zjw

You want it your way! I cant help but laugh I know its not funny. I wanted it my way too. I sort of found a way to do it IE bipassing AA and counselors etc.. I said screw that I'll out smart the counselor and I dont need that stuff in my medical file. AA to me was just a group of old men who rather then sitting at the bar now sat in a circle of the basement of some church wasnt my cup of tea. I thought yeah those guys are all the wack jobs my mom warned me about growing up no thanks I'm not going.

I got it my way too for the first year and it was hard hard. Of course if it wasnt for hte HARD way I'd never learn anything so i guess its for the best.

when i finally went to AA I thought S$$$ how did my life end up here? Surrounded by a bunch of drunks ya know the ones my mom warned me about and guess what? I was one of them ::Facepalm:: After a couple meetings I felt like an idiot for not having gone sooner I probably would have made my life a little easier. Oh well. I dont go much anymore they have there own routine there that seemed to not involve me but I did enjoy going and I'd go back.

Sometimes people have to shed light on our BS even tho we squirm and dont like it. I'd rather take the criticism from a place like this then my mother or wife or something.

I recall getting grief from people who never had addictions about my addictions. I wanted to knock there teeth out. Thought you have no friggen idea!! Some folks have big mouths think they know everything it throws you on the defensive when someones trying to help you.

I think i said it before. I probably would have bit someones hand off if they extended it to me in help. I was just a as*** like that. I like to do stuff my way myself I dont need anyones help rararara.

TrixMixer

LOL! Well Yea!--Point being the more you talk about being a "dumb kid" the more you stay that way. Time to put the excuses away and grow-up--I can help you with that...but EXCUSES---I have used them All , do not need you to tell me all the reasons why "I know I should , I just can't". Yes you can --c'mon, put that drink down and start today.

Keep coming back to this forum for advice from those of us who can help -but only after you stop standing on the diving board and jump in. Now that is if you really are ready to give it up--might not be your time?? Only you know that.

Trix

jvice09

yea man tell me about it. i went out to dinner a few weeks ago with my mom and aunt. when the waitress came to ask for our drinks, before i could even blurt out that i just wanted a diet coke and a water my aunt practically leaped over the table to tell her that i wasnt drinking alcohol. pissed me off.

jvice09

your right trix, i like you and respect your posts. you've given me sound advice, i appreciate it.

jvice09

the thing is though, she loves me and cares about me. so why would that upset me? i guess i was just more embarrassed than anything.

zjw

I had family whom found out about my issue basicly drink in hiding when i visited recently. I guess they felt they should be care full with that stuff around me etc.. I'm the alcoholic and all. Crazy too one of which is a raging alcoholic she just doesnt know it yet. It annoyed me.

The reason your angry is because you can handle your own issues and they felt the need to step in and treat you like a child. I watch as parents treat there adult children like children then wonder why they act like children. I'm like umm how bout treating them like adults?

People are funny like its like they expect you to wear the scarlett letter or something. I'm sure we could all pick out a few choice problems of theres to hang them over too but we are more polite then that.

jvice09

yea bro it sucks. my mom would have never done that to me. my 'normie' aunt doesn't get it, even though she thought she was helping. nice talking to people who understand me.

jvice09

my aunts so sweet though, just offered to buy me dinner. ill put what happened aside and just spend a nice night with a person that has given me all the support in the world. im a pretty simple person.

zjw

If it keeps you occupied and out of trouble even better.

Twinings

Hey Jvice,

How are you doing today?

I've flicked through most your comments here and read some of the replies but not all so if anything I say is a repeat... sorry!
Firstly, I get the whole, please no god/aa thing. It used to really wind me up when people say god bless you but now I know they mean well and thats ok. I still wouldn't dream of going to AA though.

An alternative to AA I guess would be smart recovery, which I'm hoping to attend soon, but have yet to make it. It maybe a load of bull too but I'm pretty sure its not religious based but based on cognitive behavioural techniques something that psychologists use. You can buy books on that if you look on amazon.

Other things that may help...
Find a focus. I'm only a couple years older than you and so I've decided that I want to be buff, attract some nice attention. So I work out a lot when sober. Doesn't have to be gym, something you can reap some rewards from tho would be good, can you play music or draw or anything? Maybe teach yourself and then show it off and be proud!

Mindfulness is a good one, nothing to do with god or even that hippyish. Just teaches you to focus your thoughts in a healthier way. You can buy work books to work through so you have daily goals etc.

