Wishful78

Had two beers the other night for the first time in two weeks and didn't even feel like going on after that. My friend was ready to do some drinking and amazingly enough after all we go through I could tell there was a green light from the wife to have a bit of a party night. There is still that faith within her that I can be a social drinker or whatever you want to call it. She has said flat out she doesn't want me to have to be completely sober unless I really feel like I have to. Being away as a touring musician and becoming less and less prone to excessive drinking is a big accomplishment to me. Same with food I am a binger if I am not drinking on the weekend having a bunch of beer well then a bunch of junk food is how I will reward myself these are the patterns I seem to get better at. I do know however that the potential is always there for me to take it too far. I just don't know. Guess I am just still in that middle world where everyone says it's so dangerous. But is it that dangerous to drink if I don't even have ambition or interest in getting drunk? One big benefit in my life is that the wife is pregnant so she isn't drinking obviously and we hang out a lot so I feel no need to drink. I don't know confusing. Not sure what parts of my behavior and excessive behavior are chemical or mental and what the difference really is.

Arbor

For me it seems to be all mental. At least that's what I make of it right now. I'm in the early stages though so thinking of drinking "normal" again shouldn't even be considered. I know I'll fall right back into that pattern again drinking daily. All depends what you've been through I guess and taking a close intelligent look at yourself and who you want to be. I have an 18 month old boy and I know when my wife got pregnant I drank even more. I was nervous as hell. Be carefull!

karate

A friend told me as I got older, it would resolve its self .

Friend drank like a fish , but is 10 years older and now drinks very little .

I'm the same way , don't want the hangover .

When you get older , the hangovers are Killers .


I don't keep but very little sweets in the house , but can almost moderate them too .-almost

Bostonsportsfan

I think we all think we can be "normal" or "casual" drinkers and more to you if you can, but it's not something I think most of us can really handle.

Dee74

I think the danger lies in assuming that this is your new status quo, wishful.

D

dwtbd

I think 'normal' drinkers don't actively think about drinking.

Raider

I, for one, can never be a social drinker. Ever.

Johno1967

Wishful, I hope it ain't wishful thinking. Many of us have been down that road and slid back into excessive and abusive drinking and wondered with bewilderment "what the hell happened". Same for me mate, same story, rock bottom ending. Had the same ideas when my wife got pregnant and was back closet drinking before my first was born.
If you are normal and a moderate social drinker that's great. Many of us would love to be able to do that but have tried ad finitum and failed.

TrixMixer

Hey Wishful,

I know I am an addictive person. If it is not alcohol than it is chocolate, or cookies, or ice cream, yada, yada.

Can not tell you how many things I have been addicted to since getting sober....but the best thing is none of them are "alcohol". This I can live with. If you need to replace alcohol with something less harmful to you than go for it. Eventually if it's food you will have to get addicted to working out. I Spin my rear off to compensate for my "foodie" crutch. Been sober a long time and nothing changes, still addictive--that is why I can NEVER have one drink in moderation or it is lights out drunk and rowdy.

I wish you the strength of your convictions and the ability to make your wife understand: she may not want you to stop unless you need to,,,,,and YES you need to.

We are all here for you. Come back often, we can help!

Sudz No More

If you analyze drinking to the point of coming here to talk about it then it is more than just enjoying a beer. That though is for you to decide, for most of us here there really is no grey area but a clearly defined line between hooked or not.

If you can enjoy just a few and not think about it after that then good for you. But spending your non drinking hours here talking about it speaks volumes in itself.

fini

A friend told me as I got older, it would resolve its self .

oh dear...silly me, here i quit, finally finally managed to do it at bloody 51, and am now 58 and you're telling me if only i'd kept drinking it would have eventually resolved itself all by itself and i didn't need to do any of the work i did and the struggling and...crumbs, i shoulda just kept DRINKING????

please excuse the sarcasm; it's not meant in a mean way.
sure am glad, though, very glad i didn't have a friend who told me such things

mostly, as we get older it just gets worse instead of "resolving itself".

dwtbd

Sometimes it seems that people's advice here can sound like a bunch of people thinking they need to tell people not to touch the burner on the stove.
Advice that is so obvious it doesn't need to be given. But this is the kind of place that to be here probably means we either turned the stove on or may even be reaching out for the burner.
Only you know yourself,wish you well

blackoutgirl

"My friend was ready to do some drinking and amazingly enough after all we go through I could tell there was a green light from the wife to have a bit of a party night."

