Vandermast

hi there all,

i have been posting on SR for a while now and have have had some success with staying sober.....first got sober age 26.....7 years....then horrible relapse 2 and a half years trying to get sober again, with the help of sober recovery and aa got another 8 months recently blew out again, now have been sober for about 8 days.

My current relationship i met in the rooms of AA.....she also is sober, however has severe and ongoing codependency issues......when we first started dating she was going to CODA.....not so much nowadays, the last few months we have had a number of setbacks that have really hurt.....She is a good woman with a sweet and loving personality but she is also a matyr, a ******* control freak and I must be just as crazy for hanging around.....it is very hard being in this and her constant demands for attention and her neediness have solely corroded my soul, and am struggling to find any merit in our relationship.....I am seriously thinking of leaving due to the aforementioned reasons and also because I have have simply had enough....any support, words of advice or counsel would be greatly appreciated.

Please........

GroundhogDay

I am a control freak too. I think this may be common in women.

StevenT

I am posting because I saw this thread getting a pile of other ones above it, but I don't think I can be of any help here.

I am in a co-dependent relationship myself. We've relapsed together several times, she's cheated on me (been about a year, but it still happened) and we have most definitely not been the healthiest people for each other. Yet I am co-dependent and so is she, and right now it's not damaging anything, nor has it (that I've noticed anyway) since we both got sober again last january.

I think you might be answering yourself though. You are done, had enough, want to leave, but it seems to me you're either looking for someone to tell you that your thinking seems valid, which it does from what I read, or you're trying to build up the courage to do it.

Hope this helps,

Mentium

What is to be said? If the problem you describe isn't fixable and you have had enough..sounds like you have, then the problem is how to extricate yourselves with the least possible pain to you both.

tootsl1

Some relationships have a time limit, and that is all. To me it sounds like you want out, so a clean cut hurts less in the long run.
Your gf needs to deal with her dependency issues if she is ever going to grow. But that must be her choice.
I also had Codie issues in a previous marriage, and needed to be needed, so mothered (smothered) I left him for my survival, but left him with no coping skills, for which I still feel guilty.
Having had counselling I am no longer controlling or insecure, and am in an equal relationship.

IOAA2

Have you invested any time at Al Anon meetings? It helps many people with our problems, not always the way we want. It works for a lot of people in recovery also. BE WELL