MaxxPower

Skipped my Thanksgiving Dinner cause I knew wine would be around. Cant remember the last holiday dinner without me drinking at least some kinda alcohol...( 17?...?).

I know things can be ALLOT worse...but it just really really sucks.
Been sober since 07/28/13. Extremely frustrated with having to lie my way through social occasions.
Quit my hockey team - said I have a hernia. I don't know how to play sober (not aggressive at all) My whole life revolved around drinking.

The much more to the list..

Feeling embarrassed this...

Sorry bout the rant...
this is horrible..got to much in my life going on too relax in any form..nothing is working.

*

lasober

My first few holidays were tough. One thing I did was to actually watch people drink normally, and I realize I wouldn't even want to do that. Leaving alcohol in a glass.... I also race sailboats which is a heavy drinking crowd. I realized when I was sober I was physically better and smarter when I sailed, as far as the drinking goes, I may hang for awhile with the group, but I leave and go home because I know I have better things to do with my time, sober. It is hard and you are doing the right thing by staying away if it makes you uncomfortable, but it will get easier.

fini

MP,
when your whole life revolved around drinking, it makes sense that after you stop, your whole life is anchor-less, so to speak. doesn't work, doesn't hold together...heck, how do you even know what it is or who you are without the stuff???

as time goes on, this gets easier. you'll likely start to occasionally take a risk of NOT lying your way through a situation. you'll get better at discerning where you feel safe to do this. you'll get a better sense of who might be supportive. learning how to do things sober (be it hockey or watching a movie or having a big-feast dinner) takes time and practice. sounds stupid, doesn't it? grown-ups practicing how to do simple things like having a thanksgiving dinner and a conversation....well, felt stupid to me when i practiced the stuff i didn't know how to do soberly. like: wrap a present. put an IKEA thing together.
guess what? it's doable.
you will not need to always cancel everything and stay away. finding new activities and getting involved can help.
another stupid-sounding thing: go for a walk, then have a hot bath. might help with the relaxing.
you might find something useful in this post: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...tages+recovery

robgt350

gosh i love thanksgiving dinner, i do understand your situation. there is no alcohol in my house.

EndGameNYC

Worse than not going is going...and then you and everyone else regretting that you did.

BarbieKen

I just posted on the Daily sign in and I wrote about being of service on Thanksgiving. I didn't go with my sober hubby last year because I celebrated at the Rehab. Those who miss the alcohol on big Holidays , I'd suggest being of service. We volunteer at The Midnight Mission during the year. It sounds like a cliche, but being on Skid Row for the day, putting together 'clients' orders' for clothing essentials is truly rewarding, and fun too!
Bobbi

Gottalife

Maxx,
it's probably wise to avoid drinking situations in your present stage of sobriety, but that should not be the case for the rest of your life. from the rest of you post you sound very unhappy about being sober at all.

I had a look at your earlier posts and it seems that your main treatment so far has been detox. Detox gets you through the dangers of withdrawal, it doesn't treat alcoholism.

If you are an alcoholic of my type (actually, I got through medical withdrawal without detox) then what you are experiencing is likely to get worse. I call it the Internal Spritual Malady, when I stop drinking my external world improves a bit, but internally, I start to come apart at the seams. I become restless, irritable and discontent. Eventually I became so unhappy that the pain of staying sober outweighed the pain of drinking, I experienced one of those strange mental blank spots, and I was away drinking again. Alcohol was my master.

The problem was being sober was no fun, it was awful. I found I had to do more than just not drink, a lot more, to be happily sober.

My path, to a recovery that meant I could go anywhere, didn't have to hide from alcohol or run from triggers, could be absolutely free of the alcoholic obsession, began with a phone call to AA.