I've been through this scenario too many times, and now I know better. My BF is the first person to tell me flat out that I'm an alcoholic, and almost leave me completely over it...only to suggest later that I kick back and enjoy myself.

I've came to realize that he just doesn't understand how difficult it is to "have a couple." In my mind there isn't such a thing. A couple turns into 10 or more. It's like a switch is turned on and there isn't an off button.

I've used this "green light" to make an excuse to drink before, and it's never worked out in my favor...or his, for that matter. Yet, he always seems to forget how bad it was at times. Just keep your awareness up. Some people have a really hard time grasping alcoholism and think that just because you've "been good" that you can start drinking again.

Two years ago, I blacked out at a fancy business Christmas party in front of my BF's boss at the time, made a fool of myself, said (slurred) many awful things that I don't remember and looked like a complete jack@**, embarrassing him, my friends, and his co-workers that didn't even know me. You'd think after that he wouldn't want me to drink again. Wrong. He still doesn't grasp the gravity of my addiction, even after that.

FBL

I drank to get drunk, so I never saw the point of "just a couple" of beers. If you can just have a couple and be fine with it, more power to ya!

TrixMixer

I hear you FBL! Actually if you can drink "just a couple" and stop , well than you would NOT be an alcoholic, right? That is what we all would like to do but when your an alcoholic there is no such thing as a couple.

The sad thing about relationships is unless your partner is a "recovering alcoholic" themselves they just cannot understand our plight....and if your partner is an alcoholic themselves and doesn't want to face it--sure they are going to encourage you to keep drinking with them.

I think that is why AA is such a wonderful service when you first get sober. You are with people who "understand". It is like we are from a totally different planet and need people from home to be around.

HappyDave

Same. I wish I could be the kind of person who enjoys a couple of drinks at a bar and then heads home. Or can pour myself a couple of drinks from the liquor cabinet at home and then leaves it at that. But the reality is I'm the person who stays at the bar until it is closed and then carries on elsewhere. I'm the person who never has a stocked liquor cabinet because it always gets drunk too quickly to remain stockpiled. I will never be that person who can enjoy alcohol moderately despite wanting to be able to with every fiber in my body. It simply will never happen.

Wishful78

Hello everyone. Here I am again. All this time later. I started this thread way back when and I am in the same exact place. I have come to the forums and read things I could relate to. I have felt good for the people I say having progress with their battles. But I have not posted in a long time. Because during that time I have still tried to be a "controlled" drinker. Well it's not working. I read this post and I am in the same place. Living on a tour bus with a wife at home pregnant with another baby. She is not speaking to me now because she needed me in middle of night and when she called I was hammered. I have been blacking out pretty much every time I drink now too. Today is day two. This time I need to make the change. I have 2 weeks left of the tour. I need to be strong. This bus is a liquor cabinet on wheels. And quite a few of the people around me have their own alcohol problems. I managed to not drink for a couple of weeks before this mishap but that's not uncommon. I have never had a problem with drinking all the time. It's just what happens when I do. We are all different and I need to not compare anymore. I do know coming here to just complain about how bad you messed up. But I needed to let it out.

Bunny211

Welcome back! Yep I tried to moderate my drinking and fell on my face time after time. It's easier to just NOT drink!

Jsbodhi

Hi! I can sometimes moderate- then I congratulate myself and before I know it I'm back drinking the same if not more!

I do think for some people they outgrow drinking as they get older, but a lot don't.
As others have said- I don't want to be a normal drinker, drinking 2 is lame, I just want more! MORE! Ha.
I like being sober more, love it actually.
I like reality I suppose; this is only something you can decide, but be very very careful and honest in your thinking xo

Congratulations on the new baby!

Wishful78

That's definitely seeming like the easier thing to do now Bunny. Just stay away from it