BrandNewDay11

I've been struggling so badly on the insane roller coaster of "This is it, I'm DONE" only to be sidelined by really strong cravings to drink that come over me seemingly out of the blue. Sometimes I'm able to get through them, but sometimes I'm not. It is so baffling to me that as strong as my resolve can be one day, in the blink of an eye there I am, 10 beers in me, crashing in bed at 9 pm and waking up at midnight with question marks all around me.

I'm SO F'ing tired of forgetting entire conversations, which seem to happen every time now. SO sick of being exhausted the whole next day, or--worse yet--sleeping for the 6 hours the kids are at school instead of doing all the things I needed to do. SO tired of the stupid fights I seem to have with my husband every time I drink now. I used to be such a happy drunk but now I get argumentative, belligerent and obnoxious, almost every time.

I see a lot of comments from those blessed with sobriety about how they went from thinking there was no way to be happy without alcohol to realizing that they are so much happier without it, and will never go back.

I want to feel like that! I want to be thankful for my sobriety for more than 2 days until the urge comes back. What do I have to do to get that feeling, and keep it?

zjw

I wish i could give you an exact time that it got easier for me but even if I could recall it it would probably be different for you. The best way I can explain it is each day I needed to be strongly reminded why i shouldnt drink and why it was better to not drink. The min I forgot some of that was the same time I'd spiral into the gutter (i never relapsed but I'd get pretty close). As time went on some of that got more cemented in me I started to create better memories etc.. and the pain of life seemed to be more mild and easier to handle without booze.

Thats not to say that here 2+ years sober I dont still get a hankering for a drink. I do its just not making me climb the walls any more. I still pass the beer store and think about stopping in. I still pass a bar and wish I could go in etc.. I still have all those kinds of thoughts but it doesnt eat me alive I just move on and go about my business.

InsaneHeart

I'm only on Day 8 sober, but my crutch has been Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book. I you can get a copy of that, read it. It's helped me with those urges. Some of the stories in there are incredible.

freshstart57

Hankering shmankering. I made a plan to never drink again no matter what, and sticking to this plan just isn't a question for me. My mind will never change.

When the hankerings no longer have a compulsion, then the fear and panic disappears. We don't have to follow them.

roomsforall

zjw, thanks for your comment. Exactly what I needed to hear today.

Spinach

I guess you've got to learn how to get passed those urges and see the daylight between them and keep going. There was a time when I had a craving that when I saw a full glass
I didn't see an escape and joy I felt the consequences of all that went with it and that was that. In the weeks that followed I kept having moments of pleasure about very small things
And some bigger stuff and noticed how bad days were just that ,days not weeks or months and it all seemed more connected and real .
It'll happen just give the not drinking bit time to evolve into sobriety.
Start feeling happy about the days adding up and not harbouring resentment and I think it might get there even quicker.
John.

BrandNewDay11

Knowing that it gets easier with time is something to aim for and gives me hope. Having given up drinking for a full year in 2006/07, I do remember that feeling. But I also remember how easily I got right back into after that one conscious decision to get drunk in order to deal with a dreaded party with the in-laws. That one time plunged me right back into the cycle. And I haven't been able to just stop like I did then. I have the big book but honestly haven't read it. I'm in therapy and we discuss alcohol every week. She wants me to do an outpatient treatment center. I don't know if I have the guts to do that and just want to be able to do it on my own!

Boleo

For me, it took a Spiritual Awakening for me to feel like drinking was no longer an issue. Time alone could not do it for me. I tried just not-drinking dozens of times with periods up to 5 months and found drinking was still on my mind 24x7.

The Spiritual Awaking that I am talking about was the result of action rather than time. I had to surrender some life long conceptions about myself, about my limitations and about my potential to change. When I finally gave up the idea that I could manage my own life or even the sobriety part, the fight was over. Alcohol never tempted me again.

DarkDays

Day 625 of being stone cold sober. Had plenty of mind battles during this period but they have got easier and easier to deal with. I know going back will give me zilch zero nothing but going forward with my sobriety keeps on giving. Raw real emotions may be hard after a lifetime of drinking as with me, but they are real and it's the real me. Today we had to take our only daughter to uni for her first day, I am sad I miss her and I feel real feelings, couple of years ago I would have opened up a bottle of wine and " killed" these real feelings.

Drinking gives nothing, soberiety keeps on giving,

wakko

The urge comes but as quickly as they come they go because I dont drink any more. How do you get it? I believe you earn it a day at a tim e.

dbillyd

Hi,

I believe the statistics show that those who reach 90 days are much more likely to remain sober. Not only will your cravings lessen over this time but you will also gain experience of how to deal with cravings and your triggers. It will also give you a decent amount of time to see the benefits of sobriety.

With this in mind, can you commit yourself to 100 days? By hook or by crook, no holds barred, no quarter given.

