AA meetings without the 12 steps?
 

Hi
So day 3 of my sobriety and I'm feeling good :) but I know it will be hard alone .. I've found some great online tools, books and self reflection tools that are very helpful but I know I need face to face help and interaction with other sober people that are can relate and understand because loneliness, boredom and isolation is a huge trigger for me. I've been trying to find a secular recovery or support group in my area but there are NONE. The 12 step program isn't for me of that I'm sure. Neither is a religious based program .. does anyone have any thought or experience in going to open AA meetings for sobriety support without using the 12 steps they are based on?

The only requirement to attend an AA meeting is a desire to stay sober.
I wen't at least twice a week for the first 6 months without a sponsor. I tried to work the steps,but didn't follow the guidelines by any means.
While the odds of you "making it" without doing "the program" aren't exactly stellar. I think the odds of you succeeding are far better if you just show up,than if you try to do this all by yourself.
Go to AA,take what you need and leave the rest.

Fred

Go to AA,take what you need and leave the rest.

that exactly what i did in the beginning, just to get outta the garage.
being in a social situation terrified the heck outta me but i think DEATH terrified me more.
I went and eventually when i listened and watched and wanted what they had i let go and gave it a shot.
Now sober for a few, i can say the only thing that saved me was goign with the program.

Actually, the odds of you making it without doing the program are very good, but you need to do something else instead. Continuing to drink is not going to make you better.

Are you ready to make a plan about continuing to use alcohol?

Sure. A desire to be sober is all they asked of me and I did not do steps or higher power or sponsor.
Please just go and try it out. You will never regret it.

I suggest just going to the meetings for now. Focus on what you need to and like the others said......leave the rest. The rooms are full of all kinds of personalities as well as opinions. Despite that, everyone is there with the purpose of taking a look at their drinking. Not drinking is the key. You are early in your recovery. Things may change later with what you want to take on but for now...just go to the meetings.

First of all, I am a member of AA, and I did work the steps, with some hesitation, and they helped me a ton. With that said, the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.

It's not uncommon at all for folks to not want to work the steps. I sure didn't. I sporadically attended meetings for 17 years and never worked a step in my life. I also couldn't stop drinking. Honestly, I don't think I really wanted to quit drinking; until I really wanted that, I could no stay sober.

This is just my experience. You'll find plenty of folks around here that have never worked the 12 steps of AA and have good, solid sobriety. Some people will tell you, you can't stay sober if you don't work the steps; it's just not true. It's true for some people; but this sobriety/recovery thing isn't a one size fits all deal.

I will say that the program of AA is the steps. For me, that's what it's about. The face to face support is invaluable too so there's that.

Bottom line, yes, you can attend AA meetings and not work the steps and I think you can even benefit from it. Be prepared for people's reactions to it. Some won't like it, and they will say so. That doesn't mean you can't attend.

Stick around SR and read and post and soak this stuff up. Talk with some folks here that have been able to get sober without working the steps. There are plenty around here and lots of options.

I'm glad you're here tld. :)

I utilized AA in my last sobriety attempt and I didn't want to do the steps or find a sponsor. Sobriety didn't last. I am not going to say that is because I did not do the steps. In all honesty, I don't think I was really ready to quit drinking as I quit for the wrong reasons. I can't say I was a real fan of AA by the time I left (but that was for my own reasons).

Here is what I have come to think now. The steps are a spiritual road map. In this sobriety, I have now found a spirituality (and a vision of humanity) I understand and that resonates with me ..and NOW I understand the steps! I would be lying if I did not say that spirituality is a large part of my sobriety. I have peer support here at SR and spiritual nurturance elsewhere. The same issues one can have with people in AA...can be found with people anywhere...here, church and the world at large. It's good to find a group of folks you resonate and relate with. There is more than one way to skin a cat.

IMHO, some sort of map is really, really helpful.

One need not work the steps or get a sponsor or even share in aa. These are only recommended

All of the steps are mere suggestions. Just like to jump out of an airplane it's suggested to wear a parachute ...

Go by all means but you'll miss out on so much by not working a simple program :)

Thank you all so much I was nervous to attend not feeling like the religious aspect of the program is for me. Ill definitely go because I need to establish relationships with other sober people that can socialize without alcohol as the main focus or source of a good time :) but I will keep an open mind in the rest of it!

Please do keep an open mind tld -- it was imperative for me!

Also, you may not agree with this now (I know I didn't for a long time) but AA is not religious. It is spiritual. For me anyway -- some feel it is religious.

For me, when the word God is used -- I use my own, personal definition for it.... honestly, just like everyone else does. It took me a while to stop automatically thinking of the Christian God that always came to mind when hearing that word. I also choose not to recite the lord's prayer with everyone. I do stand with everyone and say a little prayer of my own in my head .... or just listen to everyone else recite it, sort of feeling the power of the group working.

Good luck!!!

Most people I personally know in AA do as little as possible.....yours truly a lot more than I'd like to admit.

There are plenty of warnings about such a plan though, like, "half measures avail nothing," "let go absolutely," and a whole lot of "musts" in the program. I don't know anyone nor have I heard of anyone who does all of it perfectly. I do know a LOT of alcoholics who've balked at what we do, picked and choose, and refused to try something they didn't feel like doing - and their results were dreadful. It's like if someone asks me to tell them what's in a cupboard. I either use my mind and make an educated guess and move on from there OR I go open the cupboard and look. Only by opening it up and looking do I really know....I've experienced what's in there. Listening to what others found when they looked might help but, for me, I had to have my own experience. A very wise advisor once suggested it was like sex to me. I can go watch ppl talk about it, I can read up on it, I can study and learn all I can about it..........but trying it myself is a completely different ballgame.

