Diary of a Mad Cow - Sober Edition
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Hampshire UK
Posts: 163
Fantastic news Cow, Ive been following your story but this is first time posting to you 
So so pleased your on the right road (or in the right field) now.
And breath all Cows' post are serious along with humorous, heartfelt, sometimes sarcastic but always honest.
So so pleased your on the right road (or in the right field) now.
And breath all Cows' post are serious along with humorous, heartfelt, sometimes sarcastic but always honest.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
LOL!!! I back b*tches! HAHAHA!
I simply loved the ending to "Diary of a Mad Cow -- Why Being Pathetic Lush for 30 Years Is Total No My Fault"
You kept me guessing the entire time... So many twists and turns.. A real nail biter.. I was truly on the edge of my seat throughout... !!
I can't wait to delve into the Sober Edition!!
I simply loved the ending to "Diary of a Mad Cow -- Why Being Pathetic Lush for 30 Years Is Total No My Fault"
You kept me guessing the entire time... So many twists and turns.. A real nail biter.. I was truly on the edge of my seat throughout... !!
I can't wait to delve into the Sober Edition!!
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
The Autopsy
With mind clearing is now coming aftermath of Hurricane Cow. Surveying rubble and ruin of body and brain from having been so badly entrenched again last couple years. No to mention that I has become big fat gelatinous cow who is grossly dilapidated from lying about for years in drunken sloth. I took little hike other day for first time in long time and was breathing like it was I sprinted a football field. Pathetic! But, at least sober and pathetic.
I not know how much robustness I gonna ever get back, cuz I has so much other thing wrong with me. And permanent damage from meth OD. But already I do couple social things. I no longer lying about like Jabba the Booze Hound Hutt all day every day. I taking it slow, though. Today I needed 3-hour nap in middle of day so I just allowing it. Thank god I not has real job. Hat off to anybody who has to go through this with day job. Damn.
Only thing I been craving is sweets/caffeine, which not allowed of course, because that land me face down in bottle of Malbec. Hardest thing is to fight off other people everyday. NO! No I not want brownie, no I can not meet for coffee, no I can not go to dinner, no I can not partake of you enticing treats. I mean it, okay?! Get you naughty canoli out my face! NO MEAN NO!
PS. This post Rated G for general audience, babies, sheeps and sensitive houseplants.
Photo for beloved Mr. D:
.
With mind clearing is now coming aftermath of Hurricane Cow. Surveying rubble and ruin of body and brain from having been so badly entrenched again last couple years. No to mention that I has become big fat gelatinous cow who is grossly dilapidated from lying about for years in drunken sloth. I took little hike other day for first time in long time and was breathing like it was I sprinted a football field. Pathetic! But, at least sober and pathetic.
I not know how much robustness I gonna ever get back, cuz I has so much other thing wrong with me. And permanent damage from meth OD. But already I do couple social things. I no longer lying about like Jabba the Booze Hound Hutt all day every day. I taking it slow, though. Today I needed 3-hour nap in middle of day so I just allowing it. Thank god I not has real job. Hat off to anybody who has to go through this with day job. Damn.
Only thing I been craving is sweets/caffeine, which not allowed of course, because that land me face down in bottle of Malbec. Hardest thing is to fight off other people everyday. NO! No I not want brownie, no I can not meet for coffee, no I can not go to dinner, no I can not partake of you enticing treats. I mean it, okay?! Get you naughty canoli out my face! NO MEAN NO!
PS. This post Rated G for general audience, babies, sheeps and sensitive houseplants.
Photo for beloved Mr. D:
.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
I guess I'll make it official - please remember we're a big community - we have members of all shapes and sizes here, from all walks of life.
Our membership is open to anyone 13 years and up
we ask everyone to abide by our rules including this one
We even have a swear filter.
All that's to make sure everyone feels welcome and safe here.
I'd really rather not have to make a big deal of it, but I'd hate people to treat it like a joke either.
thanks everyone for your cooperation.