After this you can decide how you feel about drinking / not drinking.

To put this in some context, if you drink from age 16 to 80 then 100 days is 0.4% of your drinking life. Not much, eh.

CousinA

What Boleo said.

-allan

DarkDespair

Hey,

I'm on day 99 today but it's still pretty bad to be honest. Thinking about bloody alcohell every single day, problem is that part of me still wants to drink like a lunatic badly, I'm 22 years old, but probably I'm making it harder on myself...after all I should be grateful to be sober and thankful that it hit me big time that I was killing myself...it is pretty hard, but there is a lot of hope as well.

BrandNewDay11

Dark Despair, over 3 months is awesome! I do feel your pain about the part of you that still wants to drink. I came to a sad conclusion recently that the only way I would ever be able to continue drinking the way I "want" to is if I abandoned everyone and everything else in my life. Got a divorce, didn't see my kids, and didn't worry about having a job. Then and only then could I get blissfully **** faced whenever I wanted, sleeping it off as needed with no one to answer to. What makes it really scary is of course that there are people who succumb to alcohol in exactly that way. The ugly truth is a part of me actually longs for such freedom at times. Just live life like one big party, not a care in the world, not a responsiblity to feel guilty about. Just the fact that I can go there in my thoughts scares the **** out of me.

DG0409

I remind myself of all of the bad parts and then I don't miss it at all. For me, it's a matter of being honest about how it really was. I am on day 174 without alcohol and I haven't missed it at all. Not that everything has been rainbows and unicorns- I've had my struggles learning to deal with life sober and cleaning up my life after the state it was in, but every time I have to deal with another thing I should have dealt with when I was drinking and didn't, it's a reminder as to why I never want to drink again.

I don't miss wasting the money. I don't miss waking up and wanting to drink. I don't miss drinking every night and being too drunk to drive anywhere. I don't miss neglecting my health. I don't miss forgetting things all the time. I don't miss passing out without brushing my teeth. I don't miss the hangovers. I don't miss the times I'd lose my temper or say something I didn't mean to. I don't miss the rash on my stomach that mysteriously cleared up when I quit. I don't miss drinking to avoid my problems because actually working to solve my problems provides a peace of mind that I won't have to live with them forever. I don't miss getting drunk and having sex with people I wouldn't have otherwise chosen. I don't miss not being able to think clearly and making clear decisions. I don't miss the anxiety and depression that came with it. I don't miss sweating all the time. I don't miss being obsessed with my next drink. I don't miss the mess of beer bottles, wine glasses or whatever on the counter the next morning. I don't miss the times I was really awful to the people around me. I don't miss it at all.

DarkDespair

BrandNewDay, I can totally relate to that! The urge to just get wasted all the time and never get sober again and create chaos and don't care about anything is very powerful for me, I almost think about it as some kind of "romantic" way of living this dull and useless existence at times - highly dangerous of course, and I think we know where it leads us eventually - to the darkest place of utter loneliness and eventually a horrible death. But sometimes that idea can be very appealing to me. Just goes to show what a dangerous, dangerous drug this is. I can totally feel your pain, it is often a struggle. Hang in there! :-)

courage2

Can only write from my experience -- when did I stop missing it?
Day 1-3 almost too sick to want to drink
Day 4 & 5 -- tricky, big time for me for overwhelming compulsions
Day 6- ~ 90 -- sometimes compulsions, lots of cravings, need for lots of support & bandaid -type tools (some of mine were cigarettes, compulsive talking, ice cream). Missed it like an amputated limb!
Day 90 - 6 months -- meh
6 - 9 months -- E.g., Now. I don't miss it anymore. I think about it, often I wish it were an option. But if I start drinking again it won't be because I missed it. It'll be a case of giving up on life.

Have a great journey & wish you well!

BrandNewDay11

Dark Despair, thank you for sharing that. I totally get what you mean about it almost being a "romantic" vision, to be able to live without care of repercussions or responsibilities. But what's so crazy is the reality of living out that fantasy wouldn't be romantic, cool, or fun, it would be smelly, ugly, pathetic and miserable. And inside we know damn well that's the truth, it's just another way alcohol tricks us and pulls us under its spell.

DG0409

Along the lines of thinking of it as "romantic" there is a quit saying I rather like: If I romance it, I chance it.

instant

Getting a firm foothold in sobriety was difficult for me to achieve. I had been lulled back after a few sober days, at times after a few weeks so many times. I came to understand the pattern, i came to recognise cravings for what they were.

Until i was sober for six months i did not fully understand that i was dealing with an addiction that is very complex, but at its heart part of me loves to get wasted. Now i am sober over two years that part is still there but managed, and managed easily. I have not had full on cravings after about 3-4 months.

reading the Big Book helped me (i do not go to AA)