rowd44

While in recovery and listening to others it's amazing how similar we alcoholics are despite the varied backgrounds. I would often sip drinks in front of others. However I would be half pissed coming into the event, whether it be a party, dinner or celebration. In a social setting no one would see or understand how much I was actually drinking. Although I am sure people wondered how I was getting drunk off a few drinks. If I was out for dinner in a restaurant, my pockets were lined with small bottles of hard alcohol that I would consume in a washroom stall. If there were more than one bar; I would leave the bar I was drinking at socially, then go have a shot at one bar, come back to the bar with the people I was with and drink. At home, I had hard alcohol hidden in the house and home office. Hard drinks were great when I mixed them. Mine were almost straight booze. I was sure it was just me doing crazy stuff like this. Obviously not. Our history; background, lives may be vastly different but our drinking is not. We are in this together helping each other with one common goal - to quit! Take Care Everyone!

newman23

Yes, I can relate. I would usually buy pints of vodka so I could "pre-game" for an event where people would drink socially. Never turned out well, though. One party I went to, i downed about 3/4 of the pint before going to a celebration, and had a few drinks when I arrived there, and sure enough, blacked out. I got to the point where they had to help me walk and I made a complete a** of myself, yet they only saw me take just a few drinks! No one else was nearly in the same condition as I was. Also did this at a public concert event. Downed a whole pint before showing up and had to learn about what happened the next day. At other gatherings where I couldn't drink before hand, I would just try and sneak extra drinks there. People would only drink a glass of wine or 2, but I was trying to sneak as much as I could. I know that people noticed, and man, that was very embarrassing too.

At home, I thought I could hide the drinking from my family, and friends, but they could always tell by my behavior. Funny, at those times, I thought I was the one in complete control because I was "planning out my drinking" when in fact I wasn't in any form of control at all. Scary stuff.....

FeenixxRising

Actually, I never really hid my drinking. Not that I advertised it, but I never hid it. I just drank. Being single helped in that regard.

caboblanco

Yeah me too. You really don't have to hide your drinking when you live alone. The only thing i did was dump my empties in the town dumpster so my nosy neighbors didn't see them.

rowd44

I agree my wife could tell in the later years how much I was drinking despite the couple drinks I would appear to be drinking.

Ethos23

Yes, I was a complete closet drinker.

Twinings

I didn't, then I did my first rehab and then I did. Hid alcohol and always pre-drank and made sure there was drink waiting at home

Ruturn

Yep, hid it for years. Had doctors and my wife convinced I nad narcolepsy because I would pass out (ie - fall asleep) at inopportune times. After it all came out in the open it took me 5 more years to get to where I am now and to really want to quit solely for me.

alphaomega

I would both pre party and post party. Because I couldn't drink the amount I wanted to during whatever event I was attending without looking like a total lush.

Towards the end though, I would be at blackout with no more more than 3 drinks.

MIRecovery

I hide my booze so well even I couldn't find it. For almost a year after I quit drinking I kept finding hidden bottles

Arbor

Yep. Always hiding, sneaking, and stealing alcohol. I needed more than everyone else. Once in drink mode I would steal/swig off my mother in laws wine bottles in secrecy. Same thing at my folks' house. And my sisters. Didn't care when in drink mode. Thank god I never got caught doing this but everyone always knew when I was drunk. Once again. Matt had too much.

MattM316

I used to drink more before I went out than the other people drank the whole time they were out, so I essentially drank triple what they drank.
I used to be able to handle it fine, I was always the least drunk looking person around, but later in life it just caught up with me and more and more I became noticeably drunk.

But yeah I hid booze everywhere. In work, at home, in all manner of places.

basketball

Oh yes I did it all as well - a few examples:

- Would chug a pint of vodka before a neighborhood party. Then go over and casually drink another 12 pack. In some cases when it was a long day/night neighborhood cookout, I would say that I have to go home and let the dog out. Then have another half pint.

- On vacations, have a half gallon of vodka in the suitcase. Hide it in the room and chug down about 10-12 oz before going out for the night.