D
Our membership is open to anyone 13 years and up
we ask everyone to abide by our rules including this one
9. If it shouldn't be viewed by minors, then it shouldn’t be posted to the forums or chat rooms. This is a public, family-friendly forum. In addition, if something would not be considered “work safe” (to a boss or co-worker), then it shouldn’t be posted.
All that's to make sure everyone feels welcome and safe here.
I'd really rather not have to make a big deal of it, but I'd hate people to treat it like a joke either.
thanks everyone for your cooperation.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Oregon
Posts: 4,252
Cow, I love how you express yourself! You have a way of telling it like it is. You just continue to do that. Sometimes there's just no other way to say what you really mean. I mean really! Are we children here?
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,042
My mother used to say "no vivid language, please." For instance, we weren't allowed to talk about toejam. Dirty goo between sweaty toes -- too vivid.
A lesson in sobriety: learn to be vivid, and still avoid censure.
A lesson in sobriety: learn to be vivid, and still avoid censure.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
Hi Cow;
I'm so glad you are climbing the mountain. I read your earlier postings yesterday and I know you will get there with the tools you have re-purposed. I also had a crazy childhood and drank to feel (or sometimes not feel) for most of my life. I started drinking about age fifteen and that went on until September 2011--I just turned 49 this August so I've been in an altered state my whole adult life. (My first graduate degree was in poetry, and being depressed and alcoholic seemed to be an admission requirement for my program, so it really began to escalate about 20 years ago)
The "flatness of feeling / engagement" sobriety offered felt strange and uncomfortable to me at first, but I have grown to love the peace despite a recent lapse after nearly two years sober. I'm 17 days sober again today and I can feel the peace ebbing back into my mind and this time it feels like running into a friend you're actually glad to see (I don't have many of those due to hating small talk and the required brandishing of my happy facade). Sobriety is as good as everyone says here. I had, before my lapse, even begun to notice these odd filaments of non-alcohol generated emotion at times. I believe (based on accumulating personal evidence) that there is always room to heal no matter how broken we once were. I wish you all the best.
I'm so glad you are climbing the mountain. I read your earlier postings yesterday and I know you will get there with the tools you have re-purposed. I also had a crazy childhood and drank to feel (or sometimes not feel) for most of my life. I started drinking about age fifteen and that went on until September 2011--I just turned 49 this August so I've been in an altered state my whole adult life. (My first graduate degree was in poetry, and being depressed and alcoholic seemed to be an admission requirement for my program, so it really began to escalate about 20 years ago)
The "flatness of feeling / engagement" sobriety offered felt strange and uncomfortable to me at first, but I have grown to love the peace despite a recent lapse after nearly two years sober. I'm 17 days sober again today and I can feel the peace ebbing back into my mind and this time it feels like running into a friend you're actually glad to see (I don't have many of those due to hating small talk and the required brandishing of my happy facade). Sobriety is as good as everyone says here. I had, before my lapse, even begun to notice these odd filaments of non-alcohol generated emotion at times. I believe (based on accumulating personal evidence) that there is always room to heal no matter how broken we once were. I wish you all the best.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 350
Woe is Moo.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,746
Rebel Without A Cow
I not wish to scare anybody, but I kind of a outlaw. No, I not violent. Although, one time in grade school I punch kid who picks on my little brother, but that was good and righteous punch and I sticking by it. In world of sobriety, always has been that I belong on Island of Misfit Drunks. Lot of fellow addicts put off by me. I make too much humor. I not “working a program” enough. I dread AA. I refuse to do steps. I atheist and reject any notion of higher power. I not ever once in my 30+ year of alcoholism think I was powerless. For sure, lot of time I think I sick, crazy, dying, dangerous, lost, ruined, etc. But I never think I powerless. In fact, I feel it take Herculean powers to keep me alive and functional. I just could no harness my powers toward wellness, I too busy using them to stay sick. I could no apply my powers to the right endeavor. Here is other statement that always make me super popular among sobriety crowd: I reject notion you cannot “do it on your own”. In fact, after 20 year of all manner of therapies and AA and programs and such, I pretty much knew I gonna HAS to do it on my own.
