how to get through it?
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 35
how to get through it?
Hey all.
Havent had a drink in a few days now... but Im dealing head on with my boyfriend wanting to end things with me. And honestly I cant blame him. I dont know how he put up with my **** for so long. And I feel maybe its selfish to want him to stay with me.. but we've been together for almost 7 years... and it wasnt always bad. I was pretty straight for the first 4 years.. but I began to drink more and more the more pressure was put on me financially and emotionally. I want desperatly to break this hellish cycle. Ive said before that I surrender but its been in small steps. First to friends... most recently family... uggh. I just dont know how Im supposed to get through this. The one person I want in my life and I drove him away.
Havent had a drink in a few days now... but Im dealing head on with my boyfriend wanting to end things with me. And honestly I cant blame him. I dont know how he put up with my **** for so long. And I feel maybe its selfish to want him to stay with me.. but we've been together for almost 7 years... and it wasnt always bad. I was pretty straight for the first 4 years.. but I began to drink more and more the more pressure was put on me financially and emotionally. I want desperatly to break this hellish cycle. Ive said before that I surrender but its been in small steps. First to friends... most recently family... uggh. I just dont know how Im supposed to get through this. The one person I want in my life and I drove him away.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,581
Aw tiel, I'm sorry. I've been through a lot of stuff this year, too, and I know it can be so hard, especially when you're used to drinking through your emotions. It's a whole different ballgame when you're sober, and that desire to get drunk is strong when you're suffering. Just try to remember...drinking won't help ANYTHING. In fact, not only will it not help, it'll make things worse.
You'll get through it..take it one day at a time. Lean on friends, family, find support here or at an AA meeting, read books on sobriety. Do what you need to do to get some sober time under your belt. It gets easier, I promise. You learn to handle life without it, and you WILL break that cycle and you'll feel SO good about it. You can do this, we're rooting for you!!
You'll get through it..take it one day at a time. Lean on friends, family, find support here or at an AA meeting, read books on sobriety. Do what you need to do to get some sober time under your belt. It gets easier, I promise. You learn to handle life without it, and you WILL break that cycle and you'll feel SO good about it. You can do this, we're rooting for you!!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hope this little passage from the AA Big Book will give you some hope. Just flip the gender around to suit.
"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
And that's what it means, that you can get well no matter what anyone else is or isn't doing. And I can promise you it will be way better than anything you can now imagine
"Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence on God.
Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house."
And that's what it means, that you can get well no matter what anyone else is or isn't doing. And I can promise you it will be way better than anything you can now imagine
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 154
Drinking will numb what you are feeling right now, certainly.
It will definitely not help you in any way in the mid to long term.
It will crush and kill you disgustingly.
You are better than that. Deal with the break up sober. It is the only way.
It will definitely not help you in any way in the mid to long term.
It will crush and kill you disgustingly.
You are better than that. Deal with the break up sober. It is the only way.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Hi tiel;
I faced losing my husband of 15 years due to my increasingly bad behavior when I was drunk. In the end, I had to quit for me and not for the possibility of saving our marriage or not. I can tell you that as soon as I really committed to quitting and got through the tough physical and mental withdrawal, I began to feel better and better and I was lucky to be able to begin to mend the relationship. But even if I hadn't, I was mending myself, and that was the most important thing. You get sober for yourself and then things just get better no matter how they turn out. Good luck!
I faced losing my husband of 15 years due to my increasingly bad behavior when I was drunk. In the end, I had to quit for me and not for the possibility of saving our marriage or not. I can tell you that as soon as I really committed to quitting and got through the tough physical and mental withdrawal, I began to feel better and better and I was lucky to be able to begin to mend the relationship. But even if I hadn't, I was mending myself, and that was the most important thing. You get sober for yourself and then things just get better no matter how they turn out. Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Tiel, if there is any flame of hope left in your relationship, you staying sober and getting well, will fan that flame and possibly make it grow. . You continuing to drink will surely douse that flame with water and kill it forever.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
This is how I got through my similar experience. My husband of 25 years divorced me shortly after I got into recovery.
Ultimately I had to realize and accept that I am NOT what happens to me. I was NOT my drinking. I was NOT my job (which I got laid off of just before I went into recovery), I was NOT my marriage. I was something beyond that that lived those experiences, and I could go on and live the experience of losing those things and and doing those things and experience and do new things.
Didn't wash the sense of pain and loss away, but it DID keep me open to the excitement, anticipation and experience of all that was to come.
I had to let go of the idea that I could control things that happen around me. In a relationship it's hard because it seems like we SHOULD be able to control it, should always be able to make it or break it, but even there, we can't. We can make choices but not control the outcome.
The way through anything is to keep moving forward.
Ultimately I had to realize and accept that I am NOT what happens to me. I was NOT my drinking. I was NOT my job (which I got laid off of just before I went into recovery), I was NOT my marriage. I was something beyond that that lived those experiences, and I could go on and live the experience of losing those things and and doing those things and experience and do new things.
Didn't wash the sense of pain and loss away, but it DID keep me open to the excitement, anticipation and experience of all that was to come.
I had to let go of the idea that I could control things that happen around me. In a relationship it's hard because it seems like we SHOULD be able to control it, should always be able to make it or break it, but even there, we can't. We can make choices but not control the outcome.
The way through anything is to keep moving forward.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
Unfortunately there are consequenses to our drinking. If he didn't want to leave you, you may not try to stop.
He may be doing you a favor, he opened your eyes.
Things can change. Everything can change. Take care of yourself and get well. He wants that.
He may be doing you a favor, he opened your eyes.
Things can change. Everything can change. Take care of yourself and get well. He wants that.
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