Lorax1981

It's tough at first. In the beginning it's normal to feel kinda crazy and lost but you are doing a great thing. You gotta think about yourself and follow your gut. Don't even think twice about your friends and the peer pressure. People act like being tough is drinking a lot and holding in your feelings. What's really tough is breaking a bad habit and being honest. BTW, did maxxpower come from the Simpsons by chance?
-Ted

JustODAAT

Holidays, especially in the first year of sobriety, are really hard. I remember being in a panic about my first sober Thanksgiving. I couldn't get out of it, and I knew I would be around many people drinking heavily for many hours. I did a lot of planning: spending a lot of time in the AM thinking about being thankful to be sober, planning what I was going to bring to drink instead, planning on who I was going to talk to that I knew didn't drink (one other sober alcoholic I knew would be there).

I just tried to remember that what I was really missing was maybe one hour...the one hour at Thanksgiving when I was buzzed and not yet totally drunk. The rest of Thanksgiving, when I am tanked, is not worth it. Somebody at Thanksgiving always reminds me of the time I passed out (as if it were funny, it just makes me cringe). There are many other bad memories of where drinking led me on Thanksgiving. I try to remember the whole package, and then on balance, not drinking seems easier.

My best to you.

Spinach

Sorry about your dinner, you will have more and once your used to sober and everyone around you will accept it you will hardly remember.
Remember too that anything you can do with drink you can do sober and often better.
Like driving getting out of trouble etc the edge you think it gives you takes something away too. Once your minds not fixed on the fact your not drinking you'll find a way to add your aggression with control.
John

22NGONE

MaxxPower,
Time takes time. Continue to work your program one day at a time and all will be well. As you mature in sobriety, you will know when you can be around other drinkers. I didn't go into anywhere that served alcohol my first two years of sobriety and ditto for family events. Went to my first rock concert 3 years sober... it was nice to remember the concert the next day.

John

MaxxPower

Hey Fini,

Thanks for the advice and link. appreciate it.

MaxxPower

Hi nyc,

They wouldn't have regretted me attending. I wouldn't/wont pick up a drink.

Doctor said no more. My pancreas cant keep up with me anymore. Picking up that red solo cup could be a death sentence.

For now I'm just trying my hardest to be happy with a sober life. Would like to just pretend im being a drama queen and forget it all any carry on with my old ways...But this is so incredibly real.

my goodness.

EndGameNYC

I didn't intend to suggest that you would drink. Just that there are worse things in life than missing a social occasion. When I read some of the comments here from people who simply "must go" to a wedding, holiday dinner or any other occasion, one would think that civilization as we know it would no longer exist were they to miss the specified event in early sobriety.

MaxxPower

This. This is me right now..except for starting to drink again.

At almost 90 days sober nothing has really changed. Physically nothing has changed (iv'e always been in good shape and active even when drinking), but now life is feeling boring and empty.

its just blahhh. like a pair of socks. Sorry if im sounding like a panzy..im just a emotional wreck lately.

geeeez.just really hope to get some happiness outta this..

How long in AA till you felt alittle happier?

MaxxPower

haha Lorax...you're awesome

You're the first person to recognize this.

He got the name from a blow dryer.. haha gold.

Love that episode!

MaxxPower

Thank you all for your comments..btw.

Its relaxing to hear some quality advice.

MaxxPower

2 years! wow. that's legendary.

I'm already stressing about Christmas coming up along with everything else in life that goes with recovery.

Congratz on attending the rock concert...lucky guy.

nomis

This was my first sober Thanksgiving. It was a little tough being around 4 other people guzzling wine the whole night, but I sucked it up and decided that on the whole, I had a good time.

Not something I need to do very often, but hey, alcohol is everywhere in this world. There are going to be times where I'm going to be around people drinking a lot. I need to work on figuring just when those times are necessary and when they are not.

Definitively, not for the newly sober though.

EndGameNYC

I was miserable for a long time during sobriety and attending AA meetings following my relapse. I can't say that happiness was a good indicator for me, but I did start feeling okay once I was deep into step work. It wasn't as long as a year, but it did take several months.

Most people give up because they can't tolerate the pain that comes with early sobriety. This is only one reason why having a program or treatment in place is crucial.