What I found was using the same decision making processes I'd always used, when applied to recovery, got me similar results - crappy to unreliable ones. The more I'm able to let go of my prejudices and just DO what I'm asked to do in the book (even though I don't usually feel like it, want to do it, or believe it will benefit me) the better off I become. For me, it's a bit of a constant battle - my will to do little to nothing vs the evidence in my history an in the history of soooo many people I know in AA showing (proving) to me that this thing really works when I'm doing it.

I'm not selling AA.... while I know it works for everyone who DOES it, I realize that not everyone's willing to try. While I find that sad and would do anything I could to help convince someone to think/try otherwise, everyone's welcome to as much or as little of what I've found in working the program as they want.

---and fwiw, when I made my start I was about as anti-AA, anti-help, anti-everything as anyone I've met. The whole thing turned my stomach and the thought that I'd "sell out" and join up with that pack of losers was alllllmost enough to skip it completely. Thankfully, I was hurting badly enough that I had a tiiiiny bit of willingness to try it. The rest, as they say, is history. ;)

This is it for me, perfectly. I did not want to do the steps because I thought they were a waste of time...sort of thinking, "I'm spiritual already and take my own damn inventory more times than anyone else ever could so I don't need an added layer of self-inquiry to make me anymore hyperaware and nutso..."

But.

As Nuu says, when I actually decided to do the steps, I realized that they were exactly that: a spiritual roadmap. They resonate with so many other spiritual and philosophical ideas that I have found hugely beneficial in my life. It's just that looking at them initially I thought, "Uh-oh, they're gonna shove some Jesus/God/Super-religion stuff down my throat."

Didn't turn out that way (although there are AAers who go that route...which is fine, to each his/her own) and as PaperDolls said, the steps worked for me in a way that I never imagined they would when I was just reading them in the Big Book or on the wall in a meeting.

Anyway, what Nuu says above :) Agree totally there.

And I sat in AA meetings for quite awhile without doing the steps and got a ton out of it so yes...go for it!!

I do understand your need to connect to people face to face who share the common goal of sobriety. It does make staying sober a bit easier. In that respect going to AA might help you as you may be able to build a support group of sober people. The only requirement for AA is "a desire to stop drinking."

AA was difficult for me at first because I too thought that it might be religious but as others have stated it is a spiritual program not a religious one. There is not one God in the program of AA nor is there a worship of a God. There is no threat of heaven or hell. There are no sermons.

That said, my experience is that it took the 12 Steps for me to lose the obsession to drink. The 12 Steps to me are the program of AA. The 12 Steps are something I apply to all aspects of my life today and they are what help me maintain a balance in my life. For me going to AA meetings and not doing the Steps is like buying a motorcycle jacket and calling myself a biker. I can start down the road but I am not going to get very far without the motorcycle just as in AA it took me the 12 Steps not just the social aspect of AA to make progress in my sobriety.

Anyway, I wish you the best in your continued sobriety and do hope you find what it is you are looking for.

I've only been to 3 AA meetings and have had no commitment to following the 12 steps as my recovery programme as it stands is working really well for me.

I did however get gain some really valuable insights from attending meetings and some of the core philosophies have really helped. The one day at a time thing has been something I have applied to all aspects of my life and really helped but above all the most beneficial thing about going to meetings for me was just meeting people who are in the same boat as me. I got a few contacts at AA all of whom I speak to on the phone fairly regularly and one of whom I meet for coffee once or twice a month. I think meeting people who are also in recovery and realising I'm not alone in this struggle is the most valuable thing I've gained from AA

Pretty much what I thought. Ironically enough I now quite dig the stories/message of Jesus (and other faiths) but I am still not a fan of religious folk (or anyone for that matter) shoving anything in my face or down my throat. Spirituality, like AA...works best by attraction not by lassoing innocent bystanders who ain't hearing you anyway...no matter how much bluster (and hey, it saved my life!!) you throw in their face.

I think that at 3 days, being SURE of anything is a bit of a stretch.

Go ahead and go.

I started doing some steps at about the 10 month mark.

If you feel the need to be around other alcoholics and live in certain areas it is your only choice. I get that because I am in the same boat.

I used Rational Recovery to get sober and have attended 4 meetings in the past 6 months. You can go to meetings and not do anything but sit there and listen. When I did it everyone was nice enough.

After the meeting though people did question me about "sponsor and steps???" I felt bad saying "no thanks" like I was turning down a doughnut or something so I just didn't go back. However, it was helpful and it will get you involved with other non-drinkers and give you something to do.

Just my opinion.

Jess

I am an atheist and I go to AA meetings four times a week and have done this last 6 weeks or so (which is how long I have been sober). I go for the peer support, the stories and the sense of fellowship. And although I can't accept the spiritual element of the programme I am coming to realise that the thinking in AA about this is very fuzzy and unspecific. The word 'spiritual' is often freely used to actually mean something like 'personal development'. The phrase 'higher power' often seems to refer to all sorts of non religious abstract notions which remove the power of addiction from one's shoulders.

But more importantly, as I see it anyway, the Steps in a rather crude way, considering the Big Book was written in the 1930s is about addressing the issues that may have originally been behind your drinking and perhaps even caused it, as well as some of the issues that may have arisen during your drinking years. The programme is couched in spiritual and religious terms very often, but actually I believe it can be used as a vehicle for personal growth - if one chooses.

Which is the crucial bit. It may feel like it a bit at times given the group dynamics involved, but personally I have not so far been under any pressure to believe anything I am not comfortable with.