I relapsed...
 

Okay, so feeling a little ashamed writing this, but last night I relapsed. I should have seen it coming, but it still took me by surprise. I've been back at college for a week and been out several times with just a Pepsi in my hand and had a really good time. Last night was a little different. Some new people moved in to our flat and suggested we played drinking games. I went to my room but within minutes I was accused of being anti social etc. and I just caved. Took a beer drank it, then proceeded to drink 2 more. After 5 months sobriety 3 beers really does have a big effect! But yeah, feeling awful this morning, contemplating getting more drinks but knowing that will be so much worse in the long run than just riding this awful feeling out...

Sorry guys, guess it gotta start this thing over again...

Well done on recognizing pattern of relapse and your resolution to start sober journey again.You said you were contemplating getting more drinks but decided against it.. Well done.

Comtemplating is not comtemplated, sounds like your still thinking of getting more drinks. Don't!! 3 beers I'm sure is not what you were drinking before 5 months ago. Accept it, learn from it, and start today as a sober person again. You can do it!

Great job not going overboard and recognizing the dangers. Keep your head in the right place and don't give up. Maybe if you are going to live with these people you need to tell them you just don't like the way alcohol makes you feel when they ask you again. Be prepared for more dangers like this in the future and make a plan how you are going to deal with them the next time.

Thanks for the replies guys, to be honest, I know none of them would have cared if I'd chosen not to drink so I'm still confused as to why I did it considering how bad I feel today... The moment I took the drink, the first sip, was like I was on auto pilot with no control, really really scary... I hadn't planned it, it just happened, even though the night before I'd been thinking about how strong I have been in my recovery so far.. I'm not going to disregard these last 5 months for the sake of three beers. Today is a new day . No withdrawals at least, which is what got me into the sane drinking in the first place, so don't need to worry about that.

If you're thinking of drinking again, all I can say is: you do NOT want to be in my position now. Drinking is absolutely pathetic and I feel pathetic for having par taken in it again..

Matty, you did the research and now you know what a relapse feels like. Use that information going forward to stop in the future.

None of us are perfect and things like this happen. Don't beat yourself up, use the info.

You're miffed as to why you did it but it takes one fleeting moment of the scales of sobriety vs drinking to tip.

Write this down and stick it in your wallet. The next time that you get into the same position pull it out and read it.

Don't lament over it, learn from it, you can do this!

Matty, maybe you should sit your roommates down and let them know you do not drink anymore. Period. If you tell them maybe they'll stop trying to cajole you into it. Three beers after five months is a slip. Don't let it turn into a relapse. Good luck to you! College is a tough place to be sober. Stay strong.

One of them knows I had an issue with alcohol, he just doesn't take it seriously. It's this distinction that people make between alcohol and drugs that frustrates me. It's like, as long as it's only alcohol it will be fine , kind of mentality. I've been out to clubs in the last week very happily sober, I honestly do not know why I drank the beer last night. I think I wanted to make this thread as a little warning to anyone who may be considering drinking again... In my humble opinion, once you've recognised there's an issue with alcohol, and you've posted on a site like this, there is no way you can go back to drinking and actually enjoy it.. So yeah , hope you're all having a good day and to all the long time sober folk here... Ill catch up with you one day, about 20 hours ago I was as confident in my recovery as you are now. Seriously don't let it slide...

People places and things. The biggest key to this sobriety in my opinion.

Alcoholism = Cunning, Baffling and Insidious.


BE WELL

Sorry to hear this Matty. Thank you for sharing, your words will have helped someone.

Stay close now x

You've got a great attitude Matt, right back at it my man.

Quote " One of them knows I had an issue with alcohol, he just doesn't take it seriously. It's this distinction that people make between alcohol and drugs that frustrates me. It's like, as long as it's only alcohol it will be fine , kind of mentality."

This is a very dangerous and common myth amongst youngsters now-a-days, I am not sure about how mnay people die everyday due to any other addiction like drugs. But I know for sure that thosuands of people die everyday due to alcohol addiction.

Mattyboy, if things do not work well for you, just leave your current accomodation and partners.. No point in leaving with the partners who have such mentality that " as long as it's alcohole only, it's fine " They have no clue on what alcohol can do.. Just leave them.

The way you felt when you woke up, the desire to get more, epitomizes why I don't choose to pick up. Not to say that if I stopped doing what I am doing right now it would be a choice, because the only thing that is stopping me from picking up is what I do today, yesterday doesn't mean anything in terms of that.

Just work on getting to the pillow sober, and don't forget how hard it is to resist the urge to get just one or two or ten more... Somedays I forget that and it scares me.

I really SO wanted to live my old life still - just not drinking...then that became just drinking a little...soon it was back to drinking a lot.

I had to accept the reality of my relationship with alcohol and I had to accept that to do that meant change.

My old life was great for an alcoholic - but pretty poor for recovery.

Decide where you stand and make the changes Matt :)

D

Matty well done on being so strong and focussed, and for coming right back here with your honesty.
Perhaps last night, meeting some new housemates, you just wanted them to see you as 'normal' just the same as your other housemates? People can make swift judgements when they meet someone new, an you say you were already being accused of being antisocial. I feel this was a case of not wanting roommates to form an opinion of you that is not totally true. Maybe you can just show them over the next few days that you are a fun guy to be around, you just prefer not to drink to be that way.
I have every faith you will do that

I like what David Parnell had to say about relapsing, "Don't beat yourself up, pick yourself up and give things another shot in another week, NEVER GIVE UP !". I know why he said that, because it's MORE THAN possible to beat an addiction, that's why. And to add, we all fall, none of us our perfect, it's the bigger picture you want to focus on. You're doing what counts the most.