Studebaker10

I thought I'd take the time to post about how I've been feeling lately when it comes to my sobriety, I have 20 days so far. This isn't my first ride on the sober train, I've gotten off several times in the past and have been off it more than on in the past 10 years. I've said this in the past, but I really want it [I]this[I] time, and I mean that wholeheartedly. I've been feeling really good about myself and my sobriety lately, it's been too long that I've struggled with the binges followed by feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression. To wake up in the morning and know that I'm not hungover and I got a good night's rest is a great feeling to have. I've yet to get into a program for recovery, but I have been visiting this site atleast a couple of times per week and it seems to keep me on track with my thinking. I attended an AA meeting my very first day of sobriety, and it felt very awkward and uncomfortable for me.

One thing that I've noticed about myself in the past few weeks is that while I've maintained my sobriety and had very little urges, I have been keeping to myself and felt less inclined to hang out with friends. I've always drank in social situations in the past, even with friends I've known for years because I just feel more comfortable with a drink in my hands. It's always been a crutch for me. All of my friends are aware of my choice to quit drinking and have been supportive of my sobriety, but it has been difficult for me to want to hang out with them. I'm afraid of relapsing since it is so early in my recovery, plus I'm afraid to be without my "crutch" in the first place!

I'm sure many of you have experienced such feelings throughout your sobriety. I probably sound like a broken record, but it definitely helps me to let my feelings out somehow. I've always been introverted and private about personal matters, so I only open up to my wife and close friends about my drinking. I guess I feel ashamed of having this issue and the one thing I've never been able to shake is that I care too much about what others think of me. Anyway, I'm grateful I've been successful in not having a drop of alcohol for the past 20 days, and I plan on continuing on this path. I know it won't be easy, and many people tell me I have to have some sort of plan or program to fall back on. I've tried to take a little bit from each of the programs I've looked into (AA, RR, SR), and that seems to keep me on track. I know staying positive can be a big key to this journey, especially because I've spent many days battling with negative thoughts about myself and others. I tend to analyzing myself and everyone else, just looking for flaws and faults, and that leads to getting caught in a cycle of negative thinking.

All in all, I'd say the past 20 days have been a success and I look forward to what the future holds. If I want to reach my full potential, I have to stay sober, there's no denying that. It's just the obstacles along the way that are difficult! Thanks to everyone out there for the support!

zjw

congrats on the 20 days! I hung out with one drinking buddy after i got sober I didnt have much trouble hanging out with just him. I'm not sure why I guess it'd only tempt me if i'd let it. and I didnt hang out with him too too much while he was drinking. Fast forward however 2 years into sobreity I hung around a bunch of people at a party they where all drinking etc.. and I was rather repulsed at there behavior (loud obnoxious well drunk duh) and there smell I could get drunk off there bread form 15 feet away. I looked at them all mind you in the prime of my drinking was 275lbs now i'm 150lbs I eat healthy and I exercise regularly. So looking at them overweight eating garbage smoking cigarettes (just like i did) and smashing back beer after beer. I thought Oh dear god thats how i was. I probably came accross to other people just like these people are coming accross to me.

Point is in time with any luck if your in the situation around others drinking you might look at the situation and have a totally different perspective. A few years ago I woulda been the obnoxiuos loud drunk at that party. Now I'm repulsed by it what a 360!