Linz

So for those of you who don't already know, I found out that I was pregnant (still am) back in March. I quit drinking. I had absolutely no intention of drinking while pregnant.
I've always thought that being pregnant and having a baby would CHANGE the fact that I am a heavy drinker, that it would make me slow it down after having the baby. Up until finding out that I was pregnant, I had thought, "being pregnant will make me want to stop drinking during pregnancy and afterward!"

During my pregnancy, I have been so caught up in, and overwhelmed by the pregnancy world, that I have not taken any steps toward a recovery of any kind. I have been sober, and have noticed humungous changes due to sobriety, but haven't really given much thought of effort into STAYING sober.
In fact, most of my pregnancy, thoughts of "one glass of wine would be so nice," or "man, I wish that I could taste this year's seasonal brew" have been floating in and out of my mind. At first it was harder... I wanted to drink so bad, and it didn't help at all that my significant other kept on drinking.

I recently started chatting back and forth with a woman on soberrecovery, and it has made sobriety/recovery come into light again.
I am curious, what steps would you take if you were in my shoes?

Thanks all, and I hope you're enjoying the weekend!

robgt350

Linz
well i wanted to be and remain sober just like you. although i did nor do not carry a unborn child, i still wanted to stay sober. i had that urge too,, ohh a beer sounds soo god after yard work! but i substituted it for coffee for a while. i also took up new activities to occupy my mind. i took up puzzles like sudoku and cross words to challenge my mind. i also go to the chat room here to talk to people here with similar history as mine.
so try going to the chat room and talk to people, it can really help.

dayover

Hi Linz,

Your post reminded me a bit of something someone I am very close to went through.

When she was pregnant, she didn't drink. After the baby was born, she was so invested and involved in raising her daughter that she didn't drink much, either.

But the funny thing about alcoholics is that eventually, and usually sooner rather than later, you're right back where you were before. After 5 years of not drinking very often, she was back to drinking every night, until she had lost her job and almost lost her daughter.


Just something I wanted to share, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy! <3

seahorse661

Linz,
I was a heavy drinker (not daily, binging) prior to pregnancy. Didn't drink at all, or think of drinking, during preganancy. But, I was drinking again within a week of my daughter's birth and my drinking patterns definitely changed from then on.

I realise now I had post-natal depression but it was not diagnosed at the time. Coupled with going back to work, a baby who didn't sleep well and a failing marriage, my drinking got ALOT worse very quickly. I felt very isolated by not being able to go out and that's when my drinking at home, alone, began.
Obviously this may not be your experience but I would urge you to make plans to sustain your sobriety after your baby is born. Counselling, perhaps, to deal with the underlying issues? And take all the help that's offered with taking care of the baby. I didn't, was determined to do everything on my own and I placed such a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself. It was a complete disaster!

I hope you don't come close to going through all that, but please don't think it will somehow all go away because you have a child or have had a long break from drinking. Stress is always a huge trigger.

Please take care....

GracieLou

You know I used to think my drinking at home started much later but in fact it did start after my first child as well. I guess I had two bouts, the first and the final.

I went from having fun at the bars, and by fun I mean drinking excessively to a blackout, to pregnant, married and a homemaker. I wanted to drink but I was also busy with baby stuff, taking care of a home and husband. None of which I was very good at. I was also only 20 years old so I could not buy my own alcohol. If I could have...I really don't want to think about that.

After the baby came I drank again whenever I got the chance. He was cranky and had colic. He did not eat much or sleep much. So in the evening, this was before the morning drinking started, I would have several drinks to relax. To ease the tension and stress of the day. My husband worked second shift so from 3 o'clock on I was all alone with that crying cranky baby.

Eventually I had another child and not quite a year after she was born I was leaving my husband because he as an alcoholic. If I had a magic mirror I would have been able to see where he was then, was where I was going to be in ten years.

Once I left I hit the bars again. I needed to sew those wild oats. They had been interrupted with children and a marriage. I think back now and say, I did not drink that much at home then, and while that is true it is only true because I drank the mass quantities at bars. The home drink was the one or two before I went out.

For me, I had no clue I had a problem then so I never sought help. You are already one step ahead of the game. I can tell you that after the baby I drank more then I did before. Getting way from that problem, the baby, was accomplished by drinking alcohol or so I thought.

My best advice is to seek AA or some other recovery program. I am sure that are some programs that are specific for pregnant woman or woman that recently had children. Maybe you can google for something in your area. I go to AA and I do see some pregnant woman there but I suspect that most are home not drinking and feeling that they don't need any recovery right now. That maybe, if they have a problem after the baby comes, they will come back to AA or seek some other kind of help.

I can imagine it feels like you are seeking help for a problem you currently don't have. Like walking into an oncologist office seeking help when you don't have cancer. I can tell you that the problem did not go away, it is just in remission and when it comes back, if will be aggressive. I made up for lost time and it did not take nine months to get back to where I was.

hypochondriac

Tackling this thought would be the first step to me. I always thought that external things would change my relationship to alcohol, they never did. It took me a long time to accept that alcohol was the problem not other things in my life, and that simply staying sober would be the best thing for me. I have to admit that it isn't always easy, but it gets easier the sooner we stop letting those bad addictive thought patterns rule us.

doggonecarl

Linz, how often, when you were drinking, did you have one glass of wine? One brew? And how often did one turn into many?

It's not just the thought of alchol that is floating in and out of your mind. It's also the illusion that you can be a normal drinker. The kind who can enjoy a single glass of wine. If you could be that kind of drinker, you would be.

Good luck. Find a form of recovery to carry you after your baby is born.

soberhawk

It is soon Linz, it is within a month is it not.

There is in reality at lot of happiness in getting children but also a lot of things to be faced – and some hard work. If you tend to use alcohol as an escape, you could get into trouble.

It is great you have stayed off alcohol while pregnant and that you are contemplating now on how to handle it when the child is born.

I do not know what options you have, but I think some support network would be great in this period.

Linz

Yep, one month Soberhawk. Cannot wait to meet my little one
People speak of "support networks," and I definitely think that one would be beneficial to have... Before I explain this, I just want to let you guys know that I am not by any way down-talking anyone in AA.

I have been to about ten meetings, that's it. I mean ten meetings ever... each time I go, there's ALWAYS someone who approaches me. It makes me feel good that people reach out like that. The problem is, each and every person that has approached me just starts babbling on and on about their life issues. The people have seriously CORNERED me in the AA rooms... They'll ask me a question, and before an answer can get out of my mouth, they answer it for me! (Not correctly, but an answer nonetheless.)

I've heard that the majority of people in AA have underlying issues. Sometimes bipolar, sometimes ADD, sometimes depressed, etc... I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, and I understand that people have issues other than alcoholism.

soberhawk

I have never been to a AA meeting. There are probably all kinds of folks there, but it does not sound pleasant always to get cornered by someone that is rather “manic” and self centered.

You are partly a double winner, maybe you belong on the other side?

hypochondriac

Don't go to AA then Linz. There are lots of approaches out there, some of which don't require meetings, like AVRT x

Linz

soberhawk, the other side?

The problem with feeling as if I get cornered every time I go to a meeting is... that I actually like the meetings! I like the idea of them, and I get what the big book is about. I enjoy it!
I will find something. Something's gotta give