Katieo

I quit for a month, then started up again and am out of control. But when I am not drinking I am depressed and anxious and don't know what to do with myself. I have a house begging to be cleaned, but can't get enough energy or the will to do it. I feel like I'm about to give up, but I have a 16-year-old that needs me and understands what I'm going through. She's very supportive. I have been looking for full-time employment for over a year now (I'm working part-time). I was a stay-at-home mom until my husband died and I was able to work part-time due to social security benefits after his death. Now that I need a full-time job, I can't seem to find one. I don't like AA, it makes me anxious and want to drink and when I feel I want to talk or add something, the discussion never gets to me, so I end up leaving worse than when I came in. I already have one OVI under my belt (could be the reason I'm not finding employment) and if I don't stop again, I will surely get another. I have been drinking since I was 14 (am 53 now) and probably every day for the last 10 years. I don't know what it's like to be sober and if I'm not drinking, I'm smoking pot. I just feel lost, sad, depressed and worthless. Just wanted to post my thoughts hoping someone out there knows what I'm going through.

Susan2984

((hugs)) would you be able to do a rehab program at all? Might help. I don't have a lot of advice but if there is someone who can help with your teenager for a while a full time program somewhere may help.

Threshold

Hugs.

I don't have your exact experience, but enough of it to be able to relate. Life just keeps on coming. I am sorry you have had that experience with AA, I have had some similar. It might help if you tried a few other groups, meetings at different times or locations, or perhaps got some phone numbers so you could talk to a few women one on one?

I hope you active here and create a recovery support network, there are people here who will listen and understand.

It's not easy to find jobs at our age. I feel you there.

But you are doing SO good to have stopped drinking. That is HUGE, and truly the best thing you could have done for yourself and your daughter.

huntingtontx

Hey Katieo, If you can quit for a month, you know you can do it. One day at a time, we can all do it. As far as the house, just make a plan to work on it, 20 minutes at a time. It works. My back is broken and I am in healing mode, I do all my work, 20 minutes at a time. I quit drinking almost three months ago and I do it one day at a time, some times one hour at a time and a few times one minute at a time. Your daughter sounds like a lovely girl, and if she is for you, you have a great support. Hang in there. We have a meeting here on line tonight at 8 central. I love our meetings, and it makes you feel like you are not alone. I am praying for you and your daughter.

Doug39

Once you get sober and stay sober the anxiety will fade and your confidence will increase.

I drank everyday for 25 years and today I am 68 days sober.

Today was one of the first days in a long time that I actually felt good when I got out of bed and looked forward to going out and facing the day.

Sobriety gets better everyday. You can't expect an overnight cure.

zjw

If you can quit a month you can quit longer. The job market is awful right now. Regardless of your age there just isnt a lot to choose from either. Im in a predicament where my current skills are dated and no longer marketable combine that with the lack of jobs and well if i loose the job I got I'm in bad spot this worries me. but despite my worries and problems I know there always going to be there if its not one problem its another. But we can choose some of our problems. I chose to not let alchool be one of my problems any more and just getting rid of that one problem got rid of a bunch more. Its like having a vine growing all voer your hours if you cut it back it grows back if you trim some here and there it keeps on coming causing more problems but if you go down to the base of the vine and cut it there the whole thing dies and with it all sorts of problems go away and you can see the great house again that was underneath the vines.

It stinks having problems but know that your not alone everyones got there fair share of them just all different ones and they all stink! Just have to move forward. You'll feel better too.

GhostFace

I used to think the same way and anxiety does hitvme even in my sobriety but not as bad as when I was drinking and getting high. Sobriety is w beautiful thing that you need to experience in order to explain. I thought that I wouldn't be able to function or fit in society but I learned.
Get support here be strong and give thanks to the goos and bad, that has changed my outlook on life...
Peace to you

heath480

That is a lot to deal with Katieo,you can do it.Can you try a different AA meeting?they vary from one to another,also tell someone at the meeting how bad you are feeling,sometimes we can look OK on the outside,it is what is going on inside that people don't see,we need to tell them,I know how difficult that can be in the early days.

It takes time to recover,it dosen't happen overnight,if you stay sober your life will improve,not easy but doable.

I wish you well.