- Driving home from work every night. I stopped for a pint of vodka and would chug it down while pulling into the neighborhood.

Ptcapote

Those little four packs of wine were my best friends. I had them everywhere. In my purse, under the sink in my bathrooms so I could sneak off during parties to get more, in my car in a cooler buried under other stuff, in cabinets, etc., etc.

Apparently I even had some hidden under my bed which I forgot. Until I was sober, of course, and was vacuuming one day and, irony of all ironies, one rolled out and I stepped on it and twisted my ankle so badly I couldn't walk for a couple of days. Yeah, that was priceless.

But yes, I hid. Even from myself in the end. Couldn't even face up to my own problem.

KateL

I did a lot in secret and sometimes even said, "no, it's ok. I'll just have a coke" when out because I knew I could have loads when I got home.

TrixMixer

Wow! I am impressed Katel. To give up a drink for the sake of coke. I knew that would never fool any of my party friends'

I simple drank before , during, and after. I think I actually drank more than 300lb men. Guess that is why no one ever wanted to get started buying me drinks, I could have bankrupt a guy. I never thought about it since that is what everyone else was doing. No one I hung around with could count.

Did hide my empties at home though. Hated trash day, had to dig for all the bottles in the bottom of my hamper. Only 10% was laundry, on top of course.
Then would have to ride around and find a trash bin outside of my development so my neighbors wouldn't hear the landslide of glass going into the dumpster.

Oh yea, and wasted a hell of a lot of gas finding different Liquor Stores to buy my stash from. Near the end I was getting nothing but catalogs from liquor stores--can't fool them, they have those mailing list you know

Weaver

Oh yes. So embarrassing to recall and think about!

I would run to the gas station to get smokes or a snack and hide several tall boys of beer in various compartments in our van only to sneak out after everyone went to bed and drink them.

I would buy several of those little bottles of liquor because they were 1.small. 2. easy to dispose of and 3. Quick fixes.

I hid empties everywhere, under my kids beds, under towels in the linen closet...everywhere.

Whenever I was drinking and the wife knew about it, I would go purchase my booze for the evening but chug a couple tall boys in the gas station restroom or shoot back a few shots on the way home...UGH.

Insanity!

freespirit60

I hardly ever drank in public but I'm sure the red eyes, stomach upset, rarely shaky hands among other things were a dead give away at some point.

I quit once for 6 yrs while my spouse drank in front of me; I finally thru in the rag and started drinking again. That was many years ago. I will go for months w/o a drop, still working on what throws me into it.

It's been 2 months now but when you're chemically dependent I find any excuse will do. It's a beautiful day, a 3 day weekend, I'm depressed, you degrade me, etc etc.

I don't blame anyone for this monkey on my back, and yes I'm still married. Now he hasn't had a drink in many yrs.

By the way I also hid liquor in the house. Grateful to be sober today.
M

freespirit60

I have been going to AA on and off for yrs. There are some very good ones and of course some very bad ones. The bad ones glorify drinking or drugging and when you left all you could think of was "why do I want a drink?" The good ones had members of long sobriety and how their lives were turned around. Positive.

I found with myself there was only one alcohol I drank. Whiskey, not beer, wine, vodka etc. etc just Whiskey. I used to lay in bed and pray "God just take the whiskey away!" Or take me, I could go home right now. But that's just feeling sorry for myself. Yes it's a struggle but I amaze myself when days go by and I think to myself "I didn't think about having a drink today, I haven't missed it." I'm thankful for today.

freespirit60

Thanks for sharing this, take it moment to moment, pick up something you like to do as in exercising, doing something nice for somebody, when your getting stressed out come here and share. I'm new and am going to give this a try. I have stopped many times but I truly want this to be done with. I am not using anymore excuses. . . today is my 40 something day. I can't listen to the dark voice that says, 'one won't hurt' or you deserve a reward cause it's been a while, it's been a rough day, so on, so on and so on just tell the inner voice to go straight back to hell where it came from. . . your done with this.
Get Angry. (at your addiction)