Anywho, those morning drinking, bile puking days suck so I hope you find your thing!

jvice09

eh just one of those days ya know.

jvice09

angry at the world. pissed that i cant be a normal drinker. it sucks.

zjw

I felt like my best friend had died. was pretty much flat out pissed off I couldnt do it anymore. It wasnt fair. I figured my life was through. wtf would i do each night? my god i'd be bored to tears and was. How would I unwind at the end of the day? the list goes on. It gets better.

At this point its easy for me to say I cant drink. Just like I cant ride a skate board. Its really no big deal but it took me a long time to accept it as such.

I got into other things. I'll drink herbal tea in the evenings do a lot of reading and when i'm flat out pissed off and full of anxiety which is every day I go for a run and it calms me right down and makes me feel good the remainder of the day. If something goes wrong and sets me off again and my skins all crawling etc.. I go for another run. I sometimes wonder if I could find a way to cope without having to run all the time but i'm not exactly unhappy with running all the time either. It is what it is its what works for me. I might find something else at some point but for now this works.

Back in my drinking days I could barely get up the stairs I was a friggen mess. Now running 5-10 miles is no big deal. I can look back at my drinking days in total horror at this point I cant believe I was that bad off. I have a hard time even looking at pictures of myself from that time frame because I can see the look in my eyes the sheer desperation etc..

So yeah I cant drink like a normal drinker anymore no biggie I can do a lot of other cool stuff now that I couldnt then.

jvice09

so right and so wrong at the same time.

jvice09

i know, not looking forward to this, is all.

TrixMixer

Hi jvice,

How is today lookin so far:

Just want you to know one thing "thinking about never drinking again" is what keeps us drinking. You literally have to get up today and say: OK, Not going to drink for an hour, when that hour passes you tell yourself you can do it for another hour--yada, yada. ....and so it goes until one day you realize you have been sober for a week , then a month, and so on.

If I had to think of NEVER drinking again I too would still be drinking. The only thing you need to make sure of is that you are checking in with your doctor in case you have problems with withdrawal. Checking in with someone also gives you accountability. That was really important for me. I had a counselor who I saw every few days, and I did not want to go through a whole lot of drama if she knew I drank. I just did not have the strength at that time in my life. I was truly broken.

Good luc, and may today be the day you begin your journey!

zjw

Aint that the truth! The thought of "NEVER" drinking again made me shudder. Hell it still makes me a bit anxious!

zjw

theres something to be said about keepign it simple. "i'm just not going to drink today" "I'm not going to drink this hour " etc.. no reason to over think it. Dont worry about tommorrow if your'll drink or not just get through today.

LadyBlue0527

I realize that this isn't what you're referring to zjw but my best friend did die. She kept a glass of wine or a beer at her bedside so that when she woke up it would be right there for her to begin taking the edge off. We had been best friends for many years. I watched her go from a person who cared who always had a few beers every evening with no issue to someone who had to drink copious amounts every day, to someone who couldn't function without taking that morning drink. If you could actually call what she did functioning.

On February 10th of this year after her morning ritual of pouring alcohol in her gullet she passed out on her couch and dropped her lit cigarette. She woke up to flames and even though she had 3 fire extinguishers in the house she tried to put the fire out herself. She walked through flames out of the house and was lifeflighted to Boston's burn unit with burns on 80% of her body. She died on February 14th, Valentines Day, of this year.

I will never forget how towards the end when she confessed to me about needing the morning drink. It was a fast paced and ugly descent from there.

To the OP, if you are drinking in the morning GET HELP NOW. I get the fact that the odds of you dying in a fire are slim. The message that I am portraying is that once my friend began taking that morning drink it wasn't long before she was unreachable and there was no hope.

How's that for never being able to drink again?

zjw

Makes me kinda shudder since i was dabbling with the morning drink at the end of my drinking carreer. I needed it to take the edge off. I also felt like I was going mad. I was loosing my mind and going flat out insane I swear. I was also dabbling with the drink at noon too and then one around 3 or 4 or simply starting to drink at 3 or 4 instead of my usual 5pm.

I mentioned it to a friend of mine at the time he said well are you takeing any to bed with you yet? I said no not yet but I've thought about it. He said well be careful he had a friend whos father would take a 6 pack to bed with him each night so he could get up and drink them all night long and then go back to sleep.

I was probably pretty stinking close to going to a whole new level If i wasnt already there.