Kyojin

I've been sober for only a couple of days, and luckily my physical symptoms have been very annoying at worst, but my mental symptoms are terrible. I've never felt this crappy in my life.

I posted in the introduction section about quitting after drinking for four years, the last two being daily on strong beer. I decided to quit after an emotional crisis while drunk, and I thought I was prepared for the anxiety after my research.

As it is, I've always had OCD (why I started drinking), and during recovery it is flaring with a mean vigor. From the moment I woke up this morning until now, I've been constantly obsessing over things, especially my health, girlfriend, and money. I wouldn't be lying if I said I hadn't thought of jumping in front of a car already.

OCD aside, is this normal for early recovery? I don't wanna drink again at all costs, but this is killing me. When does it start getting better? I'm not seeing a therapist due to my budget, and i'm not sure a crisis hotline would help me. So, not sure what to do.

GracieLou

Do you have a recovery plan? Are you going to try AA or another recovery option?

I know I could not do it alone.

Spinach

Having single thoughts overtaking your mind can happen often they link to something bad,
Even if the rest of the equation doesn't add up they carry on. It happened to me your Dr may be able to help , but early days can be full of unpleasant feelings.
They will settle, put it to yourself that it's the actions of not drinking your mind resetting getting used to no alcohol , not reality ! They will settle quite quickly but I found they popped back briefly over the first few weeks. Keep in focus that they pass and keep going.
Your Dr would be pleased to help and can.
Good luck.
John.

skg

Yeah, welcome to my world! First of all, congratulations on trying to white-knuckle sobriety. For many it's the first lesson in what "mental obsession" means as it relates to alcoholism. It's what is referred to in the text of Alcoholics Anonymous as 'craving.' Read, "The Doctor's Opinion," if you have a few minutes--you can find the text of Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) Online here.

Linked with the permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.

They explained it to me in this way: When I wasn't drinking, all I could think about was starting; when I started drinking, I couldn't stop. Powerlessness pure and simple. I stop drinking and the hamster wheel starts spinning--sometime to the tune of half-dozen hamsters, a squirrel, four gerbils, a white mouse, a gorilla, and, well, you get the picture. Stinkin' Thinkin' is what it's called and it affects most alcoholics. It's why I drank--to silence "The Committees" in the head! Well, one of the excuses, anyway...

The good news is that it is temporary providing you take a few suggestions. If you go to some meetings you'll quickly find out that everyone has thought the stuff you've thought--and it isn't stupid afterall. It's this dis-ease: A sense of discomfort and separation that we want to cure with the ease and comfort that comes at once from a drink--but we don't stop at one.

The mental clamor won't stop until you take some actions, spiritual in their nature, to curb the effects of mental obsession. There are many recovered men and women in AA with OCD, PTSD, ADHD, Bi-Polarity, and just plain dumbassedness (ask me how I know), who lead lives better than just well once they've taken the actions suggested.

Hang in there--more will be revealed!

karate

The anxiety will let up soon ,all part of the process -

Most of us went through it .

EndGameNYC

Hi Kyojin.

You don't say whether or not you were treated for your OCD while you were drinking, or whether or not you've continued being treated while sober.

Withdrawing from alcohol absolutely exacerbates any present psychiatric condition, and it can quickly spiral out of control if not treated. It simply isn't "just going to go away" on its own.

Many people who carry a psychiatric diagnosis into sobriety refuse treatment for a variety of reasons, and most of them have an extremely difficult time staying sober as a result.

If you haven't already done so, see your doctor and get a referral for a psychiatric consultation.

LadyBug66

My anxiety got a whole lot better after day 5

Ettie

I have been diagnosed with OCD and have been on medication for it for years while continuing to drink heavily. My anxiety was pretty bad for the first couple of weeks and has slowly faded. Now, after 90 days sober my obsessions and compulsions are less pronounced than they have been in years. I think the medication is finally able to work the way it's supposed to without the alcohol in my system. I have also found that therapy and AA has helped me begin to deal with those unpleasant thoughts and obsessions.

zjw

I often wonder if I'm OCD. No idea if i am or not. My anxiety lasted for months it was downright aweful. I still have problems 2 plus years sober but its waaaaaaaay better and more manageable. exercise helps proper nutrition etc.. It does take time however. But it does get better.

Kyojin

I was treated for OCD and Bipolar Disorder for four years prior to two years ago, when I quit my meds altogether because of the side effects I couldn't tolerate ('zombie' syndrome, nightmares, erectile dysfunction, and weight gain, mostly). I quit them two years into my drinking, and didn't resume them because I mainly started drinking more to self-medicate and was later concerned that alcohol would react to the meds and make things worse.

At this point I understand that my OCD at least is a medical issue i can't control alone, as no amount of self-talk, problem-solving, or reality orientation seems to help beyond an hour or so at a time when it comes to racing obsessive thoughts. For instance, at work today I finally had an anxiety attack when, from the time I woke up to the late evening, I realized my thoughts were getting worse and I could no longer cope.

