belle08

Back in aug I had over a month of sobriety. Then I chose to go out to the bar and drink instead of finding another way to cope with an argument i had w my gf. The drinking slowly crept back to weekly binges. Two days of drinking this past weekend. I want to be sober. I like me and life better sober. Im back and I will make it. Wish I never took that first beer after I had the longest stretch of sobriety ever.

Hevyn

Hi belle. Glad you came here to talk about what happened - most of us have been through the same thing.

For me, I needed to have more proof that I couldn't touch it. I kept playing with it & using it to cope with problems. Once I realized that drinking never made anything better or easier I stopped counting on it to help. It took me a long time to get there, but I know now that it'll always make things worse and harder. Maybe you've found that out this time. I'm happy you're giving it another go.

KDBnSLC

What helped me quit was when I finally realized that it was absolutely impossible for me to stop at one or two drinks. Did I mention IMPOSSIBLE? If I don't take that first drink...not even a sip, I will stay sober. Did I forget to mention IMPOSSIBLE????

Michael1974

I can't advise you because I am new. But from a spiritual point of view, your not drinking helps the rest of us. When you drink, it doesn't only hurt you.

Michael

FourSeasons

Hi Belle, Welcome back. I too finally came to the realization that I cannot have just one. There is absolutely no such thing with me. I need to constantly remind myself of that. When I get the urge, I practice "thinking the drink through". I think it is finally setting in!

Michael1974

Geeze, you sound like me!

Hawkeye13

Hi belle--same problem here--I blew almost two years of sobriety by "experimenting" with moderation last month. I just kept drinking more and more each time like I'd never stopped. I'm back with 16 days sober and feeling much better. You won't regret quitting again.

wiscsober

Hey Belle it is hard...but life is so much easier now that I truly accepted I could not drink because I was medically ill with alcoholism.

Each day I commit to a program of recovery....a way of life.

Today was a mentally exhausting day for me....I've spent a lot of time on SR...but I also txt. my sponsor, msg. an AA friend and he called me back.

I woke up this morning thinking how great it was my football team won, and that I could remember it....little things...

I spent my very last available dime today...but you know what? Within an hour I bet I could have a drink in my hand. Thank goodness I don't have to or want to repeat that like I did dozens of times before.

Today I talked to several neighbors and I was sober. Spoke to the landlord sober. Talked with AA friends. Felt empathy and sympathy for a lot of people. No matter what I have a 100% chance of laying this old gray haired head down to sleep "clean & sober."

The majority of time I don't regret what I did or didn't do while using...or because I relapsed.

A sober life can be one of no regrets....just acceptance.

I wish you the best of health and good spirits...peace always.

Carlotta

Hi Belle,
Do you have a plan in place? Some people (like me) also need face to face support.
In the interim, why don't you join us at the 24 hours club? http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-join-us.html

keithj

I look at your join date on here, and can't help but wonder if something else isn't going on. Is it possible that instead of 'choosing' to go out to the bar, you were driven by a mental obsession beyond your power to control?

Just food for thought. That was a rough concept for me to get my head wrapped around. I mean, it sure felt like I was choosing to drink. But then I was asked to look at what kind of mind makes that choice. There I was, stone cold sober, having made a commitment to not drink (for the hundredth time) and knowing full well the consequences that usually happened as the result of me drinking, choosing to pick up a drink. Some folks in AA asked me consider if that was the choice of a sane mind.

Boleo

Same with me. I chose to go back to drinking dozens of times after picking up 30 day chips. Why? Because that is what untreated alcoholism does.

Once I had a spiritual awakening, thoughts of drinking simply never entered my mind. I did not need to chose anything. I never thought about drinking. I never had to think about not-drinking. There was nothing to chose between.

It took a lot of work to get to that point, but once I did, sobriety became my new default state of mind. I am not cured mind you. I must practice my program in all my affairs to maintain that condition. But it is now a habit for me. I have ceased fighting alcohol and feel as if I were placed in a position of neutrality.

Db1105

I had to keep reminding myself when I was fighting recovery was that each day is a new day and a new beginning. One day I surrendered completely and have not had a drink since.

karate

Psysical exercise ,always worked for me .

Im not going to stand there and argue with anyone ,about anything .

I attempt to walk away ,Most people will allow you to do that ....The smart ones anyway .

Michael1974

I have to agree with Karate. The more tired I am, the less likely I drink. I was doing yoga, Aikido, and Jiu-Jitsu some years ago, and just didn't want to drink after a class. I wanted to shower and sleep. Thank God tiredness was never a trigger for me. It is for a lot of alcoholics.

Michael

pinkdog

Hi belle, forgive yourself and go forward. Think of things you might do next time you become upset over life's stresses. Exercise, sports, meditation or other hobbies. Everyone has stress. Finding healthy ways to deal with it is recovery. You can do it!

belle08

Thanks everyone. This is such a wonderful community. Good points about choice or loss of power. Definitely think its a combination of the two with me. I am the one going to the bar, calling my drinking buddies, drinking the beers. Yet when the thought to do those things gets in my head I resist the thought for a short time then just do it. So very frustrating because I know in my heart I dont want the drinking life. Hell even when im drunk im not happy and hate being in that state. But its a new day and another opportunity to get on track and stay that way.

belle08

And to add not really accepting I cant drink like a normal folks can. Years of not surrendering, truly accepting. Not willing to not keep hanging with my drinking friends or take a break from drinking situations and places. Its the rare times I can go and have a beer or two and go home or the time I can go to a bar and not drink that I remember. Not the countless and more prevelant times I intended to hv one beer and went on a binge.

waynetheking

"Total abstinence is easier to maintain than perfect moderation"... not my quote but helps remind me I can never drink again.