the people that were directly impacted by my alcoholism that I'm in recovery

CharlieNoogan

This thread has turned into a discussion about whether or not you should tell people you are an alcoholic. Many people have strong opinions on this subject. However, this is not the topic of the thread.

The OP simply asked whether willingness to admit alcoholism will be an advantage in recovery.

Does anyone here honestly think that denying that you have a drinking problem is helpful to recovery?

Gottalife

There were two parts to the OP's question.

Willnginess to admit alcoholism seems essential. How can you go about fixing something until you know what is wrong? So the willingness is an advantage.

About people have a tremendous time disclosing their alcoholism to others, those close to me knew anyway, so it was more a matter of disclosing that I was doing something about it, and that seemed to be a natural process as opportunites crop up in time.

But in my wider social and work circle I am a little more circumspect. A general announcement serves no usefule purpose and, as some have said, may even lead to disadvantage. If you are now sober, why tell someone about a problem that is not a problem?
Secondly, I have to look at my motives. For example, if I make a disclosure to my boss, am I looking for a softer path than my co-workers, would I be manipulating the situation to my advantage?
My general rule is I will only disclose the fact that I have recovered from alcoholism if it will serve some useful purpose, like helping a suffering alcoholic.

sunrise1

I know that for me it was a new "era" in my recovery when I became willing to tell people why I no longer drink. It certainly was a new level of freedom to not care one way or the other if people knew or not. I think it's a plus.

GracieLou

I have found that some people do admit they are an alcoholic to everyone right from the get go. I am not one of these people...lol

If you feel it helps you, then by all means, go for it. I see no reason to tell you otherwise but I would offer a word of caution. There are many that still look at alcoholism as just a character weakness. So keep that in mind. We are hard enough on ourselves, we don't need any negative help in that area from others.

I only told my mother at first. She lives with me so it would have been hard to hide it. That said, we do not discuss it. My recovery is my own and I really feel I need to share it with other alcoholics that understand. I don't need to give a play by play of meetings or my step work to others.

I did tell one other person because he is my friend and he lives close to me. He sees all my comings and goings and almost every time I spoke with him he was guessing where I had gone. So, I see you went shopping today or you were gone for a long time, did ya go to work? The last time he asked if I enjoyed my work out. He thought he was smart and had figured out I was going to a gym...lol

I finally just told him I quit drinking and was going to AA. He is a drinker and IMO qualifies as an alcoholic and I didn't want to lose the friendship. I am glad I told him. I have mentioned meetings and he has shared that he did try AA in the past. I don't push it but I have grabbed opportunities to talk about it when I could. He has now said three times he is thinking about it and last night was one of them. I might be reading what is not there but I swear when he mentioned it last night I could hear hope in his voice.

I am so glad I told him. I have heard that sometimes the only BB that another sees is the person that carries the message, even if it is subtle.

Ipanema

Thank you for your survey. Congratulations on your 16 days sober. I will just tell you what I was told in early sobriety: wear your sobriety like a loose sweater.....
You have come to this site and that is a very good thing. Keep us close to your heart as you are beginning a whole new way of life. No one needs to know of your sobriety, especially work. They don't understand us, unless they are with us. Your celebrations of sobriety would primarily be with us and those you choose to tell. You will know. Here's an idea: only tell those that you are confident will keep your confidences and never reveal what you do not want the whole world to know yet.

For me, there came a day that I was so grateful for recovery from this horrible disease, that I didn't care who know.

Also for me, because of the knowledge and acceptance from those who are with me in recovering sobriety, it matters not to me who knows. Sobriety, and all that goes with it,makes me proud to be a Recovering Alcoholic and would not want it any other way.

Many good wishes for you as you recover and know we are here and with you 24 hours a day. Reach out as you need it. We really do understand. Best of Luck, Ipanema