I've got very mixed feelings about meds; on one hand I think they'd help, and on another the side effects can be problematic in themselves. Even when I was on meds for a couple years before drinking I was extremely frustrated with the side effects and wasn't sure they were worth the smaller benefits; example, feeling dead in exchange for somewhat less general anxiety.

Also, the obsessions I've been having aren't so much about drinking as they are general obsessions that have been much worse since I stopped drinking. My job performance, codependency in my family ruining my sobriety, flashbacks of my past, fear of losing my relationship, etc, were the main things and tended to come up all at once.

zjw

my brother is bi-polar on the meds he gained tons of weight was a total zombie. I dunno whats worse the probems he had before or being ont hose meds. Why not just put him in a straight jacket and a padded room locked away. He ended up with diabetes etc.. as well. how is this better health? that just involved more meds to treat that!

He went off the meds it was like having my old brother back it was great I hadnt seen him doing so well in years everything was awesome for about a year. Then he got stressed out which triggered an episode and BAM the doctors put him back on the meds again which he has agreed to take. now he's a zombie again we barely ever speak anymore because he's too doped up. Its sad. Its no way to live if you ask me.

I've poked around online and with my own issues I have found too the side effects are not worth it. Sure it fixes one illness and gives me 2 more! I've ended up going the natural route for things anymore and its worked out well for me.

Eating nutritional food and exercise etc.. Its no magic bullet I still have some issues but things are much more manageable and it wasnt a change that happened over night either. Yeah some pills offer immediate relief I'd rather take the tougher road I dont need side effects.

Its odd tho. We complain about the side affects of this med or that med yet we drink our brains out and endure horrible side effects of booze and keep on doing it! It makes no sense.

Now a days if i take cough medicine i feel bad for 2 days so refuse to take it etc..

Some of your obsessions should taper off in time as you remain sober. I know for me things started to even out. I was always living on extremes before I got sober. I used the booze to back me off the edge of htose extremes. As soon as I removed booze from the equation I had nothing to help me. As time passed things eased up tho. and I was able to back off the edge of extremes and obsessions on my own without booze etc...

Hypocritical

Exercise helped a ton with my anxiety. That and reading. You have to do something different to think differently. Oh yea....forget the stepping in front of a car thing. That could get ugly. Blessings to you. You do have the power to overcome.

Dono

TrixMixer

[QUOTE=zjw;4201

Its odd tho. We complain about the side affects of this med or that med yet we drink our brains out and endure horrible side effects of booze and keep on doing it! It makes no sense.
..[/QUOTE]

Edited by TrixMixer for space:

Well zjw, I think you just had an ephiphany! I mean are we really ready to forgo meds for alcohol because the meds are just inconvienient? So much better to just let our minds run a muck on booze?

There is no easy answer, but if you have a mental disorder that requires meds that should be first and formost. Work with the doctors to adjust the medications if your Zombie like--although Zombies are the IN thing right now.

Alcohol can only drag you down, at least meds are correcting some chemical imbalance instead of just numbing the symtoms until the next drunk comes on.
Hell of a way to live....but can't say I didn't try that too.

copernicus

To OP, I have some experience w/ OCD. You shouldn't focus on the "obsessions" - these are thoughts that happen out of your control and will fluctuate naturally w/ time. The real problem w/ OCD is the compulsions, or compulsive, forced behavior to irrationally relieve anxious feelings.

Try to become aware of all the forced behaviors that you do. This includes forcing yourself to analyze thoughts and remember events, doctors call these "mental compulsions." If you can minimize all the forced, compulsive behavior you engage in, your so-called obsessions will go way down, trust me. I guarantee you do automatic compulsive behaviors that you are not aware of, so spend some observing yourself and noting all of these behaviors.

I have been tortured w/ OCD in the past and have made serious improvements where now do not take meds or have signficant anxiety anymore. It's still there on a daily basis, but I am definitely the one in control. Hope you can improve things for yourself.

Marktg34

Zjw
I too was on meds for depression but my weight ballooned I was nearly 20 stone.I became a virtual recluse even with a good psychiatrist the onus is increase more pills.Its not good. No meds now though thank myself for that

Alysheba

I'm at day 51 or 52 and I am still having anxiety pretty intensely. I've been walking for like an hour a day at a good clip and it helps. The last couple of days I am noticing it being just the littlest bit better. I was practically despairing that it would never go away, but I think relief is in sight. Sometimes, with me, I'm having to wait it out. It's tough. If I know it will get better then it's not as terrifying as thinking I'd have to live with it forever! Good luck. Pulling for you.

pinkdog

Hi Kyogin, welcome. I had the same thing. Really hard physical exercise is what helped me. The sweat helps get toxins out. Lots of water too. I found staying busy the best thing. No set amount of time due to amount of drink and all those factors. Keep going and stay busy. Best wishes.

Dee74

just wondering how things are now Kyojin?

D

Alysheba

Hi Pinkdog! I'm glad you shared that. I'm finding being physical helps a lot too eventhough when you're panicking it's about the very last thing you want to attempt. Hope you're well ! Kyojin-hang in. It will pass just maybe not as quickly as we'd like it too!

karate

The Anxeity ,can be tough for 4-5 days then it will start letting up .