Given all this, frankly, I surprise I not chased out of alcoholism by angry villagers with pitchfork and torches! I not saying my thoughts and beliefs and behaviors is ideal or right for anybody but me. Hell, maybe they not even right for me! But is what it is and if it make me addict outcast, I not care anymore. I tired of feeling like an ******** because I not fit in with popular addict culture.
Here is my latest rebellion. I has no intention of remembering my sober date or counting days. Yes, I has done this many time before. (Some of you maybe recall in "Diary of Mad Cow Part 1" that I never get past Day 3!) But I not really care to celebrate X amount of times sober or has birthdays over it. I just wish to move the hell on. I spend first half on my life obsessing over addictions, and I not want to spend second half obsessing over sobriety. To me, is like flip side of same coin. I just wish to be free. To pull out that thorn and run like the wind and never look back. That not mean I not has to be scrupulous with my lifestyle and diet and anything else I think maybe put me back on bad path, of course, but I want to get into groove of "new normal" as way of taking care of self, not as “what I has to do or else be every minute terrify of slipping up!”
I realize saying all this is gonna make it REALLY painful if I end up to have to come here and report I drinking again, but if I do, I will, and I know you all still be in my corner. I has found most acceptance here than anywhere, which is why I feel I can share all this potential provocative things with you. Okay, now if you wish to throw tomato and vegetable at me, just please make sure they organic, yes?
I not wish to scare anybody, but I kind of a outlaw. No, I not violent. Although, one time in grade school I punch kid who picks on my little brother, but that was good and righteous punch and I sticking by it. In world of sobriety, always has been that I belong on Island of Misfit Drunks. Lot of fellow addicts put off by me. I make too much humor. I not “working a program” enough. I dread AA. I refuse to do steps. I atheist and reject any notion of higher power. I not ever once in my 30+ year of alcoholism think I was powerless. For sure, lot of time I think I sick, crazy, dying, dangerous, lost, ruined, etc. But I never think I powerless. In fact, I feel it take Herculean powers to keep me alive and functional. I just could no harness my powers toward wellness, I too busy using them to stay sick. I could no apply my powers to the right endeavor. Here is other statement that always make me super popular among sobriety crowd: I reject notion you cannot “do it on your own”. In fact, after 20 year of all manner of therapies and AA and programs and such, I pretty much knew I gonna HAS to do it on my own.
Given all this, frankly, I surprise I not chased out of alcoholism by angry villagers with pitchfork and torches! I not saying my thoughts and beliefs and behaviors is ideal or right for anybody but me. Hell, maybe they not even right for me! But is what it is and if it make me addict outcast, I not care anymore. I tired of feeling like an ******** because I not fit in with popular addict culture.
Here is my latest rebellion. I has no intention of remembering my sober date or counting days. Yes, I has done this many time before. (Some of you maybe recall in "Diary of Mad Cow Part 1" that I never get past Day 3!) But I not really care to celebrate X amount of times sober or has birthdays over it. I just wish to move the hell on. I spend first half on my life obsessing over addictions, and I not want to spend second half obsessing over sobriety. To me, is like flip side of same coin. I just wish to be free. To pull out that thorn and run like the wind and never look back. That not mean I not has to be scrupulous with my lifestyle and diet and anything else I think maybe put me back on bad path, of course, but I want to get into groove of "new normal" as way of taking care of self, not as “what I has to do or else be every minute terrify of slipping up!”
I realize saying all this is gonna make it REALLY painful if I end up to have to come here and report I drinking again, but if I do, I will, and I know you all still be in my corner. I has found most acceptance here than anywhere, which is why I feel I can share all this potential provocative things with you. Okay, now if you wish to throw tomato and vegetable at me, just please make sure they organic